SUBLIME OCTOBER

2004-02-14T00:12:00.000-05:00

Gosh. I'm sick of this joint. Aren't ya'll? Ugh. It's sickening over here. I've got to raise up. I've had a bunch of projects going on and I've still been stopping by all of your sites. I'm so wishy washy, I think just because I don't have comments that means I don't have to leave comments either. Shaking my head at me. In my own defense I must say that I have tried several times to leave a message at my homegirl Lisa's house , but my computer has been acting a plum fool, so therefore it always freezes up when I hit post. Fooey. All I really wanted to say was that you're dope, you know that anyway so no point in giving you any additional gas. Hee hee. All of you are dope for real. You all bring something to the table that makes me snort and giggle and get thoughtful and reflect and suck my teeth ( nOva ) when I read you. I just love y'all.

Since I haven't been posting regularly I have more recaps and updates to give. Not like you care, but humor me.

- I've been buying some banging azz chicken and rice from the Spanish restaraunt by my job. Yummmm.

- I watched a man fiddle with his genitalia during rush hour on the E train. He was standing behind this white girl who was talking with her friend about going to some open grill Chinese spot that has great food. She said their noodles were "really thick and delicious". I think her dialogue was contributing to dude's hard on. Anyway, I watched him in disgust then finally blurted out that "A PERVERT IS STANDING BEHIND YOU. YOU NEED TO WATCH THE PEOPLE THAT ARE IN YOUR PERSONAL SPACE! HONEY TURN AROUND!". She looked at me in mass confusion, but I couldn't explain anymore because my stop had come and I had ish to do. I don't even use the word "honey" when speaking with people, but she looked so pitiful and confused... the words just came out.

- I bought a $600 bag.

- I bought some Paul Robeson stamps.

- I've continued my race to beat the clock for application deadlines. I'm a real mess.

- I've continued to watch Top Model ( I gave up on College Hill long ago). What is going on with Camille's eyebrows. They look like two acute triangles on her head. What the deal is?

- I typed a quick memo after this wench from work hung the phone up on me. I turned it into my surpervisor because I document all bullshit events that go down. Two days later she did the same thing to my supervisor. *check gesture*Two memos and a pink slip in her file now. Documentation people, documenttion. It gets people fired quicker.

- I reread Racism 101

- I took the path train for the first time since it's been rebuilt. That ish is ill. It goes right through the World Trade Tomb. Unreal. I need to take pictures before the rebuilding begins.

- I got asked out on a date through email. I'll post it later. It deserves a post of it's own. Hold your horses. If you know my M.O. it would only take you a millisecond to guess I'm not interested in the cat.

This is all I can remember for now. I'm going to have to say good day to you all. I may come back here every once and a while. Actually that's a lie, there will be absolutely no reason for me to bring my man tan azz back over to this piece. If you want to check for me I'll be here . It's a brand new day baby! Welcome to the revelution:

Sublimeoctober

2004-02-09T23:47:00.000-05:00

When the sea is calm, the sky begins to rumble. Don't kill my attempt to be deep. That was some freestyle ish right there. It meant absolutely nothing and has zero relevence, but who are you to judge me? I know I've been gone longer than Carl Thomas (look below for Carl Thomas reference), but I'm about to make a come back in the best way. For the one person that still reads this, I'm glad that you're still interested because, even if you don't believe me, I'm making this change just for you. Did we just have a moment right there? Yes, we did damn it. You missed the part where you're supposed to be all touched and your face and neck get hot and one lonely tear drop slowly slides down your cherry cheek. I know none of this is making sense right now, but it'll come together at a completely unexpected time. Like when you are sitting in your weekly staff meeting trying to figure out how you're going to get that wedgy out of your azz all incognito like... you'll just think of me, 'cause I speak about things like that. Remember i'm doing this or you. Or when you are walking in the park with your lover and some jogger walks past and sneezes just as the wind blows south in your direction. You'll hold your breath and please remember why... it'll be because of me... I started that trend, remember munch nutt? I'm doing this for you. Without going through like a gazillion other scenarios, let's just cut to the chase. The point is I'm doing this for you.. the lone reader. You. Anyway just to recap, I'll quickly go over what's happened since January 28, 2004:

(I don't hold dates.... everything is such a blurry haze in retrospect. Mondays, Wednesdays and Sundays merge and mingle, and I can never tell the diffference... )

- I saw stank azz Betsy Johnson in Union Square and I said, "Hi Betsy" and she acted like she was trying to remember me even though she didn't know me and then she just gave up and said, "Hey!".

- I played Carl Thomas' Emotional for 3 days straight.

- I saw my former boyfriend's ex girlfriend modeling in the latest edition of Vibe. She was also on Star Search Model competition.

- I've been apllying to Ivy League Schools... sort of. Lazinesss get's in the way sometimes.

- I just discovered who Fannie Lou Hamer.

- I saw this woman with the strangest facial dimensions I've ever seen in my life. She had THE BIGGEST HEAD and the tiniest mouth. You'd have to see if to be a believer.

- I've had a job transfer. I had a departmental change and I'm no longer working on 14th Street. Now I'm in Spanish Harlem.

This is enough for now. There's more, but I can't remember. You do know that it's BLACK HISTORY MONTH don't you? Does this even mean anything to you? Do you think it's propaganda? Do you think it holds purpose or do you think it's academic?

Stony the road we trod, Bitter the Chastening rod
Felt in the days when hope unborn had died
Yet with a steady beat, Have not our weary feet
Come to the place for which our father's sighed?
We have come over a way that with tears has been watered
We have come treading our path through the blood of the slaughtered
Out from a gloomy past, Till now we stand at last
Where the white gleam of our bright star is cast

Ya dig?

I'm going through serious changes. I'm about to get brand new... like you've never seen before. Scram.

2004-01-28T19:53:00.000-05:00

I just saw Missy's new video. I'm not a huge fan and I've never bought any of her albums, but I have popped and locked to her beats more than a zillion times. I have a great appreciation for her house sample in this latest joint. I started perculating and everything! Yes, people still perculate... well I do. Who's laughing?! Go straight to hell with gasoline draws! While I'm still talking about videos I might as well add that I like Chingy's latest cut with Kiesha. She's a little fox *owwwe*, don't hurt 'em mama! I like shorty doo wop who sings the hook. He sings the cheese out of that hook doesn't he? If you wanna go home with me, I'm only one call away Chillin' on the linked up fence with his trench and ear piece. Ain't that the same boy from the Jackson 5 movie and Drumline? I love that boy! He has good comedic timing. Dont' try to confuse him the with mook mook lookin' dude from Sister act and City High either... I'll fight you if you do.

I'm going through several different issues right now, people. Forgive the lack of posts and all that. Don't stop lovin' me baby. Yes, I'm talking to you. You sure know how to kill a moment, don't you? I've been eating a lot of avocados lately. They are delicious. Surprisingly, they seem to make some people nauseous. That's preposterous to me! How can something that taste like sex to me (it's a term I use... let's stay focused) make someone else vomit? Something is wrong here. Something's off. Someone is lying. I'm gonna get to the bottom of this because there is no good reason anyone could possibly have to tell lies about a fruit that taste like sex.

Have you ever told someone something and then a week or a month later they tell it back to you like they are the original source? Then when you say, "Negro I told your man tan azz that info ten days ago!", they have the audacity to argue you down. Or have you ever told someone a crazy bizarre story and like a month later this person tells it back to you (with some extra personal twists to make it more their own)like it happened to them and you look at them like they lost their cotton picking mind (that is such a derogatory term... might as well have just said "field negro" because I already exercised "man tan') ? Identities and subject matter have been withheld to protect this cat, but I might as well just tell you that I'm talking about my brother.

If you peek through my window at 9 pm tonight you might catch me in a duplicitous act of watching BET after I swore up and down that I would not be caught patronizing them ever never again until they raised their programming standards. I'm a liar. I'll be watching College Hill tonight *sambo smile*. I only continued watching BET for as long as I did to see videos. I discovered I had access to MTV 3 (JAMS) and VH1 3 (SOUL) 24\7. It was a wrizzap kids and I was getting over like a fat cat. My BET relaspe will occur tonight promptly at 9pm. Save the frowns and the scowls for the next homey because there is no better reality then black reality... and a HBCU at that... I'm hoping it makes for good\bad television.

A serious post will be coming soon. Black history month is around the corner and I have some things to say. I realized the niggardly behavior that I have when it comes to how much I tend to invest mentally, spiritually and financially within my community. Makes me want to hurl large chunks. On a lighter note... I'd like to say Happy Birthday to this pretty little lady, Nexy ! She is just the sweetest thing... like many of you. Happy birthday to all the January babies! Group hug! Hey, who squeezed my butt?

2004-01-21T19:09:00.000-05:00

Golly, you people sure get fiesty about this whole comment box thing. If we lived in Biblical times I would have been seriously lumped up from multiple stone wounds. It's really not that serious. You all know as well as I do that sometimes you just want to read and skim through posts. Sometimes it's just a flat out hassle to leave a comment. Sometimes I just want to read and laugh and the thought of actually taking my hand off the mouse to leave a comment seems way too labor intense. So I don't. I think you all should do the same. Hey, I don't mind. Think of it like calling someone's phone and when you get the machine you just hang up instead of leaving a message. They'll never know. Unless they *69... or check their missed calls... or have caller I.D. I don't track who comes by here or anything so I'm clueless. Don't worry about me. In all actuality I'm really doing you all a favor by having a muffed up comment box. Less work for you. It's a win win situation. *leaning back with hands behind head*

After visiting Ms.Things's page, I was thinking about where certain sayings come from. Some of them just don't make a lick of sense and it's obvious that we're all just saying them out of habit and not really because it means anything to us. For example:

- Don't let the cat out of the bag!

Whot en dee hayle is that suppose to mean? It doesn't even make any damn sense. First and foremost, why is a cat in the bag? Secondly, if it's in the bag then it should be let out because cats wil tinkle just about every and any where and if you are familiar with the stench of cat piss, it's better that we let that rascal out sooner than later.

- I have this down to a T.

Can it get anymore random than that? I thought not.

I honestly didn't even think this post through... so I don't have anymore examples that I can think of. My bad. I'm sure you get my drift though. Guess who I saw yesterday? This is the second time I saw this lady. She is\was the stylist for Sex and the City. Not patricia Field, the other one. I saw her on 5th Avenue..and chile her get up was bad! She had on a midnight blue (yes, also known as navy) Shearling, Dark denim jeans with the cuffs flipped up and on the inside of the cuffs were orange stripes, a red Kangol, some dark Fendi shades, and ivory, navy and red coyboy boots. She also had a dog carrier that was navy with red and orange stripes. She has jet black hair cut short and she had on some red lipstick. The look was killer. She was killing 'em... well me. I don't know if anyone else was as interested as I.

And just like that I'm gone.

2004-01-20T11:31:00.000-05:00

Yo, it's brick outside. I was never one for wearing ski masks, but I think I may need to invest. The wind cuts like I don't know what. I don't know too much about meteorology and seasons, but I can't tell you how disappointed I was by the following conversation I had with someone last week: Me, "My buttocks is frozen. I can't wait for winter to be over. Thank goodness it's almost over." Him, "What do you mean...it's just begun." Me, "Huh?" Him, "Winter has only just begun. It'll be like this for awhile." Me, "You're kidding. "*sad look*. I guess you can say I'm in a bit of denial. I thought Winter would be over at the end of February then the sun would start to shine bright again. *popping dream bubble*.

I went to Illadelphia this weekend. In all actuality I only went for a night, but I still had a good time. Philly gets love from me. I adore that city. I also love D.C. and ATL (just thought I'd throw that out there). Back to my weekend.... I chilled with a former boyfriend. Most women I know keep in contact with at least one of their past shorties. I maintain communication with three of my four former menz. First and foremost, I just really like all them as individuals. They have upstanding characters and are decent human beings that I really care about. They make me laugh beyond measure. Plus I know they still think I'm cute and I think they're still cute too, so it's fun to get a guaranteed flirting session with no pretense. They have all come a long way for real. I guess a lot of it had to do with youth and growing pangs. I could have seen myself with each and every one of them if the timing had been better. I'm cool with it though. I work with the cards I'm dealt and that's that.

This particular old beau is by far the most attractive guy I've dated. The boy is so handsome. It's been a while since I've last seen him and he looks even better than he did before. He has deep chocolate skin...like the sun dipped in black, as Lauryn would say. It really looks like Hershey's chocolate and his skin tone is so even and beautiful. He has jet black soft hair (hair like a My Child...remember those?) and he grows it out a little on the top of his head so that thick soft curls form (I think he's half Dominican or something). He's about 6"2 and has such a sexy swagger and an innate fashion sense. It was really good to see him. I'm talking good. He's like the best eye candy. We had such a nice time together, but that's all it was...all it really can be. We'll get into why in a sec.

I'm not going to front. I liked having a play boyfriend for a day and a half. I liked being around someone that knows me. It was as if we were in the good stage of a relationship. You know, the stage where the two of you know each other well, but not so well that you're lazy and bored and unexcited to be around one another anymore. That's what turns me off about the whole "dating" thing. Learning someone all over again and opening yourself up. For a gal like me, it takes real effort. My personal life is closed tighter than the mouth of a snapping turtle...it's hard for me to open up period. Anyway, anyway, anyway, my whole thing is it was comforting for me to be around someone that is attracted to me, that knows me, and that appreciates me. Unfortunately, we're not going to be together like that. I'm not really a fan of backpedalling. I'm not a fan of long distance shorties. More than all that, I'm one of those "needs to be fawned over" type chicas...simply put, he's not all that good at that. I'm not afraid to admit that I need to be romanced and thangs periodically in order to keep my interest. I broke it off with him in college because I felt like he couldn't invest the amount of effort that I'm due. Listen ladies, we should not be afraid to say that we're worth something...worth the effort...worth winning over. Nothings wrong with that. From his language and how he was behaving this weekend , I think that he may think he's going to end up with me because that's what he wants. I'm more understanding and lenient about a lot of the things he does at this point because he's my "friend" not my "man". I think he misinterprets that as my new found tolerance and he probably thinks I'd transfer that attitude into a relationship with him. Little does he know as a "friend" I tolerate a whole lot of things, but if I was dealing with him like that, the game would change...straight up. My inner monster would resurface. It may not sound fair, but that's how things work. That's how I work. Keep in mind this is a very single woman who is typing all this...form your own conclusions people. Like I said before it was nice having a play boyfriend for the weekend.

We went to the Cheesecake Factory one day and he took me to Ishkabibblies to get a chicken cheesesteak the next day. We talked relationships, families, politics, friends, street life, careers, other little dumb things, and of course we got our flirt on heavy. I thought I was looking especially adorable when we met up. I had on some tight jeans (y'all know I got make it poke out a little), a tan zip up jacket with an exaggerated collar, a tan camisole underneath, some tan boxing style Converse sneakers with gold accent and a gold star on the side, a dirty metallic gold belt, and a fitted three quarter goose in green with a fur collar that had hints of brown, tan, and gold in the fur and a tan suede news boy hat with gold hooped earrings. He had on a black velour puma sweat suit, with some matching puma sneaks, and a black mink. Okay Negroes....I know Iknow we may have seemed a bit ostentatious, but we like to do it like we're doing it for t.v. Sue us. All day everyday. Alright, I know I'm feeling myself right now. Let me live, will ya?

2004-01-15T15:50:00.000-05:00

What up. In my usual kvetching manner I have tons of things to gripe about and the first that comes to mind is personality and appearance. The two go hand in hand don't they? I have a real issue with atracttively challenged people having a bad attitude. Not saying that needless attitude is acceptable in any circumstance, but I find it shockingly ballzy for a facially handicapped person to be habitually rude. I'm so serious right now, y'all don't even know. My word is bond, if I come across people in this category, there will be problems. Let me be very clear when I say, I'm not hung up on looks, but I am very hung up on attitudes. To me your attitude directly affects your appearance and I truly believe that when you are ugly on the inside your physical ugliness becomes magnified. Frankly, it doesn't even make too much sense and I can't ration it for the life of me. My logic is, if you have a bad attitude you sure as hell better be physically flawless and if you aren't physically flawless, you better be extra nice. That criteria seems pretty cut chase to me...no ambiguity there.

Could it be that ugly people are ugly because of their ugly heart? Was it like a cause and effect type of thing? I don't bother focusing on the physical flaws of extremely nice people. The niceness stays in the forefront of my mind and the unattractiveness vears towards the back. There are cases where people have serious physical defects that they are born with. Like dude in Mask, that's just completely beyond control. That kid was so nice too, man. I would have befriended and marrried him *crickets*. Back to what I was saying though, I'm taking about unsightliness within the scope of control. Like greasy necked chapped lipped ugliness and on top of that having a "suckballz" attitude. Not cool. These people must be humbled. Humbled through traducement, so they can see that they are totally out of line. It's enough to be rude and somewhat attractive, but being flat out ugly and having the nerve to be snide? It's a wrap.

If you are familiar with me then you know I must be building up to something. Indeed I am dear people. Indeed I am. Within the month of January I have been in several situations where mud ducks have tried to come at me in very inappropriate ways. Real rude and stuff. Can't have that. It happened three times this month so far. It's been real odd and random type of situations. It's happened here and there over the course of my entire earthly existance, but three times within a month... c'mon! Suddenly I thought, maybe it's some sort of calling. Maybe I've been called to set every mud duck straight. Intervention if you will.
My last encounter was earlier this week. I was standing on the very edge of the curb and saw a large group of toddlers. There was a group of 20 little 2 year old droolers being guided up the street by nusery school aides. Most of the kids were in those push carts that yu may see in malls. You know the push carts that are in the shape of animals and they hold about 6 or so litle people. Even though I am very allergic to children, I was suprisingly enraptured with the whole scene. All those little people, looking like midgets in the same colored coats, blabbering and babble talking. Begrudgingly, I must say it was...adorable. It was so sickeningly heart warming. I began to feel something funny inside my chest, almost like the Grinch. You know the scene when the Grinch's heart begins to grow and pump? I think something like that bagan to happen to me *confused look*. So, I still had my head turned looking in their direction and I may have even had a very faint smile on my face. I took one step down from the curb and suddenly an Asian delivery man speeds by on his two speed and splashes slush on my feet and pants. I then realized that he is the same grocer from a store that I stopped going to. My boycott was partially due to his continually nasty attitude and also the absurd prices. Filled with anger, I scream, "Watch where you're going you jerk off!". He turns his head around and says, " You too stupid! Get on the curb! You in the way, stupid!" Now I know what you all may be thinking. I started it by calling him a jerk off, but he could have avoided the slush and he could have apologized after he saw that he splashed me. Apparently he did it on purpose and I guess he felt I should have been on the curb to begin with (mind you, I had the right of way). I couldn't just let it end there... that just wouldn't be me. I quickly remembered one of his physical flaws and layed right in," That's why you have teeth like a hippopotamus you jerk off! Go to a dentist you stupid azz! There's a first time for everything!". He said nothing and continued pedaling up the street. I would have ripped him a new one if he stayed around long enough. I truly had enough of him. How are you going to have teeth that are still on the outside even when your mouth is closed and have the never to have madd attitude too? Him and his snaggle toothed azz.

I don't care if none of y'all agree with me, but I'm here to say that we do not have to put up with bullshit attiutudes from ugly people (which is pretty much all inclusive because I can find physical flaws in damn near anybody if they drive me to it). I know for a fact if I came out of pocket (when did I become fluent in pimp?) it wouldn't take long to tear me to shreads because let's face it, as much as you all would like to believe that I am perfect *giggling* I have more flaws than a $50 diamond ring. That's why I try to be on my best behavior when dealing with others. Why some of these people think they are the exception, I'll never know. Raise up against the uglies! *Bravehaert run*

Big love to Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. on his born day. We had a birthday dinner for my Dear Ma who also had a birthday this week (big love to my G-ma too) and she told me that she heard Dr. King speak several times. She shook his hand and er'thing. That was real to me. My mother told me that my grandfather took all of them down to the March on Washington and heard him speak. She expressed how moving it was and the impression he left. She said what she what really stands out in her memory is how friendly everyone was. She said it didn't matter that they were among people of different colors, everyone was like family. She remembered sitting on the grass and eating a boxed lunch that they provided for all of those people. Even though she was a young girl at the time she realized how awsome and profound the event was. Too real. Dr.King helped push (Black) America through leaps and bounds. I am still apart of the movement and I am so thankful that I'm able to live his dream. Much love and respect to the movement and Dr.King.

2004-01-13T12:34:00.000-05:00

Post coming, bear with the kid.

2004-01-10T19:38:00.000-05:00

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2004-01-08T22:24:00.000-05:00

I hate to run things into the ground (actually I love it), but I have to address this...I can no longer contain myself. I've been listening to Kelis' Tasty CD since I did drop 15 green plus tax on it. Listening to this album has been an agonizing and almost unbearable experience. After listening to it for a second time I suddenly had a revelation. Her voice is absolutely awful (no doubt about that), but her style all through the album is so familiar. Then it came to me...this wench is trying to sound like Apollonia . Yes she is. Then I looked a the Milkshake video and I realized this trick had an Apollonia style corset on with her ta tas spilling out. Then I noticed how she's been sporting Apollonia hair styles as of late in magazines. She ain't slick. You've got to get up pretty early in the morning to milk this cow (negroes I know she already got my 15 +...shadap!). Even though Apollonia couldn't sing worth a pig's foot she had that certain something. Sex Shooter is the cut! I'm a *pow* sex shooter... shootin' love in your direction...I'm a sex shooter c'mon give me your affection...c'mon and kiss the guns...c'mon kiss the guns. I still pull out my dusty copy of Purple Rain (that I stole form my uncle Melvin...what's Christian man doing with a tape like that?) just to do that dance routine. Anybody that has something to say about me memorizing the complete choreography for that scene can c'mon and kiss my guns. If they were to play that song or Morris Day's Jungle Love in a party I'd act a plum fool. So what it would be a reiteration of character. Limme lone.

The only other thing I have to blog about is my growing distaste for the women on Sex and the City. Yes, I do watch this show that is located in a strange metropolitan that curiously has no black people...much like Friends. They should call it New White City. How weird is that? Let's not meander around my orginal point...these chicks are pruning up. They are looking a hot mess and it's just not sexy or cute anymore. They had no choice but to make this their last season. No one wants to watch a bunch of geriatric women hustle for wang. It's a wrap. When I saw the season premire, I thought I was watching a sequel to Shallow Hal or some ish. They were dressed all hip, but were looking a little bufugly and wrinkly. Wee wee? No no? Am I right or wrong? Am I left or right? Who's on first? Work with me people. They're washed up, for realz. In an effort to end on a positive note, I shall leave you with this... Blair Underwood's booty was looking tight. Go and be fruitful.

2004-01-07T18:47:00.000-05:00

I bought a sandwhich at Wendy's today and I forgot to get ketchup. When I got back to the office I mentioned to someone that I forgot ketchup for my sandwhich and they offered me some, which I gladly accepted. I was not prepared for what happened next. When I extended my hand to accept the ketchup she droppped two packets of *gasp* McDonalds ketchup into it. Consider this a memo, McDonalds ketchup should only be used if you're eating McDonalds. If you try to eat it with any other food your tongue will fall out or some ish. I thought everyone knew this. It's too tangy or something. *shrug* Anyway how do you renig on a ketchup acceptance without coming across as some compulsive nit pick? I couldn't figure out a way quick enough so I took the packets from her. I thought she would go away and then I'd be able to trash them and immense to eating my chicken sandwhich dry. She hovered. Hovered and made small talk. Small talk and hovered. I was running out of time you see *Dick Tracey voice*. Running out of time. I needed to do something quick, real quick you see. My pickiness wouldn't allow me to eat a Wendy's burger with McDonalds ketchup, so I blurted out, "I DON'T LIKE MCDONALDS KETCHUP!" and ran out like a crack head who needed a hit. Seriously though, all I said was, "Oh man, I didn't realize this was McDonalds ketchup. I don't like the taste of it." She looked at me all weird and then stepped off *shrug*.

Why do men always push a stroller with one hand? Does it give them the illusion of coolness? They push the stroller with one hand and walk along side it, as if they're walking a dog. *rolling eyes*

I'm glad I could waste your time like this.

2004-01-04T15:58:00.000-05:00

Okay, I got my post theme from this seriously random lady. I've edited it a little because I don't have a true response for some of the sub topics. I'm sure what I have answered is just as interesting as what I haven't. So *ding ding* pick it up:

Top 5 Plans for '04:

5. To commit more volunteer time to one specific charity

4. To start washing and styling my own hair instead
of always going to a salon

3. To cultivate more friendships and invest more quality
time in the friendships I already have

2. Continue working towards getting this Master degree
on my wall

1. Travel a bit more and seal my independence

Top 5 Irritating Things About Myself:

5. I tease too much

4. I can be uncompromising...especially when I need to be
compromising

3. I, too frequently, wait for things to miraculously fall in my lap instead of being more of a go getter

2. I purposefully do the minimum out of laziness when I
know I'm capable of the maximum

1. I avoid wearing heels far too much

Top 5 compliments I've received:

5. "You're going to be dismissive of this statement, but I
really do liken all the women I date to you and that's
probably why I'm still single." - My best male friend

4. "Even though I'm still a teen, you are an inspiration to
me" - an email I received from lil' coco one of my
younger readers

3. "From the moment I saw you I knew you were a good
person. You're so helpful and sweet. One day I came
home and told my son I work with an angel."
- co worker

2. "When I used to see you I thought you were so cocky.
It's like you just knew you were shit...and it was a
turn on, a challenge. I was attracted to your confidence
and poise. After I got to know you I saw that your
brashness was really just a product of a healthy self
assurance. Overtime I saw how thoughtful, good
natured, and loving you truly were." - an admirer

1. "You're a sensible, intelligent, virtuous woman, capable
of leadership. I'm proud of you." - mom

Top 10 sexist men:

10. Mos Def

9. Benjamin Bratt

8. Jude Law

7. Tank

6. D'angelo

5. Tyson Beckford

4. Vince Carter

3. Allen Iverson

2. Tracey McGrady

1. Aaron McGruder

Honorable mention

Honorable mention

These are just some guys that came to mind. All for different reasons. The list could be completely different an hour from now.

Top 5 tv shows:

5. Like It Is

4. What Not To Wear (BBC version)

3. Sex and the City

2. Girlfriends

1. Curb Your Enthusiam

I really like the Dave Chappelle Show too.

Top 5 discoveries:

5. Orange peels are edible.

4. It's good to eat orange peels, they help fight colds.

3. Ambition exceeds talent.

2. If I take motrin before I start to cramp I won't cramp at
all for the duration of the red bull.

1. A moment only lasts a moment. There's nothing to fear,
but fear itself. That's real.

Top 5 Accomplishments:

5. Continuing to grow my hair out natural

4. Cutting back on all the meat

3. Not calling in sick for work once

2. Not calling him. 10 months clean now

1. Not settling

Top 5 songs I didn't get tired of listening to in '03:

5. D'Angelo - One Mo'gin

4. Stevie Wonder - All I Do

3. Raphael Saadiq - Be here

2. Donnie McClurkin - Stand

1. E. Badu - Green Eyes

Top 5 turn ons:

5. Being hugged while having my butt squeezed

4. Whispers in my ear

3. Eye contact in candle light...'cause you know, that I know, that you know exactly what's on my mind

2. Being supported and protected when someone tries to
violate me verbally, emotionally, physically, or otherwise.

1. A black man who has get up and go (ambition and
aspiration combined with initiative).

2004-01-03T13:36:00.000-05:00

I'm going through some renovations. Bear with the kid. Some things got lost in the process. If you care then you've probably noticed. If you don't, then great, all the better for me. I lost my last post. So I'll recap. My NYE was like a good fart. It was a good relief to get it over and done with, but it still stunk. Needless to say I'll be wearing a frown as my staple accessory from December 31st through January 5th...6th because I'm not fond of Mondays. I know we're not there yet, but I have this providence thing down pat. Leave me alone *snatching my arm away*. Don't try to comfort me. Please, just let me be miserable in peace. I should be in Philly right now. I'm not. You know what tops my mood off? I bought that stank azz album by Kelis. I was all impatient because I was tired of putting it off and I planned to buy it when it first came out. I just never made it out to Circuit City where the CDs are always originally $9.99. I end up copping this piece of trash album at Target for $14.99. A complete waste. Her album is trash. Horse dung. I was listening to it and to tell you the truth, she can't sing. She's a sing songer not a singer. She and Nate Dogg are in the same category. Horrid. Horrible. Take yo azz on Kelis! Non singing self. Hmph!

Musiq, on the other hand, was money well spent at a whopping $12.99 (I never pay this much for music people). His album is flavaz. A complete antithesis to the bullshit Kelis provided. I really like his style too. I wonder who his stylist is...hmmm. I like Kelis' style too, but instead of being a singer she should be a consultant for Baby Phatt or something. Heaven knows Kimora needs all the help she can get. That line makes my stomach bubble. The most disconcerting thing about the Baby Phatt line is that Kimora Lee wouldn't be caught dead in any of those rags. The only things that really sells (from what I see all the young ladies wearing) are the shirts and jackets. That's about it. Why doesn't she just stop making all that other junk and just stick to shirts and jackets . Seems simple enough to me. *blank expression*

I bought more fabric crack which was really the only highlight of my week. I'll tell you what I got (not because you care, but because I like to have documented proof of the crap I blow my money on). I'll say, out of sheer defiance, that I only have a couple of more years to buy what I want when I want. I'll have to start thinking about people other than myself when it comes to my finances. Eventually I'll have a...what are those annoying burdenous things called again? Oh yes, husband and children. So I say, let me do this. I have very little debt and I don't charge any of the things I buy. In the name of the honorable Carrie Bradshaw...I like my money where I can see it, hanging in my closet. *fist raised to the sun*

This is what I bought within a 48 hour period:

a bronze clutch purse from BR
an orange suede belt from BR
a zip up cargo top in beige from Zara
a black military shirt from Club Monaco
two fitted military styled jackets from Saks Fifth Avenue by Marc jacobs one is green and the other is blue...on sale
kelis (piece of crap) CD
2 Musiq CDs one for my cousin
two barbie dolls for my cousin
Beyonce Cd for my other cousin
a grey hoody from Target for my other cousin
Ruben Studdard CD for my mom
Bible verse notebook for my mom from Target
a sports bra in fushia and teal with two matching boy shorts that say "BLING" on the butt from Target

That is all. It's not really that bad is it? I was buying for other people too. I'm beginning to frown again...I'm not in Philly. I know how to smile *doing Micahel Jackson spin*. Who doesn't smile after that?!

2003-12-30T23:21:00.000-05:00

This is going to be a super quick post. It'll also be my last post of the year. These past two weeks went by super quick and from what I've read it seems that everyone has enjoyed their holiday\break. Good beans. As you all may know I celebrate Kwanzaa. I've been celebrating it for roughly 14 years. My family has a big celebration on New Years day. We have a big Kwanzaa collage that my brother and I made years ago that consists of the seven prinicpals, the names of our family members, mother Africa (excuse my pride) and other cultural images. My mom has a table set of with fruits and vegetables, a cloth with freedom colors, a cup, the seven candles with the candle holder and some other stuff that I can't remember at the time. I'm not even going to front...when we first started celebrating my brother and I (maybe even my pops too) thought it was some fake "afrocentricmadeupholidaythatwilljustbeanotherpassingfadesopassthechicken" holiday. We would roll our eyes, suck our teeth blah zay bliggidy blah. After years of keeping this tradition I can honestly say that I am so proud that I do celebrate it. Regardless of what people may think, Kwanzaa does not take the place of any other holiday (or at least it doesn't have to). It is what it is. It's a time to focus on the good things in our community and a reminder of the things that can help build character and detour many of the social ills that black people suffer. I'm not a black nationlist, but I believe in the black family. I have so much love for my people. I genuinely love being who I am and Kwanzaa is a tradition that enforces that for me. I really wanted to do a Kwanzaa post, but I have other things to share so I'm going to just leave it at that. Happy Kwanzaa everyone!

There are two things that made me laugh this week:
(there's more than this I'm sure, but these two things stand out)

I asked my mom why I never ever believed in santa and she said, "Your father and I decided before you and your brother were born that we would absolutely not allow our children to believe that some white man provided for them even if he was whimsical." *laid out*

I was in a fitting room getting high (off clothes *duh*) and some other lady was in the room just next to mine with her daughter. The kid was around 5. Mother says, "You're going to be my helper today and tell me what looks good and what doesn't." kid says, "Okay.". The mother puts something on and the kid says, "You look crazy!" mother says, "Mommy needs to lose about 15 pounds right?". The kid says, "Maybe 50 pounds.". The mother laughs, "No! Don't be silly!" and the kid says (apparently pointing at different areas of her mother's body), "If you lose it from *here*, *here*, and *here* that would be 50 punds...maybe more.". A mess. I blame the mother, she should have never encouraged her daughter to critic her body to begin with. Hot hot mess.

I'll be celebrating my new year's eve in D.C. and then I'm going to Illadelphia for the weekend. I move and I shake. Catch me if you can...or you can just come back later and I'll tell you all about it! Happy '04 people. Be happy and blessed!

2003-12-25T13:00:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas and Happy Kwanzaa! I've opened some of my presents and thus far I have acquired Burberry Brit perfume (yay!), a gigantic gift basket from Nubian Heritage, two pairs of FCUK jeans, 5 black leadership pins, a bunch of dress shirts from Club Monaco, two books (and a journal), two buttons from the Gap ( they are initial buttons for my name), and a purse (it's silver and I don't like it). I'm having dinner over at my Dear Ma's house with the rest of my family. I hope there is not too much fussing... y'all know how family functions can (sometimes) be. The fussing is entertaining, but after a while it's just like...everybody shut up already. I may attempt to go out tonight. It's been a while since I've stepped out and strutted my stuff. It's still up in the air. After I stuff myself and get a guaranteed case of negroitus I may have to call it a wrap. Since I have very little to talk about I guess I'll prove it by showing you the highlight of my week:

Monday- went to work came home and made chicken breast, string beans, yellow rice, and stuffing. As I was cooking and listening to the radio I heard that Ashanti song "Hey Santa" four times. I seriously considered shooting myself in the dome piece.

Tuesday - went to work then went to the most wack azz office party with (no licks) good food, but hella bad company. That will be the first and the last. Please believe.

Wednesday - once again I went to my gig and then the human resource department announced that we would have a half day of work for the holidays and the office would be closing at 3 Pm. Since when does 3 Pm qualify for a half of a day? Whot dee fock?! I might as well have worked until 5. In my world 12 or 1 o'clock qualifies for a half day. Yes, I am such an ungrateful soul. I came home and made a spinach pasta. Yum. Then I listened to my girlfriend babble about her new found friend.

Thursday - I bit someone on the nose this morning. It was a love bite. I have to really love you like that to bite you on the nose. It's the most affectionate thing I can do.

Those were just the highlights folks. Don't worry I won't have too much fun without you *pitiful look*.

I'll be back on my grind in a minute.

2003-12-21T19:10:00.000-05:00

My word is my bond. I told you I would have questions for you. Answer at your discretion....and it goes a lil something like this:

Raven, what will you be doing on new year's eve? What would you like to be doing on new year's eve?

N.O.S., do you think more of people depending on their educational background or lack there of?

Ms.Thang, when a 40+ woman tells you she's never been married and has no kids do you internally begin to wonder what's wrong with her or do you think nothing of it?

Tee, have you ever suffered from post pardon depression (I hear 90% of mothers have some level of it) and if so how did you respond?

Alissa, do you eventually want to live in another state? Why or why not? If so, where?

Lisa, do you have a friend that you remain in contact with, but really wish you didn't?

Calvin, do you turn around to look at a woman's butt when she passes? If so, how often do you try to suppress that urge?

Cos, if your friend was setting you up on a blind date and said you have a choice of going out with a lawyer who is semi-attractive or a garbageman who is ridiculously handsome who would you choose?

Nexy, going on the expectations you had for yourself 5 years ago, are you doing about average, excelling, or failing? If that question is too heavy just tell me what your favorite perfume is. :)

Damon, when a guy says that they're a butt, leg, breast, or other types of body parts man, are they referring to liking to look at them or what they can actually do with them?

Max, on the day of taping Who Wants to be a Millionaire, did you think you were going to win the big one or did you have doubts?

Bill, when was the last time you put your foot in your mouth by saying something you wish you didn't?

Gabi, did dinosaurs exist before or after the flood?

BlaBru, how well do you know how to parallel park?

Ramblin', who's you favorite comedian or humorist?

Nadine G., what's the raunchiest outfit you've ever worn (in public)?

Bassey, when you date someone do you find that you begin to eat what they eat even if you never particularly cared for it before?

Taj, have you ever danced in the middle of a circle (without being drunk)?

ShelDawg, if your man was going through what Kobe is going through right now, would you stand by him?

Brit, do you think staying in love is more about commitment or timing?

LRT [Joy], what does LRT stand for?

~SunRay~, do you suck off every piece of meat on a chicken bone or are you a little more refined than that?

Sunshine, how old were you when you first learned to tie your shoes?

Cee, do you know how to drive?

Jenger, do you look forward to painting your nails or is it a burden?

E.O., Do you think it's endearing for girlfriends to refer to one another as "bitch"?

Jen, were you ever teased continually for something as a kid? If so, what?

Martha, what physical attribute is important to you when dealing with the opposite sex?

Pear, do you think your family members should be allowed to physically discipline your children? Why or why not?

Soul, what have you been doing since you've been in NYC?

Lashundra, how much longer do you plan on working for your company?

AJ, is AJ an abbreviation for your first and last name or your first and middle?

Kevin, have you ever secretly wished you could make over one of your friends?

Blu, are you an early bird or a night owl?

Nova, can you sing?

Elle, if you were caught in an empty bathroom without any toilet paper (and you really needed some) what would you do?

Al_Boogie, what do you think that Milk Shake song really means?

Izzo, what's the most romantic thing you've ever done?

April, have you ever been hit on by a woman?

Carmen, what will you be doing for winter break?

Trey, do you have any bad habits that you really wish you could stop?

SR, do you have any personal friends that are as loose as the chicks on Sex and the City?

Rochelle, how long does it take you to get ready in the mornings? What is your beauty regimen?

Brick, do you wear make up? If so what's your staple brand?

Reddy, so what comes after the masters?

Nenah, what's the most expensive thing you bought for yourself this year?

If I missed anyone, let me know. You can respond in the comment box or via email.

2003-12-19T10:20:00.000-05:00

I'm still weighing in at a strong 115. Thanks for all the suggestions. I finally realized what the real problem is. I don't have time to eat. I'm eating maybe once or twice a day. Oh well. I solved my problem in terms of my clothing fitting correctly. Shopping! Yay! *dead silence* I SAID, SHOPPING! Yay! *the crowd roars*. I bought a couple of things (some better fitting pants). Not any booty chokers though. There is a difference between form fitting and suffocating. Pants should not be so tight that they ruin a woman's natural shape. I hate to see that. It looks awful. Another thing, if you like how pants look in the waist, butt, and leg area and they fall too long at the bottom, just get them tailored. I know that sometimes tailoring can look too restructured, but just get your pants tailored so that they fall 2-3 centimeters above the heel of a flat shoe. It makes all the difference in the world. Lastly, stop buying things that don't fit unless you think it can be tailored to accentuate your shape. Okay, I'm tired of talking about this, besides I know I'm still going to see women walking around looking like stuffed sausages in extra long pants.

I was playing with a baby yesterday and I've come to the conclusion that babies are sarcastic. I was playing pek- a -boo with the baby. You know how babies laugh and smile really hard then completely go straight faced? That's what the baby did. Suddenly I thought to myself...this kid is trying to clown me. They smile really hard and then they act as if nothing was ever really that funny at all. They can't talk yet so that is their way of communicating how idiotic we are to play, dance, and make moronic faces for their benefit just to get a smile out of them. It's as if the babies are saying, "You want a smile?! Here's a smile! Now get the hell out of here...I've got some crapping in my diaper to do.". Never again will I make a retarded face and jingle a set of keys just to get an infant to crack a smile. I refuse to be secretly taunted...especially by a baby.

Has anyone else ever noticed that Chinese homeless people don't exist in America? I've never seen one, have you? That's some real ish to think about. They have such a strong work ethic there is no damn reason they can find to be homeless...unlike your typical, white, black, and hispanic person. Wake up America! Not saying that every single person becomes homeless because of shiftlessness, but I'm sure a good percentage of the homeless are indeed shiftless (but then again so are many employed people).

I'll post again over the weekend. I have questions for you, you, you...and especially you. Y'all didn't think I forgot about the question exchange did you? I have questions for virutally everyone that stops by on a semi-regular. I'll post them and you can answer in the comment box. If Klink Family decides to cooperate. So get ready to be candid. I'm coming fo ya!

2003-12-15T21:01:00.000-05:00

Slow day on the web. I just saw Kanye West's new video with Jaime Foxx. He's a funny cat...not Jaime, Kanye. No offense. I really just want to ask a quick question. Can anyone give me some suggestions on how to gain 5 pounds in a week...or two. Keep in mind I'm on a budget. Is there a certain food that puts pounds on quick? Don't suggest ice cream or any milk products (besides cheese) because the Boogster doesn't get down like that with dairy foods. Anyway, I'm asking anyone and everyone for their suggestions...please. Give me some hearty dishes that I can inexpensively make...or buy (I don't feel like doing bootleg episodes of the 30 Minute Meal). I know you all have something up your sleeves as much as I read about you eating. Thank you very much in advance.

[Edit] Fellow Negroes (in my world this includes all races), please do not be alarmed. I am not crazed. I simply want to fit into a couple of pairs of pants that I love. I need more curvature in the bottom of my buttocks and I know five pounds will do the trick. Here's the thing, my weight has been fluctuating for the past 3 years. I have weighed between 110 - 130. 130 is too much for me, but I like how I look at 120. Right now I'm a good 115. I eat regularly, but I have been hustling lately so I'm burning it all off appropriately and maintaining my weight, normally this would be good...except I am not at my desired weight, thus this whole dilemmatic situation. Must I further expain this? We're all women right? I'm shocked at your cluelessness. I want to gain this weight for obvious vain reasons. If you do the math then my hurried need to gain this weight in a short peroid of time means that I want my ass to be extra round for someone elses viewing pleasure. Gah. Let the humiliation begin! Haven't we all wanted to look good for someone elses benefit besides our own at least once? This is a far cry from the first time for me, but let me rock with this one. It seems as though you guys manage to squeeze out a confession on a weekly basis. Very impressive average. Kudos.

2003-12-14T23:23:00.000-05:00

I just want to dedicate a couple of lines to Blogger, my free host, and Klink Family, my comment box provider. These two entities combined aren't worth half a penny...and that's why they're both free. Either one of you numb nutts want to tell me what happened to the part when your services are actually effective?!! We're missing a chapter here! I guess effectiveness is just too tall of an order. You both suck fat balls. There's not a month that goes by when my page isn't all effed up and not operating or my comments go haywire. Whot dee fock! Get yo shit to-ge-tha! See that, you make me curse bad words. Biotches! I'll say this in the kindest way I know how. Um, if you're not too busy, can you both please go straight to hell? Splendid. If any of you are interested (like I am) in reading any of the comments you've left me in the passed, they're being stored up someone's azz over at Klink Family. Bastards. They make me curse bad words.

I won't dwell. I won't dwell. I'd rather talk about the outing I had last week to Mobay's Cafe and Nubian Heritage. I decided to meet up with my mom for a late lunch. I wanted to show her where Carol's Daughter is located. In route to Carol's Daughter we passed this little clothing joint called Jacob's Eye. The place had alot of dope things. They sell wood furniture and clothes. I walked in there with my mom and proceeded to drool over all the purses on display. They have some amazing bags. Many of them are leather hand bags (they start at $250 a pop) and some are yarn and leather mixed. I can't explain how flavor they are. I want to cop one so bad, but the yarn and leather bags are about $550. Damn. They had other little cute miscellaneous things, but the bags really caught my eye. Some of the things didn't have price tags and I needed vain knowledge of the things I wouldn't be purchasing that day, so I moseyed over to this one guy who I assumed worked there (I was right). He was an Asian man, medium build (not as fine as Dao-yi Chow the Sean John designer...he deserves his own post and I feel it coming), attractive. He had a real Black Eyed Peas thing going on. He had on corduroy brown pants, a yellow shirt underneath a brown suede shirt, some chocolate tinted oversized glasses, and a funky knitted hat with a brim. He looked chill. So I asked him the price of one of the bags and he turned to another black cat that worked there and the black man answered me. Okay. Then later on my mom asked him a question and he gave a nod and a smile. Okay. Then I asked him if they had business cards and he pulls one out of his back pocket and turns to the black guy again. The black man immediately starts telling me their business hours and makes a bit of small talk. Okay. I suddenly concluded that the Asian man must be a mute. A cool looking mute, but a mute no less. Here is the twist, he is a mute by choice. How do you know that Boog? Here's how folks...because as we walk outside some guy off the street starts talking to him and he responds with a bunch of hand gestures then he says, "I guess.". Ah-ha! Ah-ha! Mute by choice. I guess he's on some eclectic "silent Bob" tip.

So after coming from Carol's Daughter we go to Mobay's. Mobay's is a nice little spot. The food was delicious. I would definitely try it again. Next time I hope they have the carrot, apple, and parsley juice. They ran out on the day I come. Just my luck. After that we skipped over to Nubian Heritage. Nubian Heritage is officially my new smell good spot. They have more than smell goods and soap. They have art, and books, and a lot of black motif. I dig that. I always buy Nubian Heritage soap, but I usually buy it off the street or send mom dukes to get it. They have this one body scrub called Brown Sugar. That scent can definitely pull game. Brawha! *Morris Day yelp* Alright? Okay. I have to go back there this week to get my mom a gift basket for either Christmas or Kwanzaa...I haven't decided. I also want to get a bunch of stuff for moi. The only thing I left with that day was a bagful of soap: pepermint soap with shea butter and crushed almonds, mango soap with shea, cocoa butter, honey and oatmeal, and black seed soap with apricot oil and wild honey. Nubian soaps are very gentle on my skin...love them. Oh yeah, and I also got two buttons, one with Sojourner Truth and the other with Huey Newton. They had a bunch of pins with images of black national and international leaders. I didn't know (by face) who many of them were and they didn't even have the names of the people on the back of the pins. I just played it safe and copped Sojourner and Huey. I read a lot about black leaders, but I have no idea what half of them look like. I'm going to do an image search online and educate myself. Next time I go into Nubian Heritage and dig into that basket I can cop a handful of buttons and know exactly whose face I'm looking at. Okay I'm gone. *Waving middle finger to Blogger and Klink Family* I'm not dwelling remember?

2003-12-12T21:52:00.000-05:00

Straight, no chaser.

Raven (aka Ming Jenkins) asked:

1. What do you do for a living?

I'm a child advocate. I work with young girls from ages 12- 21, many of whom come from unstable homes. I help to motivate and push them towards positive goals, I monitor their behavior and develop treatment plans accordingly, I conference with their teachers and school administrators, I go to court and constantly advocate for them, and I give and take things away from them when they come out of pocket. I am their friend, I am their protector, I am their advisor, but most of all I am the sheriff. Although it is not my dream job, I am very effective and assertive at what I do. My job would be more enjoyable if there wasn't so much red tape. Anyone that works in the non-profit sector knows of what I speak. Next time ask me what I would like to be doing for a living. Hee hee.

2. Hot sauce or ketchup?

It varies from dish to dish. Sometimes none sometimes both. I am not one of those spicy southern people so most likely it's ketchup. Ya heard!

3. Grape or red?

I am not a fan of grape flavoring. I like grapes (the actual fruit), but not grape flavor. If you're speaking of koolaid...pass the red over hurrrr. I don't like sugary koolaid by the way....

4) Jay-Z or Nas?

It depends on which Jay-Z and which Nas you speak of. Anyone out there that follows rap knows what I'm talking about. Nas changes up crazy. If you are speaking of New York State of Mind Nas and Blackgirl Nas, then it's all hood. If you are talking about Oochie Wally Nas then you can miss me on that. Nas can be way deeper than Jay-Z (no love lost), but sometimes he spits some really meaningless crap. As for Jay-Z he has a nice flow. Real talented and he even spits knowledge when he feels inspired. I like his rap, but he hasn't turned me on in a minute. His beats are pretty much on point and you know the ladies love a good beat. Overall I would have to say Camel head wins in general presentation and consistancy and Nas wins in terms of intellectual capability. And I am done.

5. Dogs or cats Fish or ferrets?

Are we talking about watching fights here or keeping pets? See, you are way passed me in terms of overstanding. I'll try to keep up, but it seems like it's a losing battle. We can all pretty much agree that it is way more entertaining to watch a dog and cat fight then to watch a fish try to dodge a ferret. As for having pets...you know I detest domestic animals. Yark.

6. Mos Def or Q-Tip?

Just going by voice alone Mos Def has got this hands down. As far a sex appeal I must say Mos Def wins. Q-Tip had me mezmorized for a second when he was checkin out my black hair and my fat azz thighs, but I snapped out of that.

SR asked:

Do any of your friends or family know this is your space? Or do you just keep it a secret from everyone so you can post whatever you want?

Umm. Nah. I haven't told anyone about my blog spot. I casually mention that I keep a journal, but for all they know it's probably a hand written one. I don't really post too many things about my family and friends. I try to avoid making the basis of my conversation about things that I wouldn't really want to share with the world (the whole world not just the internet world). My mom always told me, "If you don't want the world to know it, then don't put it in writing.", and for the most part I've held on to that mantra. I must admit that I do write a few things that I don't particularly care to talk about with those that know me on a more intimate level, but at the same time I don't think I put anything in this blog that I'd be embarrassed to own up to in real life. I don't get completely free with this thing because I really do feel that some things should be left for thought and not print. If I wouldn't say some of the things I type here to anyone in open conversation then I will refrain from typing it...with the exception of that crush thing *giggling*. Hey look, there are always exceptions.

E.O. asked:

You have a strong personality... some might think you are putting up a front as a defense mechanism...would you agree?

So, are you suggesting that I'm like the Grinch reborn? Man listen.... lol.

I was not aware I had a strong personality. Now that I think about it...I guess I do have a strong sense of self and I project that in the way that I think, what I say, what I read, what I wear, how I speak, what I watch and the things that I'm interested in. Do I use my personality as a defense...sometimes. I do get defensive when I feel that I'm under attack. People often try to target a person's esteem and when I feel that a person is trying to do that, whether or not their intentions are veiled or blatant, I start to feel froggy. I will never let anyone undermine my sense of self or belittle me for their own personal benefit. In a nation where black women (yes, I'm going there folks) have not been respected for a long time I am here to stake my mark. I was raised with a strong sense of self and when I feel someone is trying to question my intellilgence or integrity I step up to the plate quick fast and in a hurry. Most of the time my reaction is very requisite, but some of the time it is not. In the latter instance I can humble myself and apologize...keep in mind this excercise is rarely needed. *smirking* That was a very good question, Love. Reeeeeespect!

Nexy (the sexy flying nun) asked:

1. Why aren't you answering any of these damn questions?

I was simply waiting for the build up. My bad.

2. When will you answer these questions?

Like, now.

3. You really are my illegitimate sister aren't you?

Of course! I still have the scar wound on my hip.

4. How do you prepare chicken?

Good question. I'm not sure if you mean seasoning or actual preparation (the cleaning of it and stuff). I know a lot of people that soak their chicken in lemon juice or vinegar to clean it. Big waste of time if you ask me...that's what fire and heat are for. I wash it thoroughly because I am finicky about cleanliness, but I'm not into the labor intense business. As far as seasoning goes, if I am making baked chicken, I keep it pretty simple. I use Lawry's seasoning salt, Sazon by Goya, some pepper and maybe a bit of fresh garlic. If I am making honey wings I use half a jar of honey (remember Mya the bee?), 3 tablespoons of soy sauce, two cloves of garlic, juice from one lime, 1-2 tablespoons of hot sauce and it's on like pop pop popcorn.

5. Strawberries or cherries?

I like both fruits, but once again if we are referring to flavor...strawberry.

6. Two of the best black movies of all time, list one from comedy genre and one drama.

Tough. I would say that the movie I'm gonna Get You Sucka still cracks me up. It was an all black cast and it was total comedy. They didn't try to put any messages in there it just was what it was. I think the Wayans brothers are genius' and they don't get enough credit for all that they contributed to black comedy. Harlem Nights is a winner as well as Boomerang. The movie Crooklyn gets cool points from me too, but that was more of a dramatic comedy so it doesn't count. Drama. I could say the obvious, Color Purple, but I won't. There are so many good black dramas that have been short changed. A Lesson before Dying, and Amistad , although I do take issue with how the story was interpreted *ehem*. I also really love the movie To Sir With Love, but it only has one black person in it. So I guess I'll go with A Lesson Before Dying with my man, Don Cheadle. Oh jyeah.

7. How do you normally wear your hair?

How do I wear my hair. Uh, *giggling* it's natural, but I wear it straight because I can do that. I blow it out and wrap it up. I will be wearing it in a fro starting January. Promise. I am purchasing an assortment of Aveda products which are muy expensive, but really do wonders. They have this one product called Be curly which really defines the curl of the hair so it looks more curly than frizzy. They have a whole assortment of products that work really well on black hair and help avert that unhealthy dusty look that sometimes happens. So that's the story with that.

8) How often do you go to the beauty salon?

Once a weak is the goal, but lately it's been like every two weeks. The goal is once a weak. I am not a primper, although I do like to look good, I don't like hanging out in front of the mirror and fawning over myself. So to avoid having to do that I like to get my hair done every week. If I don't then by week two I have to start messing with my wig so it looks acceptable in public and that ish is annoying. Sometimes I just want to go low...as in cut. *sideways look*

9) Can I see a picture of you?

Ask and you shall receive. This girl is really not that unreasonable.

Ramblin' asked:

1. What's going on?

Jus chullin' *brother man voice*

2. Everything fine with you and yours?

Well, my dear ma just got a flu shot so she is sniffling a lot. I visted her a gave her some oranges. She's cool though. Thanks for asking...did you ask? Hee hee. Other than that, everything is everything.

Alissa (the beautiful and furious brown girl genius) asked:

1. What yo name is?

Well, you call me Boogs and that's good enough for me.

2. What's your government name?

I have a first middle and last name. It is an Ethiopian name if I'm not mistaken, and I wasn't all that fond of it growing up, but now I like it. I especailly like my middle name. I'll answer this question in email for you, how about that?

3. What did you minor in?

You're a nosey little thing aren't you *giggling*? If you must know, I minored in fine arts. I have a very artistic soul and I appreciate the arts in all forms. I have a hidden artistic flare, so keep in mind that I'm an artist and I'm sensitive about my ish. :)

LRT [Joy] asked:

1. Name three things that keep you focused.

1) Prayer
2) Self Pride
3) My fear of regret

2. Name three ideas that you have.

I am a thinker and because of this innate ability I have to (over)analyze I tend think a lot about pertinent issues as well as trivial things. I am on a time constraint, so I'll give you one idea that I have instead of three. Deal? Deal. I want to start a campaign against bogus love stories. I want to do this to protect our children. I love the kids. We concentrate so much on protecting them from violence and drugs. Congress and the media alike have been on a tangent against glorification of violence and the ill affect it has on impressionable minds. No one has ever taken into account that all of these fake lame love stories are jading our childrens minds too. After watching all those crappy movies about the guy and girl ending up happy after boning and breaking up and boning again they begin to think that's what it's like in real life. All the important stuff is left out like compromise, sacrifice, patience and general love education. Watching these movies is a danger to our kids...because let's face it, love can hurt. I don't think they are aware of that. Just like it's impossible (in real life) for Jackie Chan to swing from buildings and miss millions of bullets without one scratch it's impossible to overlook importnat factors in love. The movies don't tell the whole story. So yeah, my motto is Less Violence? Nah, less fake azz love!

....just one idea of many.

3. Name three people that inspire or motivate you.

Good question. I really wish I had peer resources in my offline life to motivate me. I really vibe off motivation from my peers. I have actually come across several online people that have inspired me. I am naturally attracted to critical thinkers. There are so many so it's hard for me to contain this list to just three. I will try for you. Most of my inspirations are very analytical and political souls. First inspiration would be my mother. It is important that kids are given same sex role models in the early years of their life. Thankfully, I did not have to look far. My mother is extremely intelligent and assertive, she is a critical thinker, well read, educated and she has a beautiful mind. I adore her and always seek out her advice. My mother's advice has of weight in my eyes. I'm very carful about what I ask her, sometimes she can be unapologetically candid, which is not always good for my ego. I trust her judgement and respect her immensely. The next person that instantly comes to mind is Nikki Giovanni. She is brilliant. What I like most about her is that she is well versed in her knowledge and never buckles under pressure. When she is challenged she steps up to the plate and does not heed her thoughts for anyone. I have tremendous respect for her. Finally, Zora Neale Hurston. I adore her and her works. She was also another unapologetic woman who never tip toed around what was on her mind or her self expression. She was a real renaissance woman who articulated with such ease. I adore her as well. Let me cheat a tiny bit and add my man Romare Bearden for my artistic inspiration. He was a genius and still is. He had a wonderful talent for capturing black emotion. I love love love his work.

Thank you all for your questions (very good ones I might add). I think each of you asked me something of importance. This was fun (and long). Do you think you know me a little better now? Does it make you feel good to pry in my life like this? Good *pat on the back*. Much love people! *smooch smooch*...the European way.

2003-12-10T18:42:00.000-05:00

It seems as though everytime I write in this piece I'm making fun of someone or something, referencing to T.v., talking about some dumb azz scenario, talking about all the things I don't like or I'm making fun of someone (nothing like reiteration is there?). It's time that I give a little bit of myself to you...in the spirit of the holiday season, ya know? So, I'm open to questions...consider it my gift to you. Don't screw your face up like that! I think this is the most thoughtful gift anyone can give. Keep in mind anyone who asks me a question will also be asked a question right back...and of course I'll post my questions to each of you. Now, I know that I have some visitors that don't leave comments and ish. I think you should break that habit just this one time and leave a little something. Keep in mind, what I'm doing is very much out of my character. I don't like to share too much, so in a way you all will be helping me to disclose. I still won't get too deep up in this piece and maybe somethings I'll choose to answer in a private email rather than exposing myself to the world. I hope none of you get so damn nosey that I'll have to do that or even worse...shut you down. You all will be nice I'm sure *sideways look* I'm trying to type something extra because I'm stalling...scared to post this. I planned to tell you all about my excursion to Mobay's and Nubian Heritage, but I guess I'll save that. I hope this wasn't a bad idea on my part. Be gentle lover...I bruise easy. Okay shoot!

2003-12-09T20:39:00.000-05:00

New Episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm starting Sunday January 4th @ 9:30 PM on HBO

If you didn't know, now you know. Hurry up and recognize.

2003-12-06T18:08:00.000-05:00

I thought I'd be a sweetheart (no, it is not vainglorious for me to refer to myself as a sweetheart) and let you all know that Secretary is coming on HBO tonight at 11:30. I have 12 (2 of the channels are Spanish HBO so let's just say 10) HBO channels so if you're working with just one...check your local listings. I wish I had HBO on demand, if I did I wouldn't be acting so thirsty about this whole thing. I'm considering ordering About a Boy with Hugh Grant and making some hot cocoa. I'm borderline with that idea because truth be told, I don't like regular cocoa and that's all that I have. I like my cocoa with a twist for instance some vanilla hazelnut cocoa. I don't have that and I will not be going outside because the roads...eh...you've heard by now. Snow. Lots. Of. Snow. That leaves me with the option of herbal tea. I love herbal tea, but I'm not about to sit in my bed like some asshole sipping herbal tea and watching About a Boy. Drinking cocoa and watching it would make a world of sense, but tea? C'mon, that's some real loser ish. I'm a winner not a loser. Now that we've gained clarity on all that let's move on...follow me.

I have finally narrowed my top 8234985845348519485 list of the most agitating things a person can do in my presence. It is now the top 5 most agitating things a person can do in my presence:

1) When a person breathes loudly through their nose (and they don't even have a cold). If they actually begin to whistle through their nose then I have to flea the area immediately. *Try opening your mouth slightly...damn.*

2) When I am sitting on some kind of bench and scoot over to make more space between me and whomever then they decide to scoot over too. Hello! I'm scooting away from you because I don't want your person touching my person. Scoot your azz back where you came from.

3) When I talk to someone and their mouth moves as I'm talking. What en de fock is your problem! Are you a mind reader or what? Why is your mouth moving? Are you mocking me or is that just some kind of weird disease? Handle that cuz.

4) When someone brushes something off of their person in my direction. So now all the lint and dust is coming towards me. Are you stuck on stupid? Have you no decency? Shaking crumbs and dog hair in my direction is bad business. People get bodied because of things like that you know. Tsssss.

5) Flicking out dirt from under your nails. That is grotesque. I don't need to be around for that. The flicking power of the human finger is uncanny. I believe a person is able to flick as far as 20-25 feet no problem. If I am sitting a foot away from you...how do you think I feel? All of that stuff you're flicking may be landing on me. If you don't want whaterver it is under there (and trust, some nasty stuff gets under nails) why don't you flick it in a more contained area? As in: not at the dinner table. Dogg nutts.

*Bonus* Leaving your kid with me without even asking. Um. That's like your kid. Did you ever even think to ask if I would watch this child while you go take a dump or say hi to your friend on the other side of the room. Just because I say your kid looks cute doesn't mean I want to watch them...not even for a second. Ask first will you? You all would not believe how many times someone has dumped there kid off on me without asking. I had to add it to the list.

Welp, I will be lounging this weekend. I already did my laundry. I put a pumkin pie in the oven and kind of burnt it, but dark brown crust is good right? Just nodd your head.

2003-12-04T15:49:00.000-05:00

Quick post. Yo yo yow...the movie Secretary is excellent. Well, the word excellent may be a bit much, but it's a terrific movie. I heard about it a long time ago when it was getting some pretty buzz worthy reviews. I saw it for the first time on HBO last night and it really kept my attention. I'm very strict about my bedtime...I tuck myself in by 12 midnight at the latest. Last night was the exception. The guy playing the lead (I fogot his name, James...something) has sex appeal in this flick. He gives a crazy sexy vibe, and no it's not because I think spankings are sexy or anything. You'll have to watch the movie to know what I'm taking about. I love the end. Hottness.

I was so upset yesterday. I had to handle some business in the accounting department at my job. Everything went fine, but as I walked away to go back to my desk the head of the department said, "Uh, you want to button up your shirt?". I'm like, "Excuse ruh?" *Scooby Doo voice* I just stepped off. The comment caught me so off guard I didn't even respond. I just walked away. Afterwards I became pretty volcanic (word? not a word?). I was fuming. I find it infuriating when a man comes out of his mouth and tries to erroneously correct a woman. I really regret not shutting him down right then and there...I have been rehearsing unused retorts for about 24 hours now. So pissed. I wish I had said something right then. He is indeed an azz so I'm sure he will create another reason for me to have to tongue lash him. The thing about the whole incident is, none of my cleavage was even showing. I am such a conservative dresser (at work). Think of Anna Nicole Smith or even Brandy. I was showing no more cleavage than she was in the Stunt 101 video. Jokes. On the real, I'm not a chesty girl and my top was three buttons open. Some nerve this guy.

On another note, you all are bugging. I am not downing dating outside the race I just want to understand why some do it. Black women always start tripping when the issue of race and dating comes up. Funny...in a straight face kind of way. And I'm out.

2003-12-01T22:46:00.000-05:00

Hey guys I'm on a roll. Today I tip toed over to Carrol's Daughter and copped a bottle of Khoret Ahmen Hair Oil. I *heard* this stuff does wonders. We'll see *skeptical look*. Threaded gold better start growing out of my head for 14 bones a bottle. Mkay. I said I'm on a roll because I saw the sister of Spike Lee today. She actually has a real eclectic look, but with a pinch of cuteness. Save all of your disparaging remarks about her grill piece. Anyway, she was coming from the direction of Carol's Daughter so she was probably up in that piece getting a bunch of freebies. Just guessing. She had on one of those knitted colorful hats with a brim, a brown corduroy blazer (she was buggin' because it was freezing in BK today), some seven jeans, and this cute little sack like purse filled with freebies (I'm guessing). Oh! She had on this long thick yarn scarf with stripes of pink, green, red, blue, and ivory in it. She didn't let it hang, she wrapped that bad boy around her neck like twenty time looking like a broke down Cat in the Hat. Still cute though.

Quick comment on that show Rich Girls. Apparently money can not buy beauty. *ducking from broken bottles and cans* Booooo! Hisssssssss! Blah blah blah. We all know those chicks are bufugly...it ain't no secret. I'll give Hilfiger's daughter some credit...she may grow into those teeth one day...but not to-day. She actually has a good sense of style. That Jaime chick with the hunch back is a lost cause. She needs to put the rettes down too. I mean, why intensify the ugliness?! Hey, this is me everyday\all day. Don't kill the messenger...just kill all the ugly people. Seriously though, it's not even her face because she certainly isn't atrocious. It's really her attitude and her condecension. Her arrogance is at an alramingly high level for someone her age. All of that combined with the hunch back just makes her...well, what she is.

One last and final thing about spelling and grammar. I feel like I blogged about this before (because I have). I know the fundamental structure of the English language. This still has not detoured many of my mistakes *giggling*. If you knew what I studied it may cause you to question my grasp of the language. I always misplace my adjetives and adverbs. People often mistake my meaning. Oh well. My subject- verb agreement is a little off sometimes. Oops. I do the whole misplaced apostrophe every once in a while. Not because I don't know right from wrong...but simply just because. We all know the difference between possessive "its" and the contraction "it's" as in it is or it has, right? We know the difference between saying theirs and their's or there and their, I hope *crosses fingers*. You best beleive I still slip up. It's natural. I still misspell. Don't you find it cute? We all know the basics I'm sure (I hope). Not one human is able to memorize every rule or know how to spell every word. It's impossible and if you are trying, consider taking up a new hobby. That is what important resources such as a dictionary, thesaurus, and errrm all that other stuff are for. I am not about to spell check my blog and constantly edit. I wrote that message in my other post because someone I know told me I have some mispells. Shiiiii. I always have misspells. What is really new? I misspell in comment boxes, I misspell in my blog, I mispell everywhere. I consider it my trademark. Hee hee. Anyway after this person told me that I had (have)misspells I felt illiterate...and ashamed. I shook that off quick. This is my piece right here and if I want to misspell and miswrite so be it.

Finally, Tiger Woods engagement. I heard it's some European model that stole his heart. When I think European I do not think of black people. It really bothers me that I take such an issue with black men (or women) finding love outside of their race. When I say issue, what I really mean is the fact that I even bring the context of race up. Should it matter. If so, why? Why do I care? I don't want him. Why do I care. If the person doesn't see anything wrong with it why should I? I guess I shouldn't care, but I still want to know why not a black woman (or man). Why not? What is this thing in me that requires an explanation from every black person that finds love outside their race? I feel absolutely ridiculous for it, mostly because it shouldn't matter and I would like to think that I have more tolerance then my heart proves. Inside I still want to know. Can someone help me out here?

2003-11-30T12:25:00.000-05:00

News Bulletin: Christmas gift giving is not for adults. Seriously. Unless you are trying to impress someone or get on their good side for something. There is no reason that an adult person should run around feeling stressed about giving an exorbitant amount of gifts to other adults. Christmas gift giving is for kids. KIDS. Kids who don't have jobs to pay for the things they want. At this point in my life, I haven't any room for people who are going to try to guilt trip me into giving. Talking about, "you're going to really like WHAT I BOUGHT YOU". You are not slick. I know you...you like to give just to receive and I'm not down with that. Eff that. I give great presents to people that would be just as happy with a hug. That's who I like to give to. That is my word, I'm about to let this person know. We are too old and should have too much respect for one another to be extorting presents. Grow up. Only a woman I tell ya. Men don't have time for this foolishness.

I went into the bank yesterday and saw this woman walking an elderly woman out of the door. I walked up to her and said, "Aren't you that woman from that show?" So articulate, am I not? She said, "Yes, my name is Harriet Cole, and you are?" She thinks she slick. She was trying to politely correct my rudeness...'cause I didn't know her name (Ms.Keys? I hear faint piano playing...). So I said, "Oh, my name is (my name here) and I just love your show (!...sike)." So she said, "Thank you (my name) it's very nice meeting you." Then I walked away and said, "Have a good night." forgetting to hold the door open for her and her elderly mother (grandmother?). Anyway, she is the woman from a show on ABC Family Channel. The show is called Perfect Match New York . It's a dating show and over the course of two weeks three people move into a person apartment and decide if they are indeed a perfect match *hurl*. She has this really wild hair style and sure enough she had her hair wild and crazy like that last night...and no, it had nothing to do with the wind. Although I will say that the style looked a little more controlled. It's one of those experimental styles that white hair dressers like to try on black women because they don't really know how to do black hair (I guess). I wish I had a pic to show you all. You'd be like "WHAT!!".

My Thanksgiving went well. Thank you everyone for the warm wishes as well as the emails I received from some of you...so sweet. We had the typical soul food this year...except My Dear Ma made a special request to have kale instead of collards. I don't know why. They taste pretty much the same, but collards have more of an irony flavor (which I like). We had rice and peas (no not peas and rice), mac & cheese, cranberry sauce (two kinds...I can't get with that whole cranberry one), stuffing with turkey sausage in it, corn, cheese brocolli, candied yams, warm rolls, more stuff which I can't remember because I did not partake, and la piece de la resistance (the thing that could not be resisted...I don't know if I spelled all of that right) THE TURKEY. That joint was tender and melted in my mouth like butter...ney new idea! Turkey butter! No? Oh. We had two homemade pies too. Sweet potato and pumkin. Oh jyeah. Oh by the way how does colards and yam in a can work? Uh, don't do our race to shame like that.

So, when I was trying to buy a five dollar watch yesterday (don't hate! Remember how much I like saying don't hate? Especially to people that hate hearing it? Don't hate!) the street vedors were trying to make conversation. Oh course they wanted to know if I was an activist. I had authentic retro black power buttons on my short black goose. One said Vote for Jesse with a picture of Mr.Jackson, another said Free Angela with a picture of Ms.Davis, the third said I *heart* being BLACK and the last one said I love Jesus. I had a leather duster and some big hoop earings on, as well as jeans and some white sneaks that have stripes (so they kind of looked like addidas). I had my headphones in my ears and my leather purse with a picture of a woman with a gigantic afro on it. So I guess I did look a little Run-D-MC\Black Panther-ish. Actually I was shocked when I walked into a dressing room and saw my reflection. I really looked dope. Yeah, I still say dope.

Anyway so the vendors were asking me if I am a part of the movement. I respond, "I am the movement...now can I get my 5 dollar watch please?". He said, "Oh YOU ARE THE MOVEMENT?!". I say, "Yes sir, WE ARE ALL THE MOVEMENT. Some purposefully and some by default, but we are all the movement none the less." It seemed to get too deep for him all of the sudden, so he let me ride. Then the next toothless vendor says, "Oh you going shopping today? Can I buy you something?" Me, "No thank you sir, but I'll take this $5 dollar watch right here with the black face." Him, "Why you don't want me to buy you nothing? What woman doesn't like to get gifts?" to which I respond, "Me. I can buy my own gifts." Why do I always entertain the small talk? Oh I remember...so I can post it here. He says, "Oh you're one of those strong black woman that buy your own gifts huh?" with a roll of the eye I say, "Sir, I am a woman, I am mentally fit, I am financially capable of paying for the things I need and most of the things I want. If these are the qualities that you use to describe a strong black woman, so be it. Limme get my watch." Snaggle toothed smile, "Oh okay sweety, you want me to put that in a bag?". He made me laugh and for that he will always have a special place in my heart. Yay! who's going to watch the Tracy Morgan show with me?! I looks like it's going to be great. I like that little kid, he's a winner.

Oh, by the way, I know I have a bunch of mispells and grammatical errors in my previous entry, but for some reason I cannot access that entry in my edit file. Yet another reason why we love Blogspot. Superb.

2003-11-26T21:47:00.000-05:00

Here we go.... I have a whole lot to say since I've been MIA for acouple of days. As usual it's a whole lot about nothing, but that's what blogs are for. Right? I work in the Union Square 14th St. area and there's this market fair going on until Christmas. I've been pretty curious to see what the vendors are selling. I took a run of the place the other day and it mostly looks like a bunch of typical junk. The usual candles, scarves, toys, ornaments, shirts, jewlery and the like. The shocking thing is, these people have the nerve to sell this crap for far too much. I am not buying a candle off of the street for $45, neither will I buy a necklace for $195 out of some lame azz booth. They must be mad (as in crazed). When I am spending loot like that I need a receipt and a return policy from... like Bloomingdales, Nordstroms or Saks, shiiiii even Target will do. Kay? These people are no fancier than the regular street vendors that chill on 125th or Jamaica Ave. If they are going to sell merchandise with priced tags like that they need to have their junk in a secured store, don't you think? Yah. The most enjoyable part of looking in the different booths filled with junk was when this smoked out homeless dude started screaming, "Ho fucking ho! Merry mutherfuckin' holidays!". Oh joy. I love New York and I don't need no shirt to express that (double negatives rock!). It can be a bit much for those that aren't used to the...er behavior. For example a drunkard can be spread out in the middle of the side walk faced down and people will just step over and around them. Not to be mean are indifferent, but we are just desensitized in many ways. Hopefully a cop will eventually pass by and get them up or maybe someone will drop some piping hot Starbucks by their side. Or maybe even someone will drop a dollar and it will motivate them enough to buy two cigarettes...uh yes folks cigarettes, batteries, and anything else that's usually sold in packs can be bought dolo in NYC.

I went into Armani Exchange on West Broadway and there were some buffolous looking men up in there. Most of them worked there. I wasn't the only one noticing the eye candy because I heard this chick say to her friend that they all look good, but they're all gay...and then she went on to talking about how all the good looking men are gay. I thought about that for a minute and you know what? All the good looking men are not gay. Here's the thing...gay men (generally) have a higher standard of physical apearance and up keep. They actually take great pride in there presentation and that is and will always attract a woman. We are attracted to men that are well groomed, smell good, iron their clothes, and have a sense of style. In New York it is a bit more dificult to differentiate because so many people are fashion conscious, but bump that gay men are always generally more pulled together than the typical dusty straight man. I'm not just saying it either...I speaks the truth. Yes, you read right, I said speakssssss. Oh by the way Armani Exchange clothes are built well and the material is great, but there is something about it that I can't get with. I think it looks a little too generic for my own personal taste. They have a couple of pieces, but I'm good. I just skipped over to Flying A...if you know what I'm talkin' about then gimme some dap.

I went over my Dear Ma's house and we were watching the Victoria Secrets fashion show and my Dear Ma had excessive commentary...too much to review here, but one thing she said really made sense. We were wathcing Mary J. and Sting make a mess of themselves...call it a duet if you want, but I surely won't. Anyway, they were making a mockery of themselves and my grandmother said, "Why is it that you always see a woman with her butt hanging out and half her clothes on trying so hard to be sexy and meanwhile the man she stands next to always has ALL his clothes on? Don't women notice that men never get naked for us? They hardly show any skin, but we always feel the need show every inch without a second thought." My Dear Ma speaketh the truth. I never really really looked at it like that. The objectification is ridicuous. I know I look sexy with all my clothes on...so I'm never scared. I just think women that show it all may think they won't get noticed if they don't. It's like they need to get more naked than the next chick to get some play. I'm good on all that. I don't want a dude that won't notice me with my clothes on. Can I get an AMEN! Can I get a HALLELUJAH! Can I get ten dollars...I'm broke.

Here are a couple of nice black restaurants in NYC that you guys simply must try if you can:

Mecca
Jezzabelle's
Shark Bar
Negril
Lola
B.Smith's
Jimmy's Cafe (Harlem location)

I've been to all of them and they are all cool. Some are better than other's, but they are all decent. None of them are 'hole in the wall' type of places. They all have a level of class. By far Jazzabelle and B.Smith's are the best as far as food and atmosphere, but this is just my opinion because as I said, they all are cool and I would return to each one again (especially Negril and Mecca). I've frequented Shark Bar the most out of all of them. The places that I still want to get to are:

Bayou
Soul Cafe
Mobay's
Cafe Lafayette
Moomba
Akwabba Cafe

My spelling may be off, but I'm not the owner. Moving on... As I was walking down Prince St. I saw a lot of little intimate cafes with couples eating by candle light. Was that suppose to be one word? Oh. I thought that was really romantic. I than began to smile and think of all the things I want to do with my imaginary boyfriend. Oh, I never told you about him? It's not as bad or desperate as you may think. Actually...it just may be so, I take that back. Nah for real, I sometimes day dream about hanging out with some faceless nameless honey...what's the harm in that? A great date with him would be:

Meeting me for breakfast at this place called Breakfast Good Enough to Eat or Chat 'N Chew and greeting me with a copy of "There Eyes Were Watching God" by my girl Zora Neale Hurston or I can settle for a copy of Honey. What am I bringing him you ask? Don't worry, this is MY great date let him imagine what he wants. Then we split up and do our own thing and get back together early evening for dinner at Isla Cuban Restaraunt or I'll even settle for Blue Smoke BBQ. After that we can catch the play All Men Aren't Dogs...errr...let's just change that to Ma Rainey's Black Bottom. Or if he doesn't want to do the play thing we can always go to the Comedy Cafe' at Jackrose. Then after (because the night is still young we can go Latin dancing at Clemente's! If he refuses to dance we can hang out at the Bowery Bar and Grill. Then we can go home (doesn't matter who's home does it?) and snuggle up to Y tu Mama Tambien or Boomerang or something. Welcome to my imaginary world...

I actually used to have dates like that. Well, truthfully not all in one night. There were never two back to back activities that didn't include eating. It was a play then home or dancing then home or a museum then home home home. Ya know, I don't know if I would be able to hang through all of that anyway, it all sounds good, but I get tired semi quick. I need to get my nails done. I don't get tips or a wrap or anything else that involves glue and a face mask. When I say "get my nails done" I'm actually talking about the calcium that grows out of my own fingers getting filed and painted. Yah. What do you all prefer rounded or squared? I like sqaured personally.

2003-11-21T11:29:00.000-05:00

Well, thanks a lot people...because of you I have done some research. You all always try to set me up for foolery. If I said I wanted to jump off a bridge just so I know what it feels like to fly, you all would be cheering me on wouldn't you? I don't know why I let you guys hype me up. This reminds me of a time in college when a bunch of people dared me to get into a dryer and take a spin. I did it like a jackass and nearly broke my neck and punctured my spleen (is that possible?). If any of you have done that to a cat or any type of small animal, you should be ashamed of yourself. I mean I've done it to a cat named Black Jack, but that's besides the point. He was evil and deserved it. Eff that cat, if I see him in the street he better run. Yes, I do carry vendettas against humans as well as animals...I don't descriminate. Sometimes animals try to get personal with you and do things out of spite, for example monkeys. When monkeys slap you in the face... they are really trying to smack the ish out of you. They even laugh and point. Not that 'I've ever been smacked by a monkey, but you know what I mean. Or birds...they are aiming to crap on your head...if you think it is just a coincidence then you're a fool. They do it to get their laugh on. Animals are wicked. So if you ever see me in the street wrestling with a monkey or bird then you'll know it is because they have offened me in some way. Where was I? Oh yes...the dryer incident. The dryer I went into was a jumbo dryer and it spun me around a good time and a half until I jumped out...yikes. People were laughing and hollering, but I was the one left with the feeling of pain and shame. I'm still not totally healed (emotionally that is). Bastards.

Anyway the whole point of all this is to say that when people hype me up enough, I'm likely to do anything (yes, I have danced naked with a homeless man before all because of a dare...where's your sense of humor?). I actually LET my comment box dictate my actions. You all made me curious. Dag. I TOLD you all he was perfect just as he was. Perfect. All that sparkley lovey dovey moist stuff you all said about crushes got me thirsty. I have discovered that he not only has a girlfriend, but he smokes (I think he smokes..could be wrong about that...but y'all know I'm never wrong). Ugh. Do you know how much of a turn off that is?! He was perfect and poof just like that...it's gone. I can deal with the girlfriend part because those come and go, but smoking...nah man. Can't get with that. Funny thing is he has a really beautiful smile. Who am I kidding, I can't get with the girlfriend part either. When I find out someone is attached it's...well...not good (for me). I don't like competing for men...not my style. Welp. Thank you for ruining my fantasy. This will be the last time I let you all hype me up. *giggling* You guys just want entertainment. Do I amuse you? You laughin' at me? I'm just your personally little clown right?

2003-11-20T02:15:00.000-05:00

I want somebody to walk up behind me
and kiss me on my neck and breathe on my neck
been such a long time...I forgot that I was fine
just kiss me on my neck and breathe on my neck

So I started a brand new J-O-B. No explanation point necessary. I'm paid more and my responsibilities have increased, but ...eh. It's not like I'm enjoying myself. Anyway moving on to the more important part of the job...with this new job I have a new crush. Oh yay! Be still my chambered muscular organ that pumps blood received from the veins into the arteries (heart). I'm too many things, aren't I? After the (online) spectacle I made regarding my admirer, it would only be fitting that I instantly get a crush of my own. I'm so sickening *finger down throat*. How can you all stand me. It wasn't really a question that's why I just put the period. Can we say pharisee people?!

I think part of my crush can be attributed to the fact that I am...err...romantically lonely. I need to fill my self afflicted void with fantasy. He is my answer. I can not say who it is because of my paranoia. I think people at my old job, new job, future job(s), and friends and family all read my blog. I've NEVER given anyone the address..thus the paranoia. I don't want to hang myself by giving these people (make believe or not) the information which (I imagine) they are reading day after (imaginary) day. Yeah, welcome to my world people. I can tell you all another reason why I don't want to get too specific, but then I would be giving too much away if he ever reads this (if it's up to me he will never know how hard I'm crushing). Besides, I've made the mistake of going to my site at my job and if any computer genius decides to track back and be nosey then they might come across this. Okay I know I'm digging, but let me live. Back to the crush....

The best part of having a crush is knowing that the other person has NO IDEA. It is deliciously delightful to have a secret crush and walk by them and not even look their way. Then just smile to yourself inside. Wow. The only thing that makes me frown is knowing he's not paying any attention to me...he doesn't even know my name (thank you Alecia Keys) he doesn't even care to know my name. Well we've talked and exchanged names, but that usually happens when you are new on a job. I mean he hasn't really extended himself anymore and people usually extend themselves when you have tweeked their interest. Right? This is why I frown. I haven't tweeked him. I'm good at seducing...should I seduce and just trick him into liking me? Nah. The fun would be lost. He is perfect to me right now. Do you all realize that before you really get to know a person they are perfect (perfect as in- the possibilities of who and what you may imagine them to be is endless because you don't know the truth yet)? I want to keep him perfect. He has the sex appeal and I AM NOT imagining that part. His voice is like a cool breeze. He appears very intelligent. Be still my blood pumping organ. Elkkk! I'm being madd corny right now. I'm hating myself for this. Get a life Boog! Man Up! I'm getting moist.

Who cares...he's beautiful.

2003-11-14T23:26:00.000-05:00

Sooo. I have been so tired when I get home lately that I haven't really been physically able to write new posts. I would do it at work, but there are too many bugaboos for me to even bother. Bugaboos reminds me of the word jiggaboo, which reminds me of one of my favorite movies...

Oh you're just a jigaboo...tryna find somethin to do!
Oh you're just a wannabe...wanna be better than me!

If you don't know what movie that's from then you should crawl back under your rock for another hundred years. I love that whole scene and I love the step show scene too. N-E-Way. My friend and I have such a corny sense of humor. We were talking about the Bible and God and somehow he started telling me how God calls us sheep because we have no guidance. I asked him what he meant by that and he told me that sheep are one of the DUMBEST animals on earth and he said that they follow anyone or anything because they simply don't have a mind of their own. I found this so funny. I started to think about it (I'm always seeking out a new term to mock someone with...ding ding ding!). I said to him well if sheep are stupid I'm going to start to call people sheep when they piss me off. I told him that it was a perfect word because it sounds so endearing, but it's really a huge insult...and if the people are as dumb as I think they are - then they won't even know what I'm talking about. They won't even know I'm insulting them. I'll just be like, "You're such a sheep!" ROTFLMBO!! We were thinking up little scenarios together and ending them with you're such a sheep. Just another way to get through the day. I need help...I know.

I was going to write about this already, but you and you beat me too it. It's okay though. Mos Def has real sex appeal, man. There is something about him. It's not really his physical appearance because he has ordinary features. It's not his style of dress because I like most, but not really everything that he wears. It definitely has a great deal to do with his intellect and the way that he conducts himself. Makes me say HOTT DAMN. Add the licking of the bottom lip and he's got me mesmerized...did I get too deep? Excuse me if I get too deep.

I was reading an online article that referenced to what makes someone beautiful. From what the article said it is just an average...I guess a bit of a curve. The article said that from our childhood we have averaged all the physical images of people that we see and the combination of them has left an imprint in our brains. When we look at people we instantly compare them to our average imprint and this is how we determine their level of attractiveness. This is some sick twisted stuff. It's true. Another thing that the article referenced to and we all know this I hope (this is an intellectual blog so I have concluded that mostly intellectuals read this...yeah *holding in laughter*) is the fact that men are more visual than women. Men are mostly looking at physical features and women are including physical, intellect, behavior and other details that men just normally and generally don't (and it's true so don't start leaving any bull shi!t comments). This is why when men are like, "Oh yeah...that's me" we're like, "Ewwe...her?!". So yeah...just thought I'd share that.
Moving on....

Let me say this... I really like the whole idea of having a group of girlfriends to hang out with and talk to. I really wish I had a group of friends like...well...the show Girlfriend or Sex and the City I'll even take a similar group from the bootleg movie Two Can Play That Game. I like having female friends, but they are hard to come by. I have begun to believe that I'm getting too old to make those kinds of friends at this point in my life. I hope I'm wrong. It's kind of late in life to go friend shopping right? Grown women are more resistant to befriend people. I find that a lot of women don't want to be bothered with being friendly. I'm totally not all that great at extending myself to people. Why don't I have a group of friends like that already you say? I must be one of those hard to get along with girls, you think? Nah...not at all. I have two friends that I have known and been tight like peanut butta and jelly since Jr. High. They don't enjoy one another's company so I can't build from that. I also had a solid four from college, but...eh. Grew apart kind of...I guess. Shut up. Then I have friends that I have had that aren't tight tight, but I will reach out and touch them every so often. There is nothing like having sistergirlfriends. I am not one of those women that say, "Rah rah rah...I don't get along with women- I prefer my male friends. Women are too shady." I really don't feel that way. I guess the whole point of my bibble babble is to say that I really need to check myself and extend myself a bit more instead of easily disposing of my friendships and I should extend myself more too. I need to do a better job at keeping in contact with people that I truly do enjoy the company of. Maybe I had more of a point then that, but I shall stop here.

2003-11-10T20:50:00.000-05:00

Here's just a quick update on the guy from my job that wrote me the note. First let me say that I am not good at updating. I talk about so many different things that have a "to be continued" type nature, but I never follow up. For once let me follow up. I didn't pay attention to the majority of the suggestions...'cause I'm a rebel baby. I never mentioned the note, never alluded to my feelings either way, never said a word or gave a gesture (as in thumbs down sign while blowing rasberries in his face), I didn't give him a "hellz no" note back...nothing. Check this out though. There were several opportunites for him to say SOMETHING...ANYTHING, but he never said a word. We were even in a car alone together (he gave me a lift to the train) and he never even said anything! We were sitting in the conference room alone waiting for a meeting to start...nothing. We talk about everything BUT the note. He's come into my office to ask me things...I've also been in his. Those would have been perfect opportunities to say something. To me that's just so insane. Anyway, we had this team meeting and in the middle of the meeting several days after he gave me the note and several times after private opportunities have passed...he scribbles another note. Another note you say?! Yes, I say! This is toooo stupid to make up...you know that. It said, "Did you get the note?". I just screwed my face up in a clueless look- you know, the kind of look people give when they can't understand what you're saying. Silence! I know what your thinking...why didn't I just say "yes". The answer to that would be: because I didn't want to.

Stupid is as stupid does. If he's going to act so "blah" then I'm going to act "blah". I mirror...that's what I do. He wants me to be the pursuant and it's not happening. He's trying to manipulate me to make some sort of move or effort. It's almost as if he's behaving like I wrote the note. This is some real twilight zone ish. Do y'all think this is some kind of set up? Could he have gotten some kind of fake note with my name signed? I can't make any sense of this- at all. I'm through. I'm spent. I can't be bothered. Later for all this.

Oh oh oh...I forgot to mention that after he scribbled that second little note he never mentioned anything about it again. What a tard. I didn't mean that, but I did. Ciao ciao-

2003-11-08T18:18:00.000-05:00

Ya mon! Nuff respect. I'm just being silly because I know I'm about to eat. I just put a mini veggie pizza in the oven. I'm one of those annoying people that suddenly gets joyful and the inner light in me begins to glow when I know I'm about to eat. I could be the meanest person in the world, but when I know I'm about to eat I become a shiny happy person. I even begin to sway and do sporadic little dances of joy. How sickening you say? Dear sir or miss, don't hate. That's my new thing this week - don't hate! I enjoy my mockery of overused terms...don't hate.

I've been hearing too much chit chat about Camel Head (a.k.a Jay-Z). Why do people even care so much? How many times can two of the same people have the same conversation about Jay-Z's retirement? Have that convo once and be done. If you don't work for The (pseudo) Source or Vibe or something why should you even care so much to be talking about it on a daily basis? Daily? C'mon mon. What he eats doesn't fill your belly (we all know the real saying, but let's keep things clean for the kids). As a matter of fact why am I talking about Camel Head? The pot and the kettle, the pot and the kettle.

Hey, I've found the source for the shawl that Jessica Simpson always wears on her show! K, why aren't you smiling too? Anyway, I've become privy to the source and I will be copping. Don't hate. I don't want the same color that she had though. I've been eating Kit kats as of late. Just thought I'd share that. Yup.

The African Heritage Network has started casting for a new black reality series. This should be goood. When I typed goood I really meant laugh jolting. There will also be more age variation in the casting. It's in the beginning stages so I don't know all the details. I can bet they'll have more interesting "characters" than lame Coral, with her cigarette holding, continually popping ish, crocodile tears faking self. Don't even get me started on Adam, with his no rap skills having, gettin' mushed in the face, sonned and herbed on national television, chaplin hat wearin', forever chasing after women that only want camera time self. That chick from Starting Over Can. Not. Be. Serious. If none of you have had the pleasure of catching this show then you must have had something better to do like work or sleep or school or clipping your toenails, but that's beside the point. Nzanga...is that her name? Well, whatever her name may be she is a trip and if she lived among her peers she would have been cut smooth long ago. Her ish stinks and that's all there is too it. The way she's going she may never graduate from that house. None of you know what I'm talking about any more, but it doesn't matter because I just needed to get that off of my chest.

On a final note...you know what I can't stand? Being laughed at or teased by kids, as an adult. It is the most humiliating\infuriating thing in the world. You can only say and do so much because...well you know...we're suppose to be the adult in the situation. But bump that. If no other adult is around, the kid will be verbally abused by me (I'm kind of joking, but not really...I won't curse at them or name call, but my goal will be to make them weep). This little kid tried to play one of my co-workers. He was making light conversation with them the way adults sometimes do. Anyway, the guy was laughing and joking with the kid and then the kid felt comfortable enough to test him and tried to play him talking about, "Your hands are ashy. Ewe, they crusty. Don't you believe in lotion?" then his chubby azz starts to giggle. Then his brothers and sister start laughing, pointing and being very extra. The guy was laughing it off or whatever, but I do not play that. So I heard what the kid said and I walk over and say, "Excuse you, you are speaking to an adult, he is not one of your little friends from the street. Do you want me to tell your mother what you said so she can smack you again like she did when you all first came in...and make you cry a second time for the day? You need to apologize to him for talking too much. If you weren't so fresh you would know that you still have sleep in your eye." Then I look at his brothers and sister and say, "You should not be laughing with him. It's not so funny anymore is it?". I know what I said may have been a bit much, but this isn't my first run in with that kid. You all just don't know. When you talk to him you have to let him have it so he understands. Besides, everything I said was true, his mom did pop him in the mouth when he first came in because of his behavior. The kid is rude and needs to be put in his place and I'm always ready for the challenge. Here I am to save the day or embarrass someone, which ever comes first (sometimes it's one in the same isn't it?). I really am a pleasant person as long as I'm not hungry, you don't bring animals or rude children around, your breath isn't tart, and you don't talk about Camel Head retiring.

2003-11-05T21:52:00.000-05:00

I don't have anything interesting to say...not even remotely. Did I spell remotely right? Eh....

Why do people let their dogs walk without a leash? This guy had a big dog, the kind that looks like a horse, and the dog was an entire block behind him. They were basically both doing their own thing. I am scared to pass unleashed dogs. I never know when they're going to go wild. I just don't want to take the chance. The thing that disturbed me the most was the guy talking on his cell phone for four blocks straight and NEVER turning around to make sure the dog was there. Having four feet gets you wherever you need to go two times faster. I wish I could have jumped on that dogs back and rode him the rest of the way to work because I was late.

I have an unkind mean streak that I need to break myself from. I need help. I am becoming mean. If I'm holding the door for someone and they don't say thank you by the time their first foot get's through I let it go on them or I slide my foot out and trip them, then I'm like, "my bad" knowing full well I meant to do it. Or if someone bumps me from behind on the train and doesn't say excuse me I kick the back of there foot and look away. What is WRONG with me? Is that some childsih stuff or what! When people look at me for longer than a glance (which equals 3-4 seconds tops) I roll my eyes. This includes little children. I am getting to old to act like that. Shame on me. Am I the only one that says "thank you" to bus drivers before I get off? I was raised to say please and thank you. I've noticed no one says thank you to public bus drivers. I'm like Jeckle and Hyde.

Here is my winter shopping list:
*Cinnamon brown pair of UGGS
*Some kind of Goose coat don't know what yet (any suggestions?)
*New jeans
*Dress coat
*Some work slacks that actually fit
*Some real nice sunglasses...because sunglasses look even cooler in the winter
*Canon digital camera (I'm not trying to spend more than 3 bones...should I look at a different brand or is Canon okay?)

I'm not big on the exploitive Christmas gift giving thing, but I like to give to people I just don't like to be guilted into it. We celebrate Kwanzaa in my family, but we celebrate Christmas too. I think celebrating Christmas defeats the purpose of Kwanzaa, but eh...this is how we do it. Christmas is not a heavy gift thing though. My whole point in mentioning any of this is to say I do not like being pressured to give. LOL. I just don't. I think it's a grimy thing to do. I'm about to hang the whole gift giving part of Christmas up because it's far too draining. Especially for all the broke moms and dads out there. Children have been told by the media that they are suppose to get gifts on this day. It's really just a lot of pressure. I don't even like to get gifts because 1) I'm hard to please and 2) I can buy my own gifts which is extra benificial because I know exactly what I want. Christmas is not in the spirit of giving it's in the spirit of receiving and just because you put a star at the top of a tree and sing 'Hark the Harold Angels Sing' doesn't mean it's about Christ. *crickets chirping* Now let me hop back on my broom and head back west. I'm glad I could kill everyone's holiday cheer a good 2 months in advance! Whoopee!

2003-11-03T19:45:00.000-05:00

I called my Dear Ma (grandmother) this morning and she was so happy to hear from me...that really made me smile. I need to do a better job of calling her on a weekly basis. I'm going to have to take my lunch to work for three days this week (which I should be doing anyway). I like to take my lunch to work because I want to, but this week I have to simply because my money is funny and my change is strange. Today this man got me so upset I started talking with my pinky finger. When I start waving my pinky finger around and gritting my face this would be a clear sign that I'm heated. I'm not even going to mention what it was over because I need to let it go. Gone.

I read a post that briefly mentioned CB people (C*ck Blockers for you sensitive readers). I must say that CB people really annoy me. There are several different kinds, shall we quickly review? Mkay. There are the Party Pooping CB that ruin YOUR good time because THEY aren't having a good time. There are the attention hungry CB that can not stand to see you giving attention to anyone other than them so they all of the sudden need your attention for every living thing they're doing. There is the unintentional CB who isn't even aware that they have CBed until you bring it to their attention by giving them shade for several hours after they've committed their crime. The worst kind of CB (the party pooper gives them a run for their money) has to be the "It makes me feel better about myself to step on your toes and put you in your place" CB. I take this kind of CB real personal. I've had a history with these kind of chicks through high school and a tad bit through college. At this point in my life it only happens occassionally because frankly I really haven't been in too many positions for woman to pull that type of business with me. When it's tried I get into my "DO NOT MESS WITH ME...YOU WILL NOT WIN THIS." mode. Yes, ladies and gentleman it does get just that serious. I still have one friend that is a bit of a party pooper\I need your attention CB, but I give her looks that let her know "you're doin' too much right now...fall back honey". Truthfully that is one of the reasons I don't like hagning out with her too tough. What a stressful bunch you CBs are. If you...yes, I'm talking to you...may be suffering from this sick disease- seek help. It's not a very attractive characteristic. If you have an associate that may be suffering needlessly from this illness lose them quick. Most of them don't change. Or do they? I try not to stick around long enough to find out.

The song Not Today by Mary J.Blige featuring Eve has a real nod your head beat. Me likey.

2003-11-01T06:08:00.000-05:00

I went to an engagement party. It was romantic only because I sensed no pretense in their love for one another. They kissed several times throughout the night. This is something that I've never been totally comfortable doing. Frenching someone when I know people are watching! Yikes. I've often thought about what I'll do on my wedding day when the officiant says, "You may now kiss the bride." I'll probably pull out a newspaper to block everyone's view. Yes, I'm just that shy. Well not really, but really. I don't like ostentatious affection, but I think I can manage a five second kiss in a crowded room. Maybe a pat on the butt. Handholding isn't a staple for me, but I don't frown upon it. The truth is, I am my own walking contradiction. I love affection, but I get all "get away" when too much of it is happening in public. Or maybe I haven't been swept off my feet enough to even want to be tongued down for 7 minutes straight on the A train.

One thing that really sparked my interest was the couple slow dancing together. I was suddenly filled with longing. I've never slow danced in public with a guy. Well there was this one time when a guy gave me a pity slow dance at my surprise party, but it was more of an obligatory slow dance so it doesn't count. I would love to slow dance with someone that I loved in public. Now THAT I can do in public. If they ask you why we did it.... HEY we did it for love! *sigh* *dreamy eyes*. Who farted? Y'all sure know how to kill a mood.

Are there places to go slow dancing with someone? They don't even play slow jams in clubs. They never played slow jams at school parties. So where do all the hard up people like me go to slow dance? Livingrooms don't count. If I have to wait until my (non-existent) wedding day to slow dance with a man then that will be one sad realization. I need a slow dance like right now... c'mon I've waited a whole 26 years. Someone take me out of my self afflicted agony!

I was chatting with a girl at the place and she told me she went to Howard. So I said, "Oh okay... that's a wonderful school." Here she go, " Yeah it's the black Havard." *roll of eyes*. So I say, " Oh is that what they say?" with my eyebrows raised. What's up with the white comparison bull ish? Why is it that we compare a lot of what we have to it's white counterpart in order for it to be good? Good hair, pretty eyes, light skin, good neighborhood, corporate America, go 'head with all that. Who said Havard is the standard anyway? It was never the standard for me and I resent implications that it should be. Why does anyone have to call Howard the black Havard like that is suppose to mean something. Howard is Howard and it is an excellent school in it's own right. It does not have to be compared to anything else in order for it to be a school of excellence. Maybe I'm just too conscious for some, but statements like that really bug me out. Oh you have good hair girl! Why because you're comparing it to a white person's hair texture? Oh your eyes are pretty! Oh because they're hazel or grey which is a commonality usually found in persons with low melanin counts? Oh you live in a great neighborhood! No you just live next to white people and white does not a great neighborhood make. Enough of the dumbness. Schools are schools, people are people, hair is hair. We should recognize people and things in their own right.

The party was in a private room of a restaurant, so there was no open bar. A lot of people wanted something to drink, but they really didn't want to pay. I'm glad I'm not a lush because drinks cost too much. Anyway I saw a lot of people buying one drink. What is the point of this? If you're so pressed that you need a drink instead of the juice and stuff that's offered what will one drink do for you? What is the point of one drink? Unless it is something strong or you're taking something straight what would be the point of doing this..... other than wasting money? I thought the whole point of drinking was to get wet...tossed...nice....tipsy...whatever you want to call it. Can someone explain the science of buying only one drink? I always ask stilted questions...I need to stop that. How long do you think it will take the government to implement National P.Diddy Day?

2003-10-30T09:36:00.000-05:00

Goodness! I've been waiting hours for Blogger to get their ish together. What do they mean they will be down for several hours?!?! Isn't this suppose to be a 24 hour operation? I have some very entertaining stuff to post that simply can not wait. If I knew where the founder of this little operation lived, I'd take my strap straight to his bare behind for making me wait like this.

Guess what guys? I got a letter from an admirer. No no wait! Don't click the X from all your disappointment! Let me finish. This letter was from a co-worker. If I could scan and post it I promise you I would. When I went to check my inbox in the copy room I saw an envelop. I check my inbox periodically. Everyone in my office overvalues their title so much that they'd rather walk to the copy room and put things in my box, instead of simply walking the extra 3 feet to my office and putting it on my desk. Doing that would make them feel too much like my personal assistant or secretary (or maybe even human), I suspect. I don't have any problems throwing things on their desks though, but this is neither here nor there because I'm about to run away from this circus and they don't even know it yet. Suckers.

Back to the note! I walked back to my office, tore it open and started reading the following:

(my name),

I wanted to let you know something. I'm the type of person that comes right out and says what's on their mind and I like to come right out and say what I feel. I don't know what your situation is if you have a man, but I've been checking you for a while now. Would it be alright if we get to know each other better? I don't want to offend you or mess our professional relationship up so if I've offended you I apologize. Let's keep this between us.

Jah Bless,

(his name)

I proceed to immediately pick up my phone (whenever you tell a someone not to do something...well) and call one of my close co-workers over. She comes in and I tell her to close the door. I pass her the letter immediatley. She reads it and looks at me in disbelief. We are both equally amazed. We begin to bust out laughing like a bunch of school girls. I'm talking about laughing profusely at his note! I love getting high off laughter, my tummy really filled with delight! These are the reasons we laughed until our throats went dry:

1) If he is such an upfront type of man... why is he giving me a letter?

2) Uh, you have your Masters, 70% of our job is writing, why does the letter look like it was written by a 7th grade child(... make that 5th grade)?

3) Of course this would make me feel uncomfortable.

4) I'm not interested.

5) In you.

6) Miss me please.

7) Does this mean he won't buy me lunch anymore?

8) Who is this Jah person?

9) Now there will be weirdness.

10) Thanks a lot partner.

11) You're a real team player.

12) He's got dragon breath.

I would have never even considered dating someone I work with. I don't know how people even do that. How does that work? Nevermind, I don't want to know. The most hilarious and stich splitting part of the story has not yet been told folks. The day after I got the letter he never even mentioned it. Huh? Wha? Can Jah help me out here? He's going to drop a bomb like that and then let me rock? Talk about leaving someone hanging. He's an attractive looking guy (the dragon breath part is true which leaves a stinky smokey haze around all the positives). He is Jamaican with long dreads. He kind of looks like a smaller shorter version of the guy who used to host teen summit. I think he may be trying to get into that naturalist stuff, instead of using toothpaste he may chew on twigs and peppermint sticks in the morning. I knew this guy in school who used to be into that. He didn't use any kind of household deodorant or toothpaste. We started calling him Teardrop because his funk made us cry. Back to my story though....

He's such a nice guy and aside from all my banter I am flattered. I'm just not interested in getting into a nightmare..... errr situation like that. Bad business. If this 28 years old grown man doesn't bring the letter up than neither will I. It's not my responsibility, besides I feel like I've done more than enough by making an entire post full of mockery and ridicule. My work here is done. I don't even know what I would say. Rejection is not uplifting and I know how it feels. The last time I put myself out there for a guy was when I was 19 and he dissed me. He said negative. I basically ran with my tail between my legs- yes I have a tail...it's long and slender. Problems!? The guy did it in a nice way, but still... it's never a good feeling. I think the guy at my job is just looking for a woman that's smaller than him-- and that's pretty hard to come by because he is a tiny little dude. I could hold him in the cup of my hands like a delicate little butterfly. Small girls don't like small guys because then our babies will come out small. You heard it here first kids!

I think I'll just say, "I don't mix my personal life with my professional life (unless you look like Loon or Blair Underwood)". Of course the last part will be mumbled... I'm not stupid. How long do you think it will be until he says something? I hope it takes forever... literally.

2003-10-28T05:45:00.000-05:00

Let's be random one mo' 'gain, shall we?

- Am I the only one that thinks Christina looks like a pelican?

- Didn't the other Matrix JUST come out? I'm not ready for this one.

- So is everyone trying to turn yoga positions into new dance moves or is it just my imagination?

- Who en dee hayle cares about Liza Minnelli's love life?

- So what is a person REALLY supposed to do in front of an immense group when they have a SEVERE WEDGY? Remember, it's SEVERE so the shifting and wiggling thing won't work.

- Never mind how the wedgy got there... just give me the SOLLUTION man!

- Thongs feel like one big wedgy.

- If it's wider than an inch or so, Houston will have a problem.

- I can't stand to wear them things any more.

- I have come to a conclusion that if you wear thongs enough times consecutively it will permanently widden your butt crack.

- IT'S TRUE!

- So is Cristal the new forty?

- Yesterday I saw someone try to hop out of their car with their seatbelt still on... painfully funny.

- It makes more sense to take a shower at night then in the morning. Think about it.

- How does stuff get under toenails? Is that like dead skin?

- I really thought Chico Debarge was going to have a successful career.

- I also thought the Yankees would win.

- Also thought McDonalds would bring back there butter cookies... you know, the McDonald Land jump offs.

- I can't stand video countdown shows. Pretty pointless if you ask me.

- MTV should come up with "Made" episodes for adults... I'd like to be made into a breakdancer... among other things.

- Bubblin' brown sugar a sugar with a happy beat!
Bubblin' brown sugar joy is what it's all about!
Bubblin' brown sugar a sugar with a happy feet!
Bubblin' brown sugar is a simulated Harlem treat!

- Why en dee hayle did P. Diddy cut his hair in a mohawk?? Uh.... He's doin' too much right now. Pump your breaks YOUR SPEEDING!

- I think the best scent on a man is the smell of a dinner he cooked.

- Next to that it's got to be Issey Miyake and Marc Jacobs for men.

- What's so great about big breast? What do men really think they're going to do with them anyway?

- Don't answer that.

- Big breast are about as useful as big balls.

- Why get implants? Seriously, male validation is not that important.

- No I haven't been programmed to say this.

- Yes... I do have implants, but they're for work.

- LOL.

- I now understand that public nose picking and burping is not frowned upon in most cultures.

- Clay Aiken's has THE weirdest looking ears I've EVER seen in my life. Yes, I have taken E.T.'s into consideration. I stand firm on my opinion.

- So what are some good board games out now?

- Don't answer that I hate board games.

- Just filling space don't mind me.

- What do I like, you ask?

- Well, I like you.

- Other than that... very few things.

- You're not supposed to put sugar in you're grits you're supposed to put butter... it's not oatmeal. Which I detest.

- Oatmeal looks like something that's already been processed by the intestine.

- I once went a whole day in school with a curler in my hair and not one person had the DECENCY to tell me.

- Animals.

- Does anyone have a copy of Group Home's "Supa Star"?

- How about "In the Ghetto" by Eric B. and Rakim?

- From what I've seen having two windows in a drive thru is no more assertive than one.

- I think they should implement booing the kids on the Apollo... a lot of them suck.

- I can not tell a lie.

- Well, I could... but I'd rather boo.

- If you lay toilet tissue in the toilet bowl before hand, you can avoid splash backs.

- This is the first day of the rest of your life.

2003-10-26T07:38:00.000-05:00

My weekend has been pretty uneventful. Maybe I should have waited to post tonight... something could happen. I doubt it though. I managed to watch White Oleander on HBO. I drifted off towards the end though. I need to jump out in the dating world like my friend has. I just edited a whole paragraph of "too much information". I began to type too much. If you read my new bio on the side *smiling* I have a problem sharing personal information. This journal will hopefully help me with that. *crossing fingers... cross yours too* Who am I kidding though?! I haven't even posted my real name. Although if you've been blessed with an email from me you've seen it. Which is cool. That must say something. I felt comfortable enough to send an email to some folk. I'm just very protective of myself. I don't even know how I got like this. No one has ever burnt me badly enough for me to have such a "mind Your business" attitude (I mean people have used words or information that I've shared as ammunition against me later, but that happens to everyone once or twice right?). I think people I know may be reading my stuff though. I see you. So what I'm paranoid... get this monkey off my back!! People are nosey (or as my Philly people say "newsy" I can't stand how that sounds). There's already some stuff that I have in here that I don't share with everyday people. Hmmmmm. So maybe I have opened up a bit. Okay I'm bored with this and I'm beginning to talk in circles.

My friend went on two dates\meetings with two guys from that date networking thing. Is it really a date if you pay for your own food? I know it's a date when one person pays for all the meals. I don't want to get too into details (I'm really dying to because it would be funnier then an episode of Will and Grace), but one cornball had numerous IM conversations with my friend before they even met up. He talked about what a gentleman he was and basically pleaded with her to go out to lunch and then the highfalutin negro is going to ask for a separate bill. He ASKED for a separate bill. I don't think you understand. He. Asked. For. A. Separate. Bill. What?! She said she was so pissed at the tactless way he went about it, that when the waitress bought the bills back she pulled out her card and said she'd pay for his meal and hers. Bravo. He didn't protest. What a clown. Some of you may think she was crazy for that, but not me. I would have done the same thing. She was basically letting him know that she can pay for his meal, her meal, and possibly everyone else who may have been dining at the time. She was making a statement and the statement was: You are a little piece of man if you think I went out with you to get a free meal and you have just embarrassed yourself by pulling a stunt like that on a woman like me. The guy is a nut. The rule still remains, if you ask someone out be prepared to pay for their meal and whatever else you may plan on doing. If you want to go dutch let us know that ahead of time... it takes a minute to change nationality. I never go anywhere without having money to cover my own expenses, but nothing like that has ever happened to me. I don't have a problem paying for a guy though. I've tried to pay so many times and the guys still won't let me pay no matter how insistent I try to be.

I saw the last episode of Newlyweds yesterday. Nick did something really annoying, it's a pet peeve I have. He planned a weekend for Jessica and it was very thoughtful, but a part of his plan didn't work out and he told her about it. They end up doing the activity later (hot air ballooning), but before that he made this big orchestrated speech about what he planned on doing and told her that it didn't work out blah blah blah. I hate when a guy tells me what he "planned to do" or what he was "going to do". "Almost but no cigar" type of discussions turn me off. You don't get cool points from me for what you were "gonna" do. I hate being told about a surprise that didn't go through. Don't tell me at all, just keep it to yourself. It only leaves a feeling of disappointment that would have never been there if he'd just kept it to himself. If it didn't work this time then try again later... no need to share your failures with me. Like it's suppose to make me feel good that you almost bought me a mercedes, but you didn't have enough money. Or you almost bought me flowers but the florist was closed. Just shut up and keep that mess to yourself. Sometimes it's not the thought that counts it's the execution. If you didn't execute then there's no need to share it.

Okay enough with the negativity of disappointing men let's talk about some good and entertaining ones. Go visit some of my male links: Calvin, Max, Bill, Taj, Al_boogie, Kevin, Damon, Ramblin' and nOva. Y'all expect direct linkage?! You've got to be kidding me. *giggling*

2003-10-24T17:58:00.000-04:00

I heard about the death of Fred "Rerun" Berry and I felt inspired to write a little something about my encounter with him. I met him in The Black Expo at Jacob Javitz Center in New York. That was in 1998 I think. he was coming down a corridor as my friends and I were walking the opposite direction. They acknowledge it was him among one another, but I stepped to him and said "Hey! How are you? Funky hat!" He had on a fuzzy Kangol, a v-neck styled sweater with a polo shirt underneath and some jeans. I can almost remember some suspenders, but it's vague. I was going to say 'What's happening!', but I suppressed it. I'm sure he got that line excessively. I got real positive vibes from him. He told me he was fine and he smiled a lot. He even offered to sign something for me. I declined because I really didn't have anything for him to write on or with. Silly me. He told me to have a good day and touched my shoulder. He left a warm impression with me. A really delightful man, he was.

Writing about him makes me remember other A level B level and C level celebs I've encountered. I might as well write about them now before I get too old to remember.
Please be mindful that the following comments are subjective and I am aware that people have their good days bad days whatever blah blah blah. These are just my experiences. So here it goes, with no particular order:

Reverend Run- I met him at my hair salon in high school. It was on 59th street... his wife (?) was getting her wig tossed. He was dipped in white looking oh so crisp. He looked really fly. He pulled out such a big wad of cash I nearly fell out. At that age I never saw anyone pull out so much cash at once. It was bananas!

Jay Z- I've met him twice. Once in college and another time before that at the Rucker's before he was as heavy as he is now. He was ultra cool. No attitude. This was back when he had the platinum Lexus. He stopped his car and let me take a picture with him (some cornball in the passengers seat tried to get in the flick... could have been Dame... I repositioned my camera. LOL). He was a gentleman and really down to earth on both occasions.

Camron- This cat is really feeling himself. He likes to make a lot of eye contact. He tried to give a little rap, but please.

Kwame- I saw him on the #3 train with my high school boyfriend. He had a high fade and specks on blonde in his hair. I don't know what's worse black men OR black women with bleached blonde hair. It wasn't totally blonde though...I'll give him that much. My boyfriend was laughing and making jokes about him being played out and a one hit wonder. I got annoyed and proceeded to walk as far away from my boyfriend as possible. Kwame stared him down.

Most Def- I saw him this past summer on Prince Street. I made eye contact with him. I think he has a lot of sex appeal. I touched his arm hello to acknowledge that I knew who he was and he said "Hi Miss lady." and touched my arm back. I like him.

Queen Latifah- She's okay, but she has a bit of a tude. I also saw her at the Rucker's ( I always try and bring a camera to the Rucker's because there are always celebs). This was years ago before all the movie roles, but after Living Single. So, I say hi (I'm not a screamer or anything- I'm casual about it). I asked to take a picture and she said yes. I stopped and the chick kept walking so I'm like... okay. She turns around (while walking) and she was like "Well, go ahead!". With her stank self.

Frenchie (from American Idol)- I saw her this summer by 42nd Street. She was standing outside with some of her other stage mates (she's in some theater production now). She was on the phone and I said, "Hi Frenchie." and kept it movin'. She was like, "Hi.". She looked at me like 'who the hell are you?!'. LOL. She is NOT as heavy as she looks on Tv.

The DJ from De La Soul- I forgot his name. One of you old heads will tell me I'm sure. He really is a mute in real life. He's very soft spoken. He was DJing at a Boat Ride I went on in high school. He gave me an autograph. Who knows where that thing is?

Biggie Smalls and Lil' Cease- Biggie is a heavy guy, but he's not THAT big. Well, he wasn't so big when I met him. I met him at club Esso's in like 1996-97. I was a youngin'. He was cool. He doesn't dance and he stayed posted up on the wall. He asked how old I was. I told the truth because I didn't know where he was going with it... which could have been no where. He never said anything offensive. He was cool. Little Cease is real short. He's maybe 5"5 5"6.

Ludacris and DTP- I actually ended up in their hotel room after a show they did at my friends school on campus. It's TOTALLY NOT WHAT YOU THINK. They were all cool. All gentlemen. I didn't meet the girl of the group though. They smoke a lot of weed (blech). We had a nice hour and a half conversation. They showed us all the stuff they bought that day. Titty from DTP was trying to hit... which wasn't even about to happen. Did you read my last post? He wasn't blatant about it, but I've seen the drill and it wasn't happenin' captain. Ludacris does indeed have a big head- literally.

I saw Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown at a mall in New Jersey. She is totally unapproachable.

Baley (from Party of Five) Scott Wolf (?)- I forgot his real name. He's a really nice guy. He had friendly conversation and he's very down to earth.

Kelis- Another person that is feeling themselves. I have seen her so many times it's not even funny. I usually see her in Harlem. She always stares me up and down like she's got beef. Shouldn't I be staring her down? I could have sworn she even rolled her eyes at me one time. Maybe she thinks she knows me. I never even approached her or made any kind of eye contact because she's still B level. She has great style though.

Mike Tyson- Yark. He is a total pin head. He actually called me out in public as I was going up an escalator and he was going down another. He said, "I want the one right there in the brown! Come here for a second! Come over here! Let me talk to you!" The guy is a nutt. My friends were dying laughing at his foolery. As I said, yark! Not a gentleman.

Sister Souljah- She's a cool Lady. Very positive and down to earth. I really liked her vibe. She said she appreciated our exchange which I did as well. I met her after a lecture she gave when I was in undergrad. One thing that disturbed me was the two childish ponytails she had in her hair. It was very Jr. High-esque (this woman is well into her thirties). She also had on an 8 ball leather jacket *coughing back gags*. She seemed to be stuck in the coldest winter ever... era 1992. C'mon now, time to update and escalate the look, Souljah. Yet and still no love lost.

Louis Farrahkhan- He was alright. He still looked very good for his age. It looked like he had a conk in his hair. Nice strong hand shake. He keeps it moving just like a politician.

Mary J. Blige- I saw her at the Shark Bar in New york. She was having dinner with her mom. She smiled and went about her business. Understandable. She's not as tall as I thought she was. She must wear a lot of heels.

Gwendolyn Brooks- She was such a sweet woman and a beautiful poet. She shared kind words with me and was very positive. I liked her a whole lot.

Rah Diggah- She was getting a fake pony tail put in at Hilda's on 125th. I didn't even know they put fake pieces in over there. It came out nice. She was being a little show boat though. Talking all loud to Busta Rhymes on her cell. How do I know this? Because she was screming "Yeah Bus... word Busta I know! I'm getting my hair done right now Busta! I'm going to call you later Busta! Alright Bus I'll call you later." She kept saying his name so many times and keep in mind I'm under the dryer... she certainly wasn't trying to be hushed. She was also screaming on the girl babysitting her kids. Hot mess.

I've met more politicians and celebs, but I can't think of all of them at the moment. I may feel inspired to edit this post and add more as they come to me. I've had some pretty good experiences with my brief celebrity contacts. This sparked some good memories.

2003-10-22T13:29:00.000-04:00

I put up a post about men and women, but then I had a change of heart and took it down. It was a long poem, but I liked the direction of it. I may decide to share it at a later point. I'm feeling a bit judgmental today. I might as well be real about it. I understand that not everything is so black and white... and sometimes a person can ride both sides of the fence... but gimme a break already. There's just something that I'm having a real problem with. What exactly is so liberating about being sexually promiscuous?! Seriously. Who is lying to these kids (and adults) and convincing them that there is nothing wrong with "having casual sex frequently with different partners... and being sexually indescriminate" ? Uh... yuck. Like gross. Get an effin grip. It will inevitably leave you feeling empty and emotional devalued AND SICK. Do not come up in my comment box with some bull ish either because I am not the one. I'm just so tired of the lies. I wish media would stop lying to people. Damn. People are dying over this kind of behavior. Condom my azz. You can get sick with or without one. Do your homework. STDs are not only communicable through secretion, but from skin to skin contact. Now if you can manage to have sex without having some skin contact you're a liar. I can't stand liars so raise up off my page. Forget about the damage frequent random sex can do to your body, lets focus on the soul. Let's talk about false self esteem and the affect on the body's endorphins. Sex is not only very physical, but it's also metaphysical.

I just think random sex with all different types of people is really bad business for a man AND a woman. This includes putting your lips to genitalia too... you ain't slick. Okay somebody out there is sucking there teeth at me, but I know a girl that has HIV and is still having random sex. She looks as healthy as Beyonce and has no idea who she got it from. She's had it for two years now and is in total denial... I take that back. She's pissed and indignant and you want to know what she said, "Whoever I gave it to can find out just like me- by a Doctors visit because I don't remember getting an I'm sorry phone call". She is still passing around this disease like it's the common cold. Tell me what's so liberating about that?

This post is purely personal and moral and not meant to change anyone's view, but I'm tired of all this sexual liberation propoganda. I don't see what's so freeing about having double digit partners. The unsettling thing is now you don't need double digit partners to catch something. There is NOTHING WRONG with being abstinent, celibate, or a virgin. There is nothing wrong with making a conscious decision to protect your mind and body. It doesn't mean your're frigid, you're prude, or you're non-sexual, it simply means you've made a conscious choice to protect yourself. Don't try to help me understand the liberation garbage either because I never will. It's Greek to me. Pure nonsense.

2003-10-20T05:13:00.000-04:00

I went to a spa this weekend in Brooklyn Heights called Tapestry. I wasn't going to go at all because I started feeling guilty about misappropriating my funds (if such a thing is even possible). Then I thought about it and decided that I really didn't want to put off geting a spa treatment. I've been blabbing about it forever and I was just tired of putting it off. I am ecstatic that I green lighted the trip and gave myself permission to do whatever the heck I want to do with my ends ( that makes me think of that MTV spot when the kid says, "I GOT 20 BUCKS THAT I EARNED AND I'M GOING TO THE MALL WITH MY FRIENDS!").

Let me try and stay focus with this entry. Overall the trip was well worth it... well there was one traumatizing moment, but then again there are very few things that I get through without being tramautized in some way shape or form. We'll get to the drama part in a sec. Help me focus here people. I had a half day treatment and they gave me herbal tea with real china! Yeah man, I've used real china before, but I've never been given table china at a beauty salon before it was so... chabby chic. I decided to get the Genisis Treatment which includes a full body massage, skin treatment, facial, manicure and pedicure. I had a real moment. I was going to say ixnay on the full body massage because I was more interested in beautifying my skin. I didn't think I really needed a massage ( plus my cheap alter ego resurfaced when I saw the prices), but I decided if I was going to do this I was going to go all out. They gave us fruit and croissants. The fruit was very crisp and fresh and the croissants were nice and fluffy NOT the stale "blech!" kind. Let me just say this: EVERYONE NEEDS A MASSAGE. Even if you think you don't- YOU DO. YOU KNOW NOTHING. The body has alot of muscles and when you move you use them and if you decide to move on a daily basis then you are gonna need to be rubbed up. I feel like a brand new woman now that I've had that treatment. My body feels rejuvinated and my skin is glistening. The owner was very nice and she was telling us which products to buy that will reverse some of the wear and tear that we do to our skin. One thing she did mention was to stop using a washcloth on our face. I already knew this though. I never wash my face with a washcloth. I always use my hands. I use my hands on my body too. If I feel like I need to get rough then I use cleansing exfoliates. Stop getting personal with me. I do not need you pervs imagining me rubbing my glistening wet body with water dripping down my back... hee hee. Nah but I am not big on washcloths and germs. Eh. Not a fan. I am a fan of disposable face cloths though... and um body cloths. I do have a back brush, but I do weird things to disinfect that regularly. How did I get on this topic? Oh yes yes... the lady said don't use the cloths and I concur.

Can you beleive they tried to wash my hair up in there too? Now you know when it comes to black hair, white people are inept. I was not trying to hear it. She was no where near selling this Eskimo that ice. She offered to do it for free, but I shut her down. In a nice way. Then the workers began hovering around us and examining our hair (it was a slow day for them I guess they were thirsty for something to do). Now here is the trauma part. This was a day of firsts for me. I don't mind getting a little personal because I am about to share some information that I did not know... so I'm just going to go ahead and assume that another young unsuspecting lady, very well may be as clueless as I was. Bikini wax.

Now I ask for a waxing. I have always done my own little trimmings, but lets face it: I need a professional to shape me up so my stuff can look official. I thought a Brazilian wax was getting the nooks and crannies and shaping it up a bit. No dear friend. They tried to bald me! I am not with that. An ample amount of hair needs to be down there... for security purposes. Besides all that, I am not a child. That is one important physical aspect that separates a woman from a girl. I think it's a bit perverse to be completely bald down there. She offered the option of a strip... barely the width of a pointing finger. No no no no no... this would not do either. Just as perverse. The woman said, "What are you getting waxed for if you want to keep all your hair?" I told her, "Well I don't want the nooks and crannies and I would like some clean lines on the top... can't you achieve a conservative look for me? I'm not the first one that has asked for that am I?". She had too much talk back for me and I was trying to figure out how I could shank her nice and smooth while still holding the towel around my naked B-hind. Bikini waxers are very much like hair dressers. They know what you want, but they always have their own agenda. They get scissor\wax happy and ish. I began to get very descriptive with her. I broke it DOWN. I'm talking about all the way to the ground DOWN. You have to be clear when it comes to body hair because once the damage is done it's done and they have to finish the effed up job..which is all they wanted from the beginning. She tried to charge me extra even though I kept 50% of my pubs. We made nice towards the end. I don't even have alot left, but I wanted something there... I don't wanna be bald. Why do women want that anyway? I don't even like the look of baldness. It looks stank... but that's just me.

Oh P.S. That shit hurt. Excuse my language, but there's no sugar coating an experience like that. After all, it is a very tender area. Whoo! If I could have pre-sampled the pain I'm almost sure it would have been less painful to have my pinky toe shot. I got my legs waxed too even though I really don't have hair on my legs. This is getting legnthy, but I had a great time (if you call screaming out for your mommy a good time) and even though I can't afford to make weekly visits it would be nice to go every month and a half or so. The final bill with tip was about $250. It's worth it though. My skin is glistening, my body is relaxed, my pubs are trimmed, my toes and nails are looking ever so proper and I have a smile on my face (which could be a wonderfully disguised wince). Now I understand how celebs are always looking correct. If I had money to blow and a personal team around me I would be looking righteous like that all the time too. However, it is time consuming I think I'm too lazy to be pampered on a weekly basis... does that make any sense? You know what I mean.

2003-10-16T04:10:00.000-04:00

Let's be random shall we?

- Camp Jim on MTV... I've seen one episode. I will stand up and say that cheerleading IS athletic... and it's almost a sport. I went to a cheerleading camp many moons ago and we had someone just like Jim... 'cept his name was Frankie. Umm Yeah. Cheerleading is work and most cheerleaders are undercover gymnasts. You sweat, you stress out, you cry, you lose your voice, your muscles ache.... *am I hearing laughter?!?* Forget y'all.

- Uh... why is there a coffin on the stage in the Outkast (Dre's) video?

- Am I the only one that is going to acknowledge Pinks boob job?

- Will I be the only one at the New York Marathon for the sole purpose of heckling P. Diddy (willy winkle)?

- Am I the only one who wakes up with a swollen face or does this happen to everyone? Does anyone want to shed some light as to why?

- God Put a Smile on Your Face is a pretty good song.

- Let's face it 50 cent is ugly and I'm not one to make a habit of name calling.

- Has Robin Williams ever truly been funny? If he has I don't remember when. Let's give it a rest now Robin.

- After taking a good look at Bow Wow I see a method to Arruh Kelly's madness. Just being honest. Fine, I take it back.

- Something tells me things aren't going to work with Joan and the Agent.

- I just love William's (the lawyer guy) sense of humor!

- I often buy things and leave the tag on them (for months).

- I once ran a light thinking I would be able to make a left turn before the oncoming traffic could make it across... I was wrong. I began to scream forseeing the head on collision that was about to happen. I was so scared I took my hands off the wheel and covered my head. The wheel turned itself and I was in shock. After I made it across the highway I pulled over and I thanked GOD... because HE is the ONLY way anything like that could have happened.

- The Honerable Shelia Jackson Lee is the bomb.

- Can Nick Cannon get any cornier or is that not humanly possible?

- It drives me CRAZY when any kind of particle gets under my nails (or anyone elses... I look) and I wash my hands frequently... I may be borderline obssesive.

- I don't like shaking hands with or cheek kissing strangers.

- Is Brandy serious? Please girl... go home and nurse that baby.

- Last time I checked 50 Cent was still mufugly. What?!

- So besides My Wife and Kids... what is there to watch on Wednesday nights? Read a book you say? Humph. That's my MORNING thing - hello!

- There is only ONE way to eat a Reese's peanut butter cup.

- So is it true that liquid foundation is played out? I heard everyone is just doing the powder thing... do I have to wear make-up? 'Cause I don't want to. Can't I just do mascara, gloss and call it a day?

- LET'S GET FREE PEOPLE!

- I spent exactly $23. 92 cents today. How about you?

- It's hard for me to Buy Black. How about you?

- Was that a loaded question?

- Sleep is not the problem. It is the solution.

- My sentences are getting shorter huh?

- You love me? Cause I love you baby... eat a peach with me.

- Let me stop.

-No really let me start... purrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

- *giggling*

- My money's on the Yankees.

- If your man woke up with a bird chest like Snoop's would you still mess with him?

- Give me five good ones. Up top. Down low. On the Back hand side.

- Academia is not a job; it's a vocation.

- Who loves me? You love me? I love you too boo.

2003-10-14T06:41:00.000-04:00

You know what I think romance is (or isn't 'cause I tend to be contrary)? I think romance is strictly the element of surprise. Romance does not have to be about writing Mid-Summer Night's Dream poems (although if a man compared me to a summer's night I may get a little weak in the knees), it isn't always about bringing home flowers, or eating at 5 star restaurants, or doing a striptease or any of those same overused expressions of love. I mean it CAN be those things, but it doesn't HAVE to be. Some people think that being romantic requires a certain nauseating affect which is not nessessarily true. No offense to you traditional romantics, but if flowers and cards are all you've got then it's gonna get old quick fast. Romance is about doing the unexpected. Doing something that is out of your character and that annunciates the interest of your loved one more than it does yourself. For example if you dislike football and the apple of your eye LOVES football I think it's pretty romantic to plan a night of Monday night football with a big bucket of chicken, rootbeer, chips, and full access to the remote (maybe even a foot massage if they like people to touch their crusty nubs). That is unexpected... that is romance. If your girlfriend has been talking about a new dish that she wants to cook and you make it for her first... that is romance. If you know when your wife's cycle is due and you buy her a jumbo box of pads and some motrin two days before... that is romance! (y'all think I'm playing) If you know your man loves pizza and can eat a whole pie by himself and you have a pie delivered to his job during lunch... it will give him a gut..but it's still romance. It is the element of surprise. The unexpected. Being creative, but really just tuning into someone elses interest. If your honey's favorite number is 8, calling them every eighth minute of every hour while you're at work just to say "hey I love you" is some romantic ish. Everyone doesn't like flowers, poems, diamonds *cough* (it was hard for me to type that), or any of those typical things. What people do like is customized love. Paying attention and thinking every once in a while about what you can do to keep them on their toes is romance. When a woman says I want romance they are not saying I want flowers, cards, and candy blah blah... they're saying I want the element of surprise. I had to break that down to one of my young bucks. His girl dropped him like a member of Destiny's Child (lol... I made that up) and he's feeling low. I had to tell him where he went wrong. You would have thought I gave him free stock. He was clueless... he's only 24. Who knows if she'll give him another shot, but I had to tell him he was super corny for not holding his weight. Dizork. I was feeling super generous so I thought I would drop some knowledge today (puffs out chest). It's the little details kids. My work here is done *stretching arms out*. Hee hee.

I dyed my eyebrows today. First timer. I did it with a Q-tip and my surgeon hands. I'm a winner. I only let it sit for 1.5 minutes because I got scared it would come out too dark. I can't tell the difference really. I was going for Lauryn Hill-esque eyebrows. I think they look darker, but you know how the brain plays with you. Freud says people project what they wish to be true and what they are told even if it's not physically there. Okay.

I was finally called back to volunteer for a literacy program. Can you believe there is a waiting list to help people?! what type of dumb mess is that? People need to learn how to read like yesterday... not three months from now. Why do I have to wait to help someone?! Are they trying to imply that there is not a need? I know there is a need because there are grown adults in my chruch who can not read and I KNOW they can not read. It's sad. So I'm going to be helping in this program on the weekends since 7-10 at night will not cut it. Maybe when I've learned how to engage people and help them I can start a little side project. I know that teaching adults how to read is not nearly as easy as teaching children. I hope I don't blow it cause let's face it: I'm really not fond of all the fundementals of reading. I think spelling is trivial and I am not a friend of grammatical structure or punctuation. Will sea how it gooes. Do you see anything wrong with that sentence? Me either.

I've got to figure out how to put um... pictures and stuff on this thang. Y'all must be curious by now. No? Yes? Eh....

2003-10-12T06:13:00.000-04:00

Welp. I was not able to go to Howard's Homecoming. I love my friends, but I have decided that I need to make plans with people who do not work weekend hours or at any kind of job that is a 24 hour operation. Psshh. It seems like whenever I make plans my friends will beat me over the head and promise that the plans are etched in stone and then call me and tell me that their "boss" needs them and they have to work. I have not worked weekend hours since college when I worked for the GAP. I bet y'all didn't know that the GAP often doesn't close until 2 AM. Yes. Shipment... rearanging the store... and all that other miscellaneous foolery. I could not deal. Never again will I work a late night shift job or a weekend job or a job that cuts into my goofing off time (I don't mean that because I WOULD work a part time job at Bloomingdales or Saks... completely self serving interest). I dunno... maybe this is a sign that I should leave all the homecoming college activity stuff behind. Just let it go. I feel like I'm in limbo. There is nothing for my age group. Either the activity is too young or too old for me to participate in.

Since the Howard homecoming was a no go ( we were going out there Friday and staying until Sunday afternoon). My friend suggested that we go to this black professional dating thing instead. ___________ *insert laughter here*. I hate bogus dating events. It's just lame to me. I'm not thirsty for a man like that. I don't mean to be super cynical, but for me it's like when I see a bunch of rotten apples on the trees... it doesn't make me want to go apple picking. I rather just wait for next season and see if the crop is a little better later. I have no interest in dating right now. There is no such thing as dating anymore anyway (I'll reference to that in a later post). Let my pessimism marinate. I'm just not interested in the sifting process. I know it must be the same for a lot of men too. Don't start taking me into some maze of circular logic and tell me that there is never going to be a good time to date blah blah blah. I'm not trying to hear it. All I know is I am satisfied right now with hanging out with me.

Oh so back to the dating network thing. We pay $20 dollars (yes, even finding love has a price *giggling*) to get into an exclusive party. There is an even number of men and women. You can choose the type of party you want to attend. It can be BLACK PROFESSIONALS 30-50 YEARS OF AGE, SINGLE BLACK AND LATINO PARENTS 30-45 YEARS, and the list goes on (the parties vary according to age race, sexual preference, and personal interests). After excessive (and when I type excessive I mean EXCESSIVE) pleading from her I say, "Fine". Only to be supportive of her. She signs us up for a networking session called Black Profesionals 25-35. Fine, although they make it abundantly clear that you can come to any party no matter what your age (as long as you're over 21) because they don't check Id. and they understand that people may prefer certain age brackets, but they think it's appropriate to set a general age baracket for people that DO care. We went on friday evening. Now let me tell y'all how this works. They get an even number of men and women and beforehand you give them your info i.e. telephone number, email, work number whatever (it's all optional how detailed you would like to be). They seat you at a table of four people and give you drinks and appetizers. They give you a question list to break the ice, some people are not that socialable and tend to stumble when meeting and introducing themselves (it's hard talking to strangers and I understand that) so if you want to ask questions off the list then you do that it 's optional. They have different hypothetical questions or semi-personal questions such as: who is the most motivating person in your life, if you could have any job in the world what would it be, where is the most exciting place you've traveled ect. Well, there are 30 women and 30 men so we get five minutes with each person and then are told to alternate. The men move around and the women stay put. We also get little cards with the names of people and we make little notations next to them we have the option to check if we would like to keep in contact for friendship\dating\ or business-networking\or not-a- damn-thing... lol. After the whole 5 minute mingle there is a little after party mingler with music and blahbidy blah. Then at the end of the night we give our card to the Host.

The next day the host emails or calls us with a list of people who are interested in getting to know us and on what level they would like to keep in contact. We can choose the option we would like either by email, a phone call at home, or a phone call at work... or to decline. It seems all neat and clean, but whatever. I'm not going to lie, I had an alright time. it wasn't as painful as I thought it would be *half grimace\half smirk*.

I got an email this afternoon. 8 of those cats want to date me and 4 would like friendship and 3 want to network for school. I will only respond to the networking people. Yes, I know I'm a stinker. There were more guys in there mid thiries there. That is too much of an age gap for me right now. Three of the guys that said that they wanted to date were actually cool... but still I am keeping my foot down. Nope. Not gonna be able to do it. I just need some me time. My friend was elated and will be contacting every dude on her list. ROTFL!! Do your thang girl! *rolling eyes*

Anyway it is actually a good idea for men and women that are having a tough time meeting people. Would you like to go to one? Don't ask me to come, ask my friend. I have more to type because I really didn't even get into the clowns (men and women) that were in there. LOL! Y'all would have been laid out. One thing that I was paying the most attention to is how some of the men were scarfing down the buffalo wings. My word. Dag, I didn't even tell y'all what I wore. That was the best part of the story as far as I'm concerned. Eh... another time.

[Edit: Did anyone see MTV Cribs with Shaq? I love how he was telling his sons to march... I started to march with them. That was super cute. Oh and did you see how plump his baby daughter is... nah I take that back she is not plump she is diesel. She's solid. She is going to be HUGE when she grows up. She's a little husky thing. I think she could thrash Lalah Ali right now if they were put in a ring together. Alright Bub bye.]

2003-10-09T21:25:00.000-04:00

I went to two more dance classes this week. The first was a Guinean dance class (advanced) and the second was a (moderate) Hatian dance class. Let me just start by saying I did not know that there was such thing as Hatian dance class, but indeed there is. Where to begin....

I drove into the city with my friend and we headed straight to the east side. The class is not too far from Union Square, it's right by ABC Home and Carpet. So, when we got there we were about 30 minutes late. Mind you the class is 1 1/2 hours and cost 13 bucks. So, there's this snot nosed kid working the front desk and my friend tells her that we are trying to get into the class. The girl tells us that we are late (duh) and the class is closed. Then she says there's another one in an hour. I'm fine with that. So, we are standing by the window that gives a view of the class and we are peeping all the dancing. The girl calls out to us and says, "Well if you want to take it I'll let you in." So I say, "Fine. Will you let us in for $10 dollars since we miss 30 minutes?" Snot nosed girl says, "No." Me, "It seems like it's only fair *smiling*. SNG, "The class is $13 if you don't want to pay don't go." Me *sideways look beginning to open my mouth* My friend, "Well, we would just wait for the next class, but we were meeting my cousin and I see her in there so we would like to take it with her. I think $10 is fair." SNG, "Well, you should have been on time! (yes she did) The class started 30 minutes ago." My friend, "Excuse me, but I'm coming from New Jersey and I am already aware of the time. Where is the manager?" (yes she did).

The manager was there all along peeping the situation. He said that they have to pay the drummers and blah blah (without copping an attitude). Then gave us each a free pass for a friend. We ended up forking over the 13 bones, but not without some extra tude from snot nose. She is moving all slow and so I said, "Time is waisting *in a sing song voice*". So then she's all "pssshh pssshh" under her breath. I do not care. Do not play with me fresh mouth. Give me my change and go about your little business. Where's you mother? That's all I have to say about that.

We went into the Guinean class first and it was not for beginners let me tell you. That class had my chest burning.The moves were so complicated- I am talking about leaps and jumps and twists (all at the same time). I was happy that we had about ten drummers drumming for us at once. The rhythm filled the room. Afterwards I was whooped, but my friend's cousin said that the next class would be more mellow. So I wanted to check it out. A man taught that class and he was really good. The thing that shocked me most was, when the Guinea class was over all the drummers left. I started to get bummed because I was feeling the Congo drums (if that's what they're called... I'm not sure). When I started to pout her cousin explained to me that the Guinean drummers play music of Guinea and that's what they specialize in. She explained that there would be a completely different set of drummers for the Hatian class that specializes in that rhythm. Sure enough a whole new group of drummers walked in. That was love. I never knew that. I thought that it was all the same kind of beat. Anyway, the Hatian dancing was kind of a mixture of basic African and Latin moves. It was hot. Those dance classes really work all of my muscles more than any other kind of exercise I've done before with the exception of yoga. Yoga is not a friend of mine.

It took about a day and a half for all of the ache to settle in from my two classes. My back, neck, legs, and arms ached. At $13 dollars a class though I may need to go uptown and find a class that is a bit more inexpensive because I'd like to take the classes two to three times a week.

2003-10-08T09:08:00.000-04:00

Am I insensitive? Do I laugh too much? Especially, when things aren't even funny? Yes, Dommit! I do I do I do!! I am sorry (rhetorical), but I think it is fall out, roll on the ground, slap knee, sambo tap dance, tongue hangin' out, jump up and down on the bed funny that Roy got bit by that tiger. Humph! He was a dumb ass straight up. It is a known fact that tigers have a tendency to get mad and bite ish. Same thing with gorillas, alligators and all the other wild animals that you can think of. That is why I always used to watch the "Crocodile Hunter" and be rooting for the damn crocodile. I wanted the crocs to nip that man in the azz so bad because he has no business messing with them and taunting them. Same thing with bull fighters I WANT them to get stabbed up and poked with those horns... good for the bull fighters if they have to have a personal colostomy bag FOR LIFE! That's what you get when you do fool things like that. Do not mess with the animals! I even secretly enjoy watching kids get scratched the hell up by a cat when they've been messing with it for too long. One time my friend's niece pulled a cat by it's tail and got scratch the heck up nice and good. GOOD FOR HER... a lesson learned. I do not want to hear anymore news reports about this man getting yoked up and dragged off stage by that tiger. GOOD FOR HIM. He has his life... a lesson learned. I'm dying laughing that the tiger yapped that azz.

With all this said, I can admit that my laughter is often uncalled for. For instance... I have laughed at physical misfortunes that have happened to my family members. When I was in elementary school my mother was carrying some boxes downstairs in our house. My mom is very short and the boxes were kinda towering over her head so she really couldn't see where she was going ( I know you see what's coming). So as she proceeds down the stairs she is tip toe-ing around trying to get her footing... I'm sure we all know what it's like to miss a step... well honey girl had a long trip "downtown". I was behind her and watch as she tumbled. That ish was HILARIOUS. "Air Mail"!!!! Oh man. I'm sure I was already consumed with laughter before she even hit the ground. Yes, I was extremely inappropriate, but this is what I do. Welcome to my world. Needless to say my father was infuriated by my insensitivity and ordered me to my room. In my own defense I did apologize to my mom and helped nurse her knee... but luckily there were no broken bones. I love that woman, but it was funny. My laughter is uncontrollable. It must be a curse.

[Edit 9:35 AM Thank you to all the birthday well wishers! That was very sweet of all of you! Especially since I didn't even put my birthday out on front street like that. Y'all must actually read my blog because I hid it in there! lol!! Thank you everyone again!]

2003-10-07T17:40:00.000-04:00

My journal is acting up. The comment box just up and disappears for days at a time. This occurance happens on a monthly basis. If you happen to come here and the comment box is gone it is not because I decided to take it down it's because it ran away from home. Just remember Comment Box... I love you. I am waiting with open arms whenever you are ready to come back. K? k.

Speaking of runaways... my brother ran away from home once (he was about 11\12). He made it down the block and just as my dad was about to get him, he was right back at the front door. What a puttz. I never ran away. I would just lock myself in the bathroom because my bedroom door didn't have a lock. Lol. I think that was for good reason. When you lock yourself in the bathroom everyone knows you'll eventually come out 'cause let's face it... bathrooms are boring. Bedrooms can be survived in for a good two or three days. You have music, you have books, maybe a t.v. or a phone (if your spoiled), and most importantly you have a bed. The only advantages to the bathroom are the toilet and the water.

Have any of you ever ran away or locked your parents out of your room? Please share your story... I'd like to read it. Oh by the way it's my birthday! The exclamation point was very unnesessary because I don't even like birthdays. It's always nice to get acknowledgement, but I am not a celebratory type of person. I'm such a sour puss right? Right.

2003-10-04T18:19:00.000-04:00

Dave Chappelle showed a clip of an appearance he did on the Donahue show. The topic of the day was affirmative action. It was a serious show and Dave stayed pretty quiet. He showed little snippets of the conversation and did his own commentary. This is why I love Dave Chappelle:

White man: The problem that I have with affirmative action is that it's forcing people to do something. Now I don't know about you gentleman, but I don't like to feel forced into doing things.

Dave Chapelle: Oh, you mean like slavery forced?

Ahhhhhhh!!!! I really think Dave is quick witted. I really like his comedy. In other news... meant to comment on David Blaine's crazy behind a long time ago. I wonder if he is still in that box starving himself. He was suppose to stay in a clear box that dangles three stories in the air for 44 days straight with no heat, no food, no nothing, just water. Why? Food is tasty and delicious. Heat is nice and often makes one purrrr. He's not allowing himself to have any kind of human contact. He's trippin'.

I keep getting this survey every year from some educational think tank. They want to know what it is that I've been doing since I graduated from college. They pay me everytime I answer the survey. It's a couple of pages long, sometimes they send me a letter with a phone number and I do a phone interview. They get real deep with the questions too, they want to know if I'm single, if I have begun a college fund for any of my imaginary kids... seriously they ask that stuff. They also wanted to know if I planned on moving anytime soon and where would I move. I am trying to move to the D.C\Maryland area by next year. That's really where I want to go to finish my studies.

Let me just make a public service announcement to all of the young women out there. NEVER readjust your educational or professional goals or personal plans for the sake of a relationship. If you are not married then do you. I made the mistake of promising my (old) boyfriend that I would never go away to school again and because of that I sacrificed my true hearts desire. It was not a wise move on my part. I take complete responsibility for it. I ended up in a MA program that does not have a supportive faculty for their (black) students and I feel like I wasted my time and money pursuing a program that was not suited for my personal needs. The one thing the program DID give me is tougher skin... so for that I am thankful.

I usaully never cook on saturdays, but tonight I am trying to hook up some ravioli. It's going to be meatless. I bought frozen ravioli and I'll boil it for about 10 minutes, then I am going to make some sauce and add chopped onion, peppers and garlic. I'll add that together in a glass pan and top it with alot of grated mozzarella and parmesan cheese. It will bake for about 20-25 minutes and voila it's done.

I want to see that movie about that heavy set Mexican girl who's mother is constantly telling her to lose weight. It's suppose to come on HBO sometime this month. It's an independent film. Me and my independent films. Oh and I just solidified my plans for Howards homecoming next week. It's going to be a long weekend. Jyeah.

[EDIT 10:05] That HBO movie, Real Women Have Curves, came on tonight (Yea!!) and I am shocked. The girl was not even big. I think every woman should be making an (healthy) asserted effort to keep that booty phat. What's wrong with having some meat on those bones. Same thing with the men. Don't we love it when it jingles? Well, don't we? She was a nice healthy size. Her mom was tripping. Curves are good. What's wrong with mass media? Don't let them poison your minds. That character had some gusto though. She said, 'Mom there's more to me than just my baughdyyyyy" (okay she said body, but I like how baughdyyyyy looks- don't judge me). That was a good movie, however I think it was bad business for her to let shorty doowop tap that and not even leave an opening for future contact... that part should have been written out of the script. Nevertheless, good flick it gets two pinky toes from me.

2003-10-04T06:52:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I just get so tired of my inner conflicts. Somedays I literally feel like I have the whimsy of a 16 year old and then other days I feel like I'm way beyond my years. I'm sure if you pull any 16 year old black girl from a classroom of kids I would have tons of commonalities and conversation. I'm sure we would like alot of the same music, enjoy the same T.V. shows, shop in the same stores and wear the same clothes (yes, I said wear the same clothes - don't judge me). We pobably use the same words and same slang. I feel like this should bother me. Then at other times I feel like I am a 70 year old woman and I'm way too serious for my age. I get sickened by my 20 something year old peers when they talk about how hott 50 Cent's bullet proof Chanel vest is. I am disgusted when they tell me how they wanna sex some shiftless negro they don't know from Adam because he drives a B level Hummer. I am filled with dismay when they tell me they like an ugly azz purse and some matching boots that are valued at 800 bones just because it has logo all over it. I am awestruck when they tell me school doesn't mean anything because they've met some dumb azz people with a degree.

I have to step out of myself. I want to embrace my hip hop culture and my (ignorant -which is not all inclusive by any means) friends, I want to embrace my Boomquisha attitude and my 'get 'em girl' sass. I want to be able to watch BET and MTV, chill at the Ruckers and go to Jimbos, chill up in Float, hang out on 125th, go to the Black Expo, buy my booty huggers, and name brand bullish, and non-name brand bull ish trying to make it look like name-brand bullish without feeling like I am some immature hood chick (even though I don't live in the hood).

I want to be able to embrace that side of me without feeling like I'm as ignorant a some of these chicks walking the block. I want to do all this without feeling guilty that it is time for me to grow up and face the more mature me. So how do I do that? This much I have figured out. This is me this is who I am. I am a black woman who likes to listen to my hip hop, who thoroughly enjoys the foolish black sitcoms like MB2 (that is a sitcom right?) and Girlfriends. I like to see new videos. I like to chill and hang out. I don't think that I should have to compromise my "youthfulness" and other elements that I have connected to in my culture just to make some statement of maturity. I am mature mentally because I see all the stigmatisms in my community. I am conscious and I have some inner turmoil because of it. I have inner turmoil because I don't think there is anything "hott" about 50 cent's Chanel bullet proof vest and I know that he is really sending a message to young blacks males that screams "Your life is in danger and if you're going to die to the hands of drugs and violence look fly while protecting yourself!!". I want to co-sign with my non-degree having friends when they try to devalue someone's educational accomplishments by saying, "Alot of dumb people have degrees.", but I really can't co-sign on that because at least that individual was smart enough to set a goal and complete it. At least they attempted some form of knowledge on a daily basis with a level of consistency.

Can I pursue higher academia and a professional life and sitll love my hip hop culture? It surely is a state of mind for me. Can I be an educated and conscious 'get 'em girl'? Will I have to live double lifestyles and fake interest in crap I really have no interest in just to fit in with the thirty something crowd in the future? Can I watch CSPAN and 'Pimps Up Hoes Down' back to back? Is it dubious of me to set down "Invisible Man" (once again) just so I can finish "Brown Sugar 2"? I really don't think that it is. I want to be able to affirm all parts of my personality and interests without feeling like I am less committed to one. Why should I be made to feel infintile and uncultivated for still connecting with many of the things I connected with when I was 16? I feel like my span of knowledge is so vast. Why should I sacrifice what's at the very center of me?

2003-10-03T19:31:00.000-04:00

Is it just me or does that chick from the Dwele video look a little crazed? He's all singing to her telling her that he's hoping they can find away to have what they had again someday and she is doing weird stuff with her eyes. Giving him multiple sideway looks, cutting her eyes at him, pursing her lips. Then by the end of the video she's hugged up and giving him rubs. That chick is nuttttts. And that's all I've got to say about that. Unless you have MTV2 you may not have a clue as to what I was just ranting about because Dwele's video is hardly ever played anywhere else.

I'm going to be random today just because I really don't have anything all that substansial to say (hecklers keep your comments to a minimum). I visited my grandmother this week and I was watching BET with her strictly for entertainment factor. R.Felony A.K.A Arruh Smelly's video was on....ya know that step one. My mom was visiting as well and this is how it all went down:

Me: Hey mom, do you think you can do the electric slide to this song?

Mom: I can do the electric slide to anything. *arrogant smirk* Who is this?

*sidenote* It's the only organized dance she really knows how to do so she's really prideful about it.

Dear Ma (Grandmother): Yeah, who is this?

Me: This is R.Felony.

Mom: Oh *giggles* that's him?

Grandma: *clueless look*

Me: Yeah, you like this song?

Mom: Yes, what is that they're doing on the floor?

Grandma: Yes, what are they doing? Looks like some sort of shuffle...

Me: Oh that's called the slide. I think they do it a lot in Chicago and Detroit. Would you like to learn that?

Mom: Yeah *eager look*. So, that's what they are doing?

Grandma: *blank look...with a slight hint of a frown*

Me: Apparently so...

Mom: What is that he has on his head? Under the hat... is that a scarf? * Appalled*

Me: Yeah, mom, it's called a doo- rag. It keeps the hair wavy like oceans. *giggling at my own lingo*

Mom: But, you're suppose to wear that at night. He's outside now.

Me: It's a style.

Mom: But, he's outside now! Well, that's just stupid.

Grandma: It's stupid, to wear with a suit. Maybe if he had some dungarees on and had to clean the car or do some errands. He could put a little cap over it to hide it a bit.

Me: Exactly Dear Ma. I think it looks ignorant too. That's what they do though. I'm over it now. It's time to move on. No more doo-rags with the outfits. Enough is enough.

Mom: *now ignoring us and shimmying around trying to do the slide*

They crack me up.

2003-10-01T17:17:00.000-04:00

I spoke to my brother via phone yesterday. He lives in the southern region now. I love him and all that, but he talks too much. There's three categories: too little, enough, too much. He is definitely in the third category. I don't stop him because... well truthfully I have never learned how to effectively end conversations. It is not a skill that I have. I just let people yap yap yap. I really get frustrated on the inside and envision myself doing that certain thing that just makes people fall out and go unconscious. What's it called a temple touch? I dunno. Does it really exist or is that just imaginary movie stuff? Anyway, I just want to lullabye his butt to sleep so I can quietly tip toe away and continue on with my day. Hello, my name is _______ and I am a verbal indulger. Yikes. Can someone give me pointers on politely closing a conversation?

Well, as per several suggestions I am sending out the birthday card tomorrow. I wrote a little something special on the inside. Would you like to hear it? Here it go: Do your friends still tell you what to do? When the phone rings do you wish it were me calling you? Do you still feel the same... or has time put out the flame? I kinda miss you. Is everything OK? It's been been 6 months, 8 days, 12 hours since I went away. I miss your stupid face and I don't know what to say. I should be over you... I should know better, but it's just not the case. It's been 6 months, 8 days, 12 hours since yo stank azz went away.

Nah, I'm kidding of course. The above was a revised version of a Brian Mcknight song. Hee hee. I just bought a generic birthday card from Hallmark and wrote a generic happy birthday message. All because he was a generic kind of boyfriend. Nah, that's not fair, I'm just a tiny weeny bit salty right now for some reason. I'm wincing right now, but winces are very easy to turn into smiles... it's all in the eye work people... it's all in the eyes. G'head try it! I listened to alot of music today. I had down time plus my trusty discman. These three songs made me zone out today: Cassandra Wilson's version of the Cindy Lauper song "Time After Time" the version is ill man. Mozart's Clarinet Concerto: Second Movement... it always makes me feel a bit somber and sullen...but I still like it- go figure. Actually I think it's really beautiful and sad. I believe he wrote it to inspire tranquility and it does...just in a sad kind of way. Music and art and the such are very personal things anyway. People are touched differently by it. I was also listening to "You Got Me" by the Roots with E.Badu. I love that song and I especially dig the drum work and crazy rim tap at the end. ?uestlove has skills man. All those songs are really depressing now that I come to think of it. I mean the tone of them. Hmmm.

Moving on to a lighter note have any of you meat eaters tried Dominos Philly Cheesesteak Pizza? They make it look good on the commercials. It makes me want to get one...ya know...aside from the fact that I don't eat red meat. If anyone has tried it let me know how it is so I can live vicariously through your taste buds.

2003-09-29T15:32:00.000-04:00

I've been noticing some odd behavior from alot of women... it has to do with etiquette. Not many women (or men) for that matter know proper etiquette so I won't hold it against any of you if you are guilty of this. From this moment on take heed. If you've done this don't do it again...that is if you care anything about propriety. I went to Barnes and Noble yesterday and this couple was walking in front of me. The woman was walking a bit ahead of the man ( about 7 feet or so). There was a crossing and she made it to the other side of the street before the man did. So he stopped and waited for the traffic to pass while she continued to the door. When she got to the door she stood there outside facing the door and waited for the guy to come across the street and open it for her... she just stood there. Now I know about etiquette, I have taken classes as a young girl (don't ask) and I have read several books. I am beginning to see more and more dumb stuff like this everyday.

Here is the rule ladies and gentlemen. If a woman is walking with a man at even pace and she wishes for the man to open the door, she walks on the side that the door will open so he can let her pass through and then go in after. If she is not on the correct side she should pass in font of him several feet before they reach the door so he can do the manuever with ease. If he does not reach for the door first make a mental note and go about your business your hands aren't broke. Now, if you get to the door before he does it is poor manners for you to stand in front of it and wait for him to come and pull it like some door man. You are equally as rude as he is for not opening the door to begin with. You never tell or imply for someone to open your door, you simply monitor the behavior. I love chivalry in a man, however I will not die or throw a fit if a man doesn't pull out my chair. You never stand around and wait for a guy to open doors, pull chairs, or pay because if they were going to do it you wouldn't have to wait. If a guy is on top of his game he is there before you are. He leads. If he doesn't lead and go to measures of being courteous with a woman than make a mental note. If it's that important to you don't rock with them on that level again. Leave them alone if they act like they are raised by wolves.

I just think it is ridiculous to see a woman sit in a car waiting for a guy to come and open the door meanwhile his tail is already at the movie theater door. If he was going to open your car door he would have said, "Wait a moment, I'll come around and open your door for you." before he even pulled his key out of the ignition. If he was going to pull your chair out for you he would lightly touch your waist before you get to the table and say,"Let me pull your chair.". When a man asks you what you are getting on the menu they are not always asking because they want to know how much you are about to spend...some of them are asking because they are trying to be chivalrous and actually order for you. These are the things that real men do. So when you putter around and say you don't know or get an attitude when he asks thinking that he's being cheap you end up looking like the jerk (and that's probably why they let the door close on your face). If men are going to do these things they would do them on their own without any direction from us. Men will only resent us more if we give them cues. I'm not going to lie though, alot of men need cues because there are alot of clueless classless men running the streets.

Now for the men. I hate hate hate it when I open a door (because a guy didn't get there first) and they walk through it. That is some bull ish right there. That is the ultimate disrespect of a woman (okay I may be reaching, but still it is highly worthy of a punch in the throat). That is just rude. Then to add insult to injury they walk through and don't even say thank you. What part of the game is that? Everyone should always say thank you. If a woman opens the door for herself that's fine, but there should never be a time when a guy passes first unless he is incapacitated in some way. Once a boy passes the age of 10 he should automatically be holding doors for women... just for GP (general purposes). So I blame the parents for not raising there sons (and daughters too cause some of these chicks are trifling) correctly. Let's not even get into the functions that include food (mainly BBQs). I have seen men run up and clear the table bare while just leaving crumbs for the women. How tacky. Don't bother wasting any breath on the wolves ... let them be. You can not tame a wild animal. I do not have time to be a circus trainer. If I see any inkling that the guy I am dealing with is not refined and has no level of decency when dealing with a woman then see ya . Okay maybe I'll have more etiquette dos and don'ts in a later post. I think this was an excellent starter though. How about you?

2003-09-28T02:47:00.000-04:00

Yeah so umm, let me tell y'all about the Hampton Vs. Morgan State game. I had a good time. I had my (imaginary) money on Hampton from the gate. I base my calls on things that are totally unrelated to stats. I chose Hampton to win because their uniforms were cleaner and the school name sounds "stronger". Un yeah. Nothing againt MSU because the game seemed pretty close for the whole time and both teams took turns leading. I think Hampton only won by a couple of points, but I'm really not sure because I was too busy looking at all the CUTIES. WHOOOOOOO JUMP BACK! I just love to stare at black men. I mean..........give me a moment here. Okay, now what I'm trying to say is ... they are just so pleasant to look at. All those chocolatey sepia hues. You better ask somebody. There was a bunch of eye candy at this game. Since it was a college game and since I am 25 there were alot of young bucks in the house... but they can get it too. I don't have ANY problem, conflict, reservation, guilt, shame, second thought, apprehension, concern, uneasiness about staring at some fine college tail. OK! There were alot of older bros in the house, but I'm not all that good at the age guessing game. Ya know? So young and old tail were the same to me. All I know is that every tail I was peeping was legal... I hope. I don't have the desire to sit around and guess anymore because I'm always wrong. These kids are drinking something different nowadays.

So at first my people and I went and took our seats because we got there BP time instead of CP time. The bands were playing all through the game (which I loved) they were kicking it. They had an excellent half time show. MSU played more recent cuts than HU. MSU played 'Baby Boy' 'Up in the Club' and '24'. Hampton was on some 'Eye of the Tiger' tip that I just could not get with (actually I do like that song 'cause it inspires me to say 'Yo Adriean!', but I can't pop my boonky to it). Hampton's band was bigger though and their uniforms were crispier...yes crispier is a word...say it with me...crispier. Anyway it was all love love. No fights, no pow pow bang bangs, no "Nigga get your hand out my pocket!!", no Puerto Rican Day Parade esque gropings, no opening of trench coats trying to sell gold plated watches type f 'ery going on. None of that. Although, I did want to switch seats because one of these chicks next to me kept talking loud and taking up the whole arm rest.

Now, I hate arm rest conflict. I don't know if anyone out there feels the same about arm rests as I do but you are not allowed to fully occupy both arm rests ... not at a theater, on a plane, in a stadium, or any other kind of place that has arm rest seating. It's rude and discourteous. I don't care if you are my friend, lover, stranger, mother, or whomever. This chick tried to nudge me out of my arm rest position. I was about to take out my shank and cut her smoooooooth. Nice and clean. LOL. Nah, but she got nudged right the heck back ( yeah yeah yeah ... I know this is the problem with BLACK People ...Weeze gets excited about the silliest little things). It was the arrogance she had about it though...like she was entitled to the arm rest. I feel as though I concentrated too long on that small part of my day so.... Moving on....

My friends and I were having random discussions (read: arguments) while sitting in the stadium. Shall we recap? Okay. Does Tamia have a butt? I think she does...it's just muscular like Gina's from Martin (yes, I know her name is Tisha Campbell, but I rather say Gina from Martin because Martin used to clown on her boonky and big head all the time). Does R.Kelly look like he knows how to do the slide in the end of his video...should he've gotten a pro to do it instead? I don't think he looked good doing it at all ...in fact I don't think much of him period so I turn the station when his solo comes on. Hmph! People are still wearing coolgies huh? Apperently so. Hm hm hm. I brought this next topic up through inspiration from a journal I read discussing Jai from QE. Jai from 'Queer Eye' is very random and doesn't seem to have a real purpose on the show, however we all still adore him (the last part is only 50% true). Why is there only one cash lane and 10 Easy Pass lanes on the Turnpike? I say it's a conspiracy and the gubment is working it's hokus pokus on us. They are trying to track the citizens of the United States and keep a technological trail on all of us. Same thing with the metro card. Convenience my azz ... Armegedon here we come! We also tried to disuss why black people do not like to marry outside of their national culture. Jamaicans w\ Jamicans, Americans w\Americans, Panamanians w\Panamanians ect... I mean we tried to discuss it but, it became bit too heavy for our light hearted outing. I say there is some mixing and mingling, but when it gets right down to it sometimes cultural differences are just too overwhelming.

The highlight of my day was looking at all those beautiful men. I didn't really do the whole, "Excuse me what's your name type thing". I did flirt with three guys ( I took ### that I will not call...just because). I like to call it intramural flirting...it will never lead to anything other than what it is right at that moment. I help them build their ego and they help me build mine. Walk away and never look back. Game respects game. It was mostly for the fun of it. I wasn't looking sexy... sexy is too hard of a look to achieve nowadays...I just went for cute\attractive\hip hop smoothed out on an r&b tip with a pop feeeeeel appeeeeeeal to it. I had on some jeans (paper denim and cloth) that are loooow slung. No crack allowed..cause I'm a grown up. This zip up jersey top that's black and orange (it may sound a bit holloweenish, but nah ) with some kind of funny symbol on the front (but I didn't zip it all the way up cause I'm not Mr. Rogers and I am trying to show some kind of skin...I'm not a chesty gal so I wasn't oozing out like some of these broads..should I have even put all this in parenthesis...eh) some black and orange puma boxing sneakers and a wide belt with a silver buckle that says, "Praise the Lord". I have a shirt that reads "Jesus Loves Me" and sometimes I rock the belt and the shirt. How you like me now? I don't want to bore you guys with fashion stuff, but I saw alot of the trucker hat thing going on...it was cute for a millisecond, but it was really over before it even began. Please kids, do not waste your money on a forty dollar trucker hat by Von Dutch. I saw too much of it at the stadium. If you even know what I'm talking about take heed...if you don't have a clue as to what I'm babbling about you are all the better for it. Moving on....

I went to the Cheesecake Factory in Paramus after the game and it was yummy! I have more to say, but perhaps I'll discuss it in a later post. This feels a bit lengthy. *Two pounds to the chest*

2003-09-26T05:46:00.000-04:00

I am up way too early. I can't sleep. I should really say I can't get back to sleep. How wonderful for me since I have to be out of here by 8 am. My associate (note wording) saw my journal and said to me, " I like your journal, but you write how you think. It's so hard for me to read because of the style. Is that how you write your papers?". This trick here. Granted she does have a valid point because I always have grammatical errors, my punctuation is atrocious, double negatives are found periodically, more often then not I have over extended paragraphs, and of course my infamous (and often incorrect) use and usage of the ellipsis. Not to mention I ain't no good speller neether.

Let me just say this in my own defense: WHO GIVES A CRAP? GET OFF MY NONEXISTANT NUTT SAC! Goodness. Who says something like that about someone's journal? This is not a school thesis or dissertation. This is not a monograph this is a JOURNAL. I am a highly exaggerated person. I get great pleasure knowing that I have a venue in which I do not have to concern myself with the (arguably) frivilous details of script. I have no interest in the opinions of annal people who want to find error in my text. For those who want to find fault and feel the need to correct others let me introduce you to the close icon at the upper right hand corner- close icon meet annoying Ms.Penis Head. Splendid, I'm glad you two have finally met. I know you'll be back so this is especially for YOU (Queen of all annoying people).

On a side note ... I take great pleasure (I say great pleasure in a mad scientist type style while rubbing my hands together vigorously) in knowing that I am qualified to teach secondary English, Social Studies and History in the city of New York and several counties in New Jersey ... I have documented proof from the Board of Edumacation (*Neener Neener Neeeeeeener*). So how do you feel knowing someone who writes, spells and thinks like me can very well be responsible for teaching our future? Not thrilled huh? Oh well. I will not take the time to reread this entry (why start doing things like that now) for fear that it may come across too harsh and then a divine power will instruct me to remove it. This is the ugliest I really get ... promise. Some people need a good little tongue thrashing so they never come out of pocket again. Fix your face.

2003-09-23T17:43:00.000-04:00

Does it really matter if the ketchup is cold or warm? This seems to be a real issue for some people. I'll respect it though. Not because I care. Just principle. Moving on....................

I'm trying to figure out if I should send my ex-beau a birthday card. I have approximately two weeks to decide. His birthday is two days before mine. I have had zero communication with him in 6 months. All the women out there see the obvious implications of sending him a card. I need to share my feelings about this with someone so it might as well be people that I don't have to make eye contact with! I have been putting up a pretty excellent front with all of my friends and family members alike. They are convinced that I have a very masculine non-chalant attitude when matters of the heart are concerned. I like that they think that even though it's not true. When I ended my 4+ year relationship with my college honey (anyone who has had the unfortunate pleasure of dating someone in college and being a dorm-to-dorm call away knows that you multiply your dating time by 1.5.... so I might as well just say 6 years) I didn't shed a tear or even discuss the break up in depth with anyone.

For some strange reason everyone assumes that when you end a 4 year relationship one of the parties must have cheated, become some kind of addict, or become emotional or physically abusive. None of those things occured. My interest level just dropped. I refer to the interest level as the thing that keeps you enthralled and engaged. To keep the interest level high you have to be active within the relationship. Much like a sports player has to have good performance and show potential in order to get resigned. I really cared about him, but the relationship became a bit stagnant...I was trying to hang in there, but after a while I became......disenchanted.

I think my problem was that I needed someone with more get up and go. He was a bit too laid back for me. It is natural that I am attracted to a laid back man because many of the male figures in my family are very laid back and the women in my family are more....proactive. So that's what I connected with, but just because that was what I was accustomed to doesn't mean it was what I nessessarily wanted or needed. I think alot of women make the mistake of choosing men like there fathers, grandfathers uncles and brothers, not because it's the kind of man they WANT or NEED, but because it is what they are familiar with and they have learned through the women in their lives how to cope.

For example I love my dad with all my heart and he raised me, but he was laid back. Throughout my parents marriage I never saw him arrange any planned vacations, he never planned any teachers conferences, he never suggested redecorations of different parts of the home, he never suggested that my mom pick up a new hobby or that maybe they should learn one together....he never suggested much of anything. LOL....it's almost as if he was just there for the ride. I asked my mother (now that I'm an adult) how she felt about his behavior, she says that it would irk her, but she could either pout or take the intiative...she chose the latter. I am at a stage where I am becoming more conscious of the things that I need in a mate. Perfection is not what I want....even if it were attainable. I want someone that will steer me and take an active interest in me as much as I do them. I can't deal with the laid back brothers anymore. Behavior like that is annoying, but if I scroll through all of my exes.....they are all just like that. Non-innovative, non-inspiring, and a bit unimaginative. In my heart of hearts I never really wanted a man like that, but that's the kind of relationships I ended up in. I never consciously sought out guys like that, but when I discovered that that's the way they were I hung around and just dealt with it in the same manner I've seen so many women before me handle it.

I must admit that at this point in my life I wouldn't even know how to respond or what to do if I got into a relationship with someone more assertive and proactive than me. I would probably feel a bit intimidated, but it's what I want. I want someone that can show me something new, make suggestions, give encouragement......hell maybe even some direction. I want a guy that will invite me to interesting workshops, suggest a new restaurant, give me books to read, ask me about world affairs and what I think of certain mutual funds, take me deep sea diving, suggest a doctorate program that may be of interest to me.

I really want someone that will not only take interest in my needs, but act on them. I don't want Mr.Laid Back anymore, I want Mr.Can I make A Suggestion? I realize that I have to be prepared to be the very things I ask for. I can own that and deal. Back to the matter at hand .... I want to send him a card to just to say happy birthday and- hey, I'm glad that you were born and that our paths connected and I still appreciate your life ........but at the same time I do not want to give him the satisfaction of making first communication. That is my alter more immature self. That is the human id. My ego. I have residual feelings lingering and I am not past the disappointment........because believe me, when one invests 4 years of life making a new best friend (and that is truly what I did..hold the tears)..there are certain expectations involved....and I am truly disappointed. Should that stop me from wishing him a happy birthday? Will he confuse this for lingering romantic interest? Will I regret giving him the knowledge that he is still thought of through the cold hard evidence of a birthday card? Feed back is appreciated on this one. Oy vay...I never thought I would be a "relationships that go wrong" journalist.

2003-09-21T19:23:00.000-04:00

I mentioned before that I was attempting to go to the Urban World film festival.........it never happened because of the whole weather situation. I didn't secure tickets out of fear that they would be wasted. So I missed that opportunity. There is this new black independant film showing at the AMC Empire theater on 42nd St. called 30 Years to Life. You can look at the trailer for it on www.thirtyyearstolife.com . The movie looks pretty entertaining. It's about single black America and how they start to evaluate their life once they hit thirty. It's a black romantic comedy poking fun at how marriage hungry women begin to hunt and how marriage phobic men begin to run. Tracy Morgan from Saturday Night Live is in the flick and he's a funny dude. I think I'm gonna check it out......with a gigantic group of girlfriends of course.

I went to an African dance class with my friend this morning. I had a really good time. They had live music (conga drums) and we danced barefoot. It's a pretty good workout. I went with one of my close friends, her other friend and her cousin. Now the other friend that went is a heavyset white girl who is working as a professional nanny. She is really cool...about 25 and she's originally from Idaho.She kinda of looks like the white girl from the Steve Harvey show. She has a really great bubbly personality and I have met her a couple of other times. I even went to her wedding (oh yeah I forgot to mention that she's married to this Kenyan guy). She is not one of those white people that are raised in black american culture.....she is a straight white American suburban girl. Anyway she was open to taking the African dance class and my friend made this long speech about there being so many different alternatives to weight loss and she should not starve herself for her husband and blah blah blah. Sometimes my friend runs her mouth alot. We get to the dance studio and surprisingly there is a room full of old white women. We thought we were in the wrong class. Then we turned and saw the conga drums and realized that all the ladies were in their barefeet. They looked so cute all bundled in their African wraps that they brought from home. I was instructed to bring a wrap with me.....it was cool because I have plenty of them. So we do a little stretch and stuff and then go to put our wraps on. I had some black lycra leggings and a black lycra tank top on already so I pulled out my wrap (one of many that I have purchased from the 116th street African Mart). It's a slight tie-dye of green, navy, royalblue, and yellow with little african symbols all over it. I like it. So I wrap it around my waste and turn around to see what everyone else looks like. My friend had this bright fushia wrap on...cool, the cousin had a nice orange and black wrap...cool, the other girl had some old fleece blanket wrapped around her waist.......not cool. I'm like what the hell?!?! So, I go up to my friend and I said, "Yo, you didn't tell her what a wrap was? Besides the fact that it looks absolutely ridiculous, she's going to get too hot in that." So my friend begins to say something about how she didn't know, but the girl starts to walk over when she's in mid-sentence. Luckily I brought an extra wrap with me...it was a little smaller than the one I was wearing so I told her that I thought she would be too hot in the one she had on and to take mine because I had an extra. So she said thank you and was giving my friend a look for not explaining what a wrap was. Sometimes you just have to break things down. So I put on my extra wrap and the teachers come in, one was a man and one was a woman, and boy are they good at what they do.

I always used to goof off and do African dances (well at least what I thought were African dances), but I learned the real techniques and a bunch of different moves. You know how I feel about dancing so the old ladies were getting a kick out of watching me and my girl put some extra back into it. It was a mini Coming to America up in there. Good stuff. So we shower and change and then go downtown to see if we would be able to get tickets to see Aida......they only had single seating and standing room. I would have been down for either, but I am a bit more flexible on stuff like that. Plus none of them looked like they wanted to stand for 2 1\2 hours or sit apart from one another. I have wanted to see Aida for a while, but now that Toni Braxton is starring, I don't know if I am as interested....I'm a little skeptical I guess. Here's how I look at it: I much rather see Heather Headley on stage than listen to an R&B album by her and I much rather hear Toni Braxton on an R&B album then see her on stage. I just feel like their original genres suit them best. I may be wrong I dunno. After the disappointment (at least theirs) we walked around downtown for a bit and thought about going to the new Jimmy's on the east side. We just had a nice lunch a B.Smith's instead. I really like B.Smith's we got there a little too early for the live music, but it was still nice.

We then pondered if we should go uptown and check out the African American Day parade (my friend seemed apprehensive about overwhelming her friend with too much blackness....but eff that). We all collectively decided not too go after I went over my story from last years parade.....would you like me to share? OK. Last year I went to the parade with my beau and it was cool at first. Food vendors, book stands, clothing stands all through 125th-150th. The NAACP passed by, the Coalition of 100 Black Men, the Coalition of 100 Black Women, a bunch of church groups, congressman, different step groups, majorette squads, Green party, and various black social groups, fraternities, sororities, and the such. Then a float with Doug E. Fresh goes by he's rapping and shouting the crowd out....cool. Then Hot 97 float comes by with Jada Kiss....................okay. He is cursing and has alot of profanity going on.......this is a family event and little kids and grandparents are out there.....but it was cool because the crowd was embracing him....okay. Then some ignant D.J. starts screaming for everybody to meet there float at the end of the parade....oh lawd. The float starts to move again and this mobb of kids starts running by after it. I was standing on the side with other people who had lawn chairs and stuff and when the crowd of funky azzed kids runs by..... I can not even describe what happened to the air. The funk that passed when all those kids ran by (hundreds of kids..and grown people too) was so disgusting. The people that gathered on the sides started to flee to get away from the funk. Pure pandamonium. I nearly droped my mango icee trying to dodge the funk and the crowd. It was crazy. It was a mixture of azz cheeks, dirty diapers, hott breath, fried chicken, hair sheen, acrylic nails, day old funk, timberland leather, and old sex. Dag that was funky. It was enough to make me think twice about going this year. I didn't go...so I guess I'm still traumatized. Either that or I'm just very dramatic...you be the judge. Make sure you check out the website and look at the trailer for the movie. k? k.

2003-09-18T20:22:00.000-04:00

Oh Jyeah! I'm getting tickets to go to the Hampton Vs. Morgan State game at Giants Stadium on September 27. I am looking forward to it. This will be a good time had by all. I like to go to black events where everyone is positive. I have been to a couple of black college football games and I have always had a good time. I'm trying to go at least 5 deep....I hope.

Everytime I see that commercial with the suit chasing the man I laugh. The suit is chasing him so he can get dressed for work and the guy hides under the covers, runs down the hallway, then runs into the kitchen and knocks the suit the hell out with the fridge door. LOL!! I always think of myself. Then I think of that Jill Scott song 'Gotta get up'.....no I don't Jill. I am really not trying to be a part of the machine. I want something different for myself. I am four generations out of slavery. I am the third generation to complete higher education. So why don't we have a family business or something going? My family has a great work ethinc....when it comes to working for someone else. We need a family business, because I hate working for someone else. I need to do my own thing. I do not want to do the daily grind thing unless I am doing it to benefit my family. I am not trying to slave for the rest of my life. When you have perfected your skills at a certain job and there is nothing left for you to learn, when you are being told that you are one of the best employees then it is time for you to go. It only takes a year or two to do that. This whole work for a company thing is really for the birds. I am not a bird, I need more than crumbs. What I need to do is rethink my 5 year plan....good thing I wrote it in pencil.

2003-09-17T15:44:00.000-04:00

THIS YEARS HIP HOP \ R&B SUPERLATIVES
*List subject to change*

The most greased up for a performance: Beyonce and Ashanti are tied

Most weave changes: Mary J. Blige still holds this title, but Christina and Beyonce are right around the corner

Most whorishly dressed: Christina A., but we have not forgotten about you Mariah Carey and Lil' Kim...we haven't forgotten

Most likely to get a breast implant\then a removal\than another implant:
Mary J. Blige

Most exagerrated facial expressions: Busta Rhymes

Best body with worst face: 50 Cent

Most boring interviewer: La La

Most boring interviewee: Fa-bo-lo-us

Most likely to have their mother overly involved in their personal relationships:
Ashanti

Most likely to always have a video of some kind of psuedo party, whether it's at the beach, in a club, or at a house: R. Kelly

Most likely to remain at Bad Boy even though he has no forth coming album: Carl Thomas

Biggest cornball to slip through the cracks: Pharrell......am I hearing boos?!?

Most annoying person to be in a video even though he is not an artist nor a producer: Damon Dash

Worst looking blonde: Eve and Elephant Man tie

Most continually herbed person over the course of one year: Ja Rule

Ugliest teeth: Lil' Jon, Jermaine Dupri, Lil' Wayne, O.D.B. all come in at a tie

Best Press and Curl: Dre from Outkast, Snoop, and Bow Wow come in at a tie

Most annoying person with Lil' in front of their name: Lil' Jon

Dumbest looking shape up: Pharrell............what?!? Look at it.

Cutest rapper over 250 lbs.: Bone Crusher

Person most likely to have story lines and skits in their video: Busta Rhymes and Ashanti....I'll refrain from saying that they are usually boring....even though they are.

Person most likely to prove more and more that she can sing better than she can dance: Beyonce.........stop ice grillin' me!

Person(s) most likely to continue acting even though they clearly lack talent: Eve, Master P, and P. Diddy

Entertainer(s) with worst clothing line: Far too many

Worst overplayed song of the summer: "Shake a Tail Feather" on Bad Boy II soundtrack

Worst dressed clique: Dip set crew

Most talented black man under 28: Justin Timberlake

Most threatened by this: Usher

Person most in need of something more productive to do: Me

2003-09-14T18:06:00.000-04:00

I just had a heated argument with a guy friend. It wasn't an argument about the Pan African movement, pro-choice, morally conscious mutual funds, the black republican movement, real estate investment, or any other intellectually thought provoking topic. It was an argument about Fonsworth Bentley's sexual preference. Not that it even matters, but Mr. bentley is straight- stank you very much. Any time a black man sees another black man that is fashionable, organized, tidy, and doesn't wear timbs and AF1s he immediately files the other black man under gay. I just adore Fonsworth Bentley. I think he has style and class. I am not too thrilled about the fact that he allowed himself to be called a frickin' man servant, but we have all done some things that we're not so proud of. I just like how Mr.Bentley dresses and he's so comical. I am captivated by Mr.Bentley's ability to combine color and texture. 'Ol boy will throw on a pair of chocolate brown slacks, with a colbolt blue shirt and brown pinstriped tie, throw on a tweed driving cap, and seal the deal with some hot pink socks and some Italian espresso leather shoes. HOT DAMN! Things like that make me happy (welcome to my life). That is not GAY that is STYLE. Differentiate people. Besides my sister girlfriend heard him on Hot 97 (yuck) talking about how he is looking for a beautiful woman to share his life with. He said he wants a woman who is smart and funny, carries herself well, and who loves the Lord and will go to church with him every week. Well Amen. I don't think it's hype either. Anyway Mr.Bentley is alright with me.

I find the conversation I had with said male friend ironic because he also likes to dress. He's from Philly. He is an educated, single 25 year old man with a black mink. He also wear 'Jesus is my homeboy' shirts and hats. He stays wearing puma sweat suits and he told me he is about to buy some brown and orange boxing sneakers. He doesn't wear chains, but he loves watches and all of them are bezzled out. Does this make him gay? Hell nah.......I should know. He is messy, very simplistic and he thinks and acts very much like a straight man. He just has a hell of a fashion sense. Besides the truth is: not all straight men have an innate fashion sense. I invested many hours in undergrad watching Ricki lake in my dorm room so I should know. The whole point of this post was to give Mr.Bentley props for being a well dressed straight man. We need more like you Sir Bentley!

2003-09-13T14:41:00.000-04:00

And you know this mannnnn! *said in Chris Tucker voice*

I copped some hottness yesterday to make up for all the items that I didn't get before. Oh Jyeah....and you know this man! I got a tight bright yellow shirt with the words DANCE written across the front in big block silver letters and I also got a low ride denim mini mini skirt that has two buttons and a zip on the side. I plan on wearing it by itself next summer...but until then I will be rocking it over some wide leg dress pants or thin wide leg sweat pants. Why?? Because I gets down like that. This is what I do- and when I do it- I do it like I'm doin' it for T.V... And you know this man! One of my items on the old list popped up! Yes folks I was able to cop the distressed leather duster hat and I do plan on pimpin' that thang like a fake azz Alisha Keys! I only say Alisha Keys because she wears alot of duster hats. I also got a cute little necklace from Macy's...it has a circle medallion that is wood on one side and gold on the other. The wood side (which is the front) has coral stones in the middle....and that's A OK with me! Now if you all didn't know I'm about to tell yah.....silver is big this fall. I saw some silver boots. Woo chile! Kind of like the kind M.J.B wears. They were too cute. Zara's has a pair for about $128....and they don't even have a high heel. We don't play those games. We are not about to pay over a hundred bucks for some pleather boots with no heel. Eh no. What we will do is go down to West 4th or SoHo and look at some real quality Italian boots and see whats really excellent. Oh yes. I also saw this short waisted little silver jacket and this adorable knitted off the shoulder mini dress that is perfect for a black woman's frame. Sickness. The silver jacket is a bit daring (and a bit exspensive), but I think we can pull it off. Yes Yes Yes....I know silver jacket and boots sounds like an old episode of Solid Gold, but you have to believe me when I say I'm know what I'm doing.

I saw this poem and thought that this is something I would like to give to a special someone one day:

I began to see
the we in me
when I stopped fearing
the you in you

Your words were no longer
misunderstood
because I didn't understand them
I learned to learn
your meaning

Your morphed into
A we in me
My me joined your you
to make the we
my me never knew with you

Disagreements meant
no more than
not agreeing
Agreement is not affirmation
nor must affirmation be an agreement
a-me-meant?
We know word play all too well,
to read metaphors literally

The unknown is sometimes knowable
But even when it's not
it's not bad for the not knowing
the we in me knows
not knowing is knowledge too
more obtuse, but also
more profound,
it is faith.

Erica Turnipseed is hot.

2003-09-11T13:56:00.000-04:00

I am a happy person. I promise you. I like to laugh and smile. I try to ignore the daily dumbness. Lately I just feel like I have to choose which struggles I feel like dealing with: being black or being a woman....or maybe even being a black woman. This week it is being black. In one of my classes we were told to read Joseph Conrad's Heart of Darkness. I personally think that it is a literary piece of crap. This Joseph Conrad dude's enthrallment and overplay of the word 'nigger' can tie with director Quentin Tarantino anyday. They are both probably tied in Guiness Book of World Records for the most use of the word 'nigger' in a novel or script. In any event, even though I don't like the book I am prepared to impartially discuss this (piece of trash) book with an open mind......lol. Mind you I am the only Black person in this class. So in an attempt to take the bull by the horns my professor begins to read an exerpt from the book (mind you he found an exerpt with an immeasurable amount of the word nigger). Then when he is finished blaspheming my race he looks dead at me. This dude has balls. My face dispalyed no emotion. I could have been bird watching for the amount of sensibility I displayed. He asks what WE thought still looking directly at ME. The whole class is basically looking at me. Even this big headed obese cat shifts his whole body weight to see my reaction. I'm like WTH??!! * I'm thinking turn your fat azz around!! Do I look like a matinee??* Damn.

So some of the students start talking about how descriptive the author is and what they feel about the tone of the book...blah blah blah. They do not touch on any of the racist overtones in the book what-so-ever (mind you there are only 5 out of 15 or so people that ever even say anything in class-I am one of the five- thx). So finally I say, " The Congo River allows the Europeans access to the center of the continent without having to physically cross it...in other words the white man always remains seperate and on the outside...and the river itself always seems to want to expel them all together with it's force. When they travel up river it is a struggle and very difficult, but when they travel down river it is with ease. It seems as though Africa does not want them at all." So then this white chick says, "Well I don't think one has anything to do with the other. All rivers travel downward....and them getting to the center of the continent without having to cross it physically is more of a geographic thing. Who would rather cross by foot then by water?" Then my black azz says, " Well, this is a Psychoanalytic Culture and Literature class and if we begin to trivialize the symbolic meaning of these writings we would not be threading the culture or the cryptic style of the author's composition." *HUMPH*. Needless to say she shut the hell up. I was SAYING something without SAYING something. I didn't feel like being angry black woman, but I could not sit there and swallow all of the bullish that was going on.

As I progress through my academic and professional career, I begin to see how important it is to begin from a position of arrogance. I am already making a contribution to my discipline by even being a part of it. There will be many people who will seek to undercut my voice, and some may succeed temporarily, but I must continue to assert my position. I'll accept critism, but I will not compromise my thoughts just because someone does not agree with me. F that. No matter who they are or where they're from.

Alright enough of this *two pounds to the chest*

2003-09-10T18:32:00.000-04:00

What to do....what to do. Have you ever had a feeling of inner discomfort? I have been feeling very uncomfortable for the last couple of days. There is something that I think I should do, but I'm holding back. I prayed about it, but the feeling is still here. I'll wait. Yeah...I'll wait to see what His answer will be. Even though you guys don't know what in the world I'm talking about, it felt good to write that out......as inarticulate as it was.

When does a person know that it is time to change their friends? I believe that you can grow out of or into people. I feel like the older I get the more I am growing out of certain friends. Is a person being disinteresting enough of a reason to distance yourself from them? I understand that you can have different friends for different things, but I'm not talking about seasonings and recipes I'm talking about people that affect the quality of my life. I don't know. Maybe I'm thinking on things too hard.

I want to get tickets to the Urban World Film Festival in NYC. There will be panels of directors, actors, and producers like Sam Jackson, Debbie Allen, Spike Lee and many others. They will also be showing short films, documentaries and a couple of new movies that will release within the next year. The one that I want to catch at the festival is a new joint with Sanna Lathan and Denzel Washington. It's a romantic drama....I don't remember the name. The festival will be Sept. 17-21. Good stuff. I went to another one that they had last year it was pretty good I enjoyed myself. The tickets were a bit too high for my blood, but it was good none the less.

The block on lock
The trunk stay locked
The glock on cock
The block stay hot

I'm ready to get that E. Badu CD. The beat to her first single is gutter.

2003-09-05T12:48:00.000-04:00

Could the city of New York think of anything more humiliating than to put all of the public assistance welfair reform workers in bright blue (not even royal blue, but an electric blue) uniforms? These people walk around the city for about $5.65 an hour and sweep the city streets and change garbage cans. Would a black or navy blue uniform not do? Why do they have to look so ostentatious just to pick up trash? It's absurd. Where has the value and order in the universe gone?! Just another underhanded way to try and humiliate some of the poverty stricken citizens. Who walks around wearing electric blue pants???? It is literally impossible to blend electric blue pants with a normal shirt or jacket. I would know becuse I am extremely fashion literate. If you work at McDonalds or a movie theater or wherever you can hide the uniformed top and blend the pants in with your everyday wear. You can not do this if you are working for the city in a welfair reform program and are wearing electric blue pants. It may seem like a trivial detail to all of you, but to me it screams "IF WE HELP YOU GET A JOB WE MUST HUMILIATE YOU IN THE PROCESS WHILE PAYING YOU VERY LITTLE". Later for that. NYC kills me.

I went into a store with every intention on buying items that I drooled over the previous week, but to my dismay none of what I planned on copping was there. This is my favorite pet peeve (oxymoron if you will). I hate to make plans for something that is not yet in my possession and then when I go to claim it....it's simply not there to claim. DOMMIT. What part of the game is that?? I just can't let it go either.....I search I dig....I go to a sister store to see if they may have it...I look on line...I ask friends that live in other cities to see if it may be in their stores. It's just hard for me to relinquish my vision......yes people I have visions... brilliant ones at that (in my humble opinion). I still have not learned my lesson. Even if I have money to purchase the item, sometimes I will hold out (I'm an indecisive Libra what can I say). Let me tell you what I went to the store for: one tight fitting maroon soccer jacket, a silk stripped halter top, a distressed leather hat in espresso brown (sick), a four piece comic plate set from Pottery Barn. I need those things! You don't understand....having them will make me a better person! I will be able to jump higher, run faster, everyone will love me if i can just have the precious................okay that was a really strange moment right there. It's okay though...I will have new visions and opportunities to acquire new things that will instantly plummet in value as soon as I walk out of the store. If you all could shed just one tear for my loss that would be greatly appreciated. k...tanks.

2003-09-04T06:02:00.000-04:00

Errrrrrrrr......anyone notice anything different (I aim to please- what can i say)? I am part of a devotional email group and there are four of us who rotate every week and send out spiritually centered emails. I type my devotionals up in all CAPS. I really like how CAPS look it also makes life easier for me. I send out the devotional to my madre's email and she complains that it feels like I'm screaming at her through the type.........this shouldn't bother her since I scream at her in real life...hee hee. I told her that not everyone feels the same way about the CAPS. Obviously I was wrong. You guys are some complaining azz folk. Soon I'll be receiving emails about my veggie cursing.....if it's not one thing it's another. I tried to type a court report in all CAPS and give it to the judge....my boss wouldn't let me (by the way..isn't that such a derogatory term: BOSS....nobody bosses me around so i should really stop using that term).

So, I have been practicing my dance technique. Even though I hate the name 'chicken head' and doing that dance makes me feel like I am admitting to being one in some way.....I have mastered it. When I look at myself in the mirror I be like DAMN GYRL....YOU TwErKiN' that thang. I kick it...y'all just don't know. I am ashamed to admit that it took me far too long to master the 'c-walk'. I was not catching on to the fact that the upper body must be stiff while your lower body (mostly feet) do all the work....I was putting a bit too much neck and hip into it. Now i have it locked down so come see me if you want some of this. I got the 'so fresh so clean' down...you know the dance where it looks like you're brushing yourself off. Theres a new dance every other week. Things get played quickly, especially the Jamaican dances.....I can't keep up with all that stuff. If I'm showed then I can do it. I would love to get on the Wade Robinson show man. I am way better than most of those clowns. Shiiiiii...I'm better than Wade. The only thing is...... I would want to skip the choreographed part. I am not good at direction (AND 1-AND 2-AND 3 doesn't really work for me). Plus I have an awful memory....I don't retain information that well....it kinda needs to be drilled into my itsy bitsy shark brain. If you put me on a stage to freestyle I will mop the floor with most anybody.....I'm a grown woman and I still can freak it like i'm 16 or something. I love to dance with guys from the south because they really dance. They don't just try to do some two step and dry hump your buttocks (I mean I'm sure they do...but they know how to dance if need be). Every time I have danced with a guy from the south they really hold it down. They can pop and all that....I love that. I love a guy that can dance. My cousin Adam can dance well too. He's about 22 now. We always danced by the pool at family BBQ's and Christmas and stuff. He's in ATL now :(. My family loves to watch me dance at holiday gatherings. They just gather round me and................okay enough already. I guess you guys get the point. One time this white girl from the neighborhood came up to me and told me that my brother taught her how to dance. I nearly fell out. My brother can not dance a lick. He has two left feet (he can do that thing where you jump over one leg...but that has nothing to do with beat). When the chick told me all I thought was- the blind leading the blind. Carlton does a better job then my brother. Too bad this talent is so waisted.

Am I the only one that thinks that Pharrell looks like an overgrown ant? He has a big ant face. Moving on...................What is this new trend with all these mummbled mouth guys? Like Puffy and 50......why don't they speak clearly? What are they saying? Always mummbling something in an interview. Huh? Wah? Speak the hellz up. As Jaime Fox says, "they got juicy mouth". All those juices they have in their mouths are swirling around. *Pulling myself back into my chair after falling out of it laughing*

There are a ton of these mummbled mouth\ juicy mouth cats out there. Mick Jagger and Prince Charles have a case of the mummble mouth too. If you can think of anyone else please let me know. Others that I have thought of have escaped me ...............you know memory thing. Okay I have to go to traffic court in PA with my friend.....long drive...longer story. Ciao-

2003-09-02T11:36:00.000-04:00

MY BLOG SPOT IS A MESS. AS YOU CAN SEE. THIS FORMAT IS TOSSED. YOU HAVE TO KEEP SCROLLING BACK AND FORTH TO FINISH READING SENTENCES. IT'S ENOUGH TO TURN ANYBODY OFF (AND LET'S NOT EVEN GET INTO READING IN ALL CAPS...LOL). BARE WITH ME K?? PLEASE DON'T RUNAWAY AND NOT READ ANYMORE K?? I WUV WOOOO!!!!

THIS WEAKEND (MISPELL ON PURPOSE) WAS DUMB BORING. I DID END UP HAVING DINNER WITH MY FAMILY. MY UNCLE CAME OVER FROM CALI AND ANNOUNCED HIS NEW ENGAGEMENT TO HIS FIANCE'........LET'S NOT PULL OUT THE CONFETTI TOO QUICK PEOPLE. I DON'T KNOW. IN A WAY I AM KIND OF WONDERING WHAT SHE SEES IN HIM. IS THAT SUCH A WRONG THING TO THINK? Y'ALL DON'T EVEN KNOW THIS CAT. HE HAS CHANGED A BIT....AND I MUST ADMIT THIS LAST VISIT WAS NOT NEARLY AS MISERABLE AS OTHER VISITS HE HAS HAD IN THE PAST. HE'S JUST ONE OF THOSE KINDS OF PEOPLE YOU JUST DON'T LIKE TO BE AROUND FOR TOO LONG BECAUSE HE ALWAYS SAYS UNDERHANDED CUTTING THINGS. IS THE TERM I'M LOOKING FOR PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE?? I'M NOT A PSYCH SPECIALIST SO I DON'T KNOW. HE'S THE TYPE OF DUDE THAT SAYS ALOT OF INAPPROPRIATE THINGS AND TRIES TO PASS IT OFF AS A JOKE OR LIKE HE WASN'T TRYING TO OFFEND YOU. HE IS ALSO THE KIND OF CAT THAT WILL TALK A WHOLE IN YOUR HEAD, BUT THEN WHEN YOU WOULD LIKE TO ADD TO THE CONVERSATION HE INSTANTANIOUSLY GETS BORED AND WANTS TO END THE DISCUSSION OR CHANGE THE SUBJECT.....ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE A WOMAN. THIS DOESN'T ROCK TOO WELL WITH ME...OR MY MOM FOR THAT MATTER. AFTER ALL I AM MY MOTHER'S CHILD. THEY ARE SIBLINGS SO SHE HAS HAD TO DEAL WITH THIS CHARACTER FLAW HER WHOLE LIFE. HE'S A DOCTOR (SURGEON TO BE EXACT), BUT IF YOU SPOKE TO HIM YOU'D THINK HE WORKED IN THE SUPREME COURT BECAUSE HE LOVES TO JUDGE PEOPLE. AM I JUDGING HIM BY EVEN SAYING THAT? (YES YOU SAY?....SHUT UP..MIND YOUR BUSINESS..WHO ASKED YOU).

WELL HIS FIANCE LOOKS JUST LIKE TAMIA AND THE CHICK HE DEALT WITH BEFORE (WHO HE HAD A CHILD WITH) LOOKS LIKE TYRA BANKS. THEY ARE BOTH SWEET WOMEN AND I LIKED THEM BOTH IMMEDIATELY. AT THE SAME TIME I THINK, WHAT KIND OF WOMEN ARE THEY TO DEAL WITH A CLOWN LIKE HIM. OF COURSE I'M NOT GOING TO ASKS THEM THAT BECAUSE I WOULD BE BEING DISLOYAL TO MY FAMILY. I JUST CAN'T FIGURE OUT FOR THE LIFE OF ME WHAT THEY SEE IN HIM. EH............. I WON'T BOTHER CONCERNING MYSELF WITH IT.

IN OTHER NEWS...............THE MEDIA SAYS THAT TWEED IS IN THIS FALL. HASN'T IT ALWAYS BEEN IN DURING THE FALL? THEY ACT LIKE THE WORLD JUST DISCOVERED TWEED OR SOMETHING. THE ONE NEW THING THAT IS HAPPENING IS THAT THERE ARE MANY DIFFERENT COLORS BEING PLAYED WITH.....SO YOU CAN COP A PAIR OF RED OR ORANGE TWEED PANTS THROW ON SOME HEELS AND WORK IT OUT. I KNOW, I KNOW.....RED TWEED PANTS DO SOUND SCARY, BUT WEAR IT WITH OTHER MUTED COLORS SO YOU ARE NOT LOOKING TOO ABSURD. TRUST ME ON THIS.

I GOT MY HAIR CUT. IT'S NOW A KIND OF BLUNT CUT HITTING THE MIDDLE OF MY NECK. JET BLACK. I'M A FOX. NO REALLY I AM....MY LAST NAME IS FOX. FYI......KINKY HAIR CAN NOT BE CUT WET THEN BE EXPECTED TO LOOK EVEN ONCE BLOWN OUT. KINKY HIAR MUST BE CUT DRY. THOUGHT YOU'D WANT TO KNOW THAT IF YOU EVER TRIED CAUSE I WAS LOOKING LIKE EDWARD SCISSOR HANDS DID A NUMBER ON ME. MY HAIRDRESSER HAD TO CUT IT AGAIN AFTER IT WAS DRY TO GET IT EVEN.

LET ME LEAVE THE MEN WITH THIS THOUGHT......... GET A CLUE AND UNDERSTAND THAT JUST BECAUSE I WOMAN WANTS YOU TO HOLD HER OR BE AFFECTIONATE DOES NOT MEAN SHE WANTS TO HAVE SEX. MARRIED OR NOT. IT IS SO FREAKING ANNOYING. SOMETIMES A WOMAN JUST NEEDS TO BE HELD OR WANTS YOU TO CUDDLE, RUB HER BACK, RUB HER BUTT OR WHATEVER. GET PAST THE ANIMAL ANGST OF WANTING TO RIP HER CLOTHES OFF AND JUST KEEP IT LIGHT. DON'T RUIN THE MOMENT BY BEING SELFISH. YOU BUTTHEADS!!.................I JUST SAW SOMETHING ONLINE THAT INSPIRED ME TO WRITE THAT (IN ADDITION TO EXPERIENCING THAT ANNOYANCE FIRST HAND). EVERY PHYSICAL MOMENT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SEXUAL MOMENT. IF THE PERCENTAGE THAT YOU ARE BEING PHYSICALLY SEXUAL OUTWEIGHS THE AMOUNT OF TIME THAT YOU ARE BEING PHYSICALLY AFFECTIONATE THEN THERE IS A SERIOUS PROBLEM. IT'S ALMOST LIKE SPANKING A CHILD MORE THAN YOU HUG THEM. GET YOUR MIND RIGHT.

2003-08-31T13:38:00.000-04:00

ON FRIDAY I WAS WALKING FROM RUTGERS-NEWARK BACK TO THE PATH AND THIS KID (MUST HAVE BEEN 15......17 TOPS) TRIED TO RAP TO ME. NO ONE GETS RAP FROM ME. I KEEP IT MOVIN'. THIS SNOT NOSE KID GOT INDIGNANT......MAYBE INDIGNANT ISN'T THE CORRECT WORD......I'M REALLY LOOKING FOR SAVAGE OR UNCOUTH. IF AN INDIVIDUAL MAKES AN ATTEMPT TO SPEAK TO SOMEONE AND THE OTHER PARTY DOES NOT RESPOND IT'S BEST TO GO ON ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS. ESPECIALLY IF THE PERSON IS OF A HIGHER CALIBER IN LIFE. TAKING A LOOK AT HIM I WOULDN'T BE INTERESTED EVEN IF I WAS AN ORDINARY LITTLE WENCH. I'M OLD ENOUGH TO BE HIS BIG SISTER OR AUNTY AND IT'S NOT LIKE HE WAS LOOKING LIKE BOW WOW OR ANY OTHER ATTRACTIVE UNDERAGED KID TO BEGIN WITH. I WANTED TO EXPRESS ALL THOSE THINGS TO HIM, BUT THEN I WOULD'VE BEEN BREAKING MY #1 RULE BY ENTERTAINING THESE RANDOM CORNBALLS. THAT'S ALL THEY REALLY WANT TO BEGIN WITH......ATTENTION. THAT'S DEAD. SO I WAS DOING MY BEST TO ADHERE TO MY RULE OF DISDAIN AND THE CORNBALL HAS THE NERVE TO SAY....AND I QUOTE, " GO TO HELL THEN...I JUST WANTED TO FUCK ANYWAY!!". WHAAAAAAAAT!!

I COULD NOT BELEIVE MY EARS. I FELT SO OFFENDED. STRAIGHT DISGUSTED. I KNOW THAT SOCIETY HAS CHANGED DRASTICALLY, BUT I REFUSE TO BE DESENSITIZED AND ACCEPT SUCH DISRESPECT JUST BECAUSE ALL THESE OTHER UNCULTURED AND POORLY BRED WOMAN HAVE ALLOWED MEN TO DO IT. SO I HAD TO BREAK MY #1 RULE AND LET THAT LITTLE JERK HAVE IT. I TOOK HIM TO CHURCH RIGHT THERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET. I HUMILIATED HIM ON EVERY LEVEL BY BASICALLY TELLING HIM THAT HE SHOULD HAVE SEX WITH ANIMALS SINCE HIS BEHAVIOR IS NO BETTER THAN A PIG. I ALSO TOLD HIM THAT THE ONLY REAL MEN ARE SELF RESPECTING MEN SO HE HAS THE BRAIN OF A PIG AND AN APE FOR TALKING TO ANY HUMAN BEING LIKE THAT. I LET HIM KNOW THAT HIS BEHAVIOR WAS, "TACKY, UNBECOMING AND VULGAR AND I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO COME OVER THERE AND SMACK YOU DEAD IN YOUR MOUTH LIKE YOUR MOTHER SHOULD HAVE BEEN DOING TO BEGIN WITH". HE WASN'T SAYING ANYTHING. HE DID WALK AWAY THOUGH. HE DIDN'T EVEN CHALLENGE ME. I GUESS HE REALIZED THAT MY YOUNG LOOKS WERE DECEIVING AND HE WAS TALKING TO A FULL GROWN WOMAN THAT ISN'T HAVING IT. I DIDN'T CURSE AT HIM ONCE. NOT ONCE. IF YOU BEGIN TO CUSRE THEY THINK YOU'RE ON THEIR LEVEL. I'M CERTAINLY NOT. AFTER I DROPPED ENGLISH HE SCURRIED OFF LIKE A SEWER RAT.

I DON'T LIKE GETTING INTO IT WITH THESE HOOD PIGS, BUT I COULD NOT HELP MYSELF. THERE IS TOO MUCH DISRESPECT NOWADAYS. IT'S BECOMING TOO MUCH LIKE SECOND NATURE AND I REFUSE TO BE DESENSITIZED BY IT. I AM NOT GOING TO PRETEND LIKE I DON'T HEAR BLATANT DISRESPECT ESPECIALLY FROM MY OWN MEN. I DESERVE THE RESPECT - GIVE ME THE RESPECT. IF YOU SEE ME WALKING WITH MY HEAD HELD HIGH LIKE THE QUEEN I AM AND WANT TO WALTZ UP WITH SOME WEAK GAME THEN YOU GET DISMISSED DON'T GET NASTY WITH ME. BE MAD AT YOURSLF FOR HAVING A TIRED SUB PAR PERSONALITY TO BEGIN WITH. WHY WOULD I WANT TO HOLD A CONVERSATION WITH SOMEONE THAT DOESN'T RESPECT THEMSELVES. IF YOU LOOK ME UP AND DOWN AND ICE GRILL MY BUTT AND MY THIGHS TALKING ABOUT "HI HOW YOU DOING...CAN WE TALK?" WHY WOULD I WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY BACKSIDE AND THIGHS SINCE THAT'S ALL YOU'RE INTERESTED IN. ARE YOU A TAILOR...A PERSONAL TRAINER...ARE YOU A PLASTIC SURGEON? IF YOU ARE SAVE IT FOR THE OFFICE, BUT YOUR NOT.. SO STEP. ONLY CLUCKING AVERAGE PIGEON HEADS STOP TO HOLD CONVERSATIONS WITH RANDOM DUDES. I AM NOT SOME HOOD RAT. IF YOU SEE ME IN THE HOOD IT DOESN'T MEAN I RESIDE IN THE SEWERS. HOOD IS A MENATILITY NOT A LOCATION. I HAVE AN AGENDA THAT DOES NOT INCLUDE PIG CATCHING. SAVE ALL THE BARNYARD BULL ISH. YOU'LL NEVER SEE ME THERE. THESE DUMB BLACK MEN (AND WOMEN) WANT ME TO CORROBORATE WITH THEM ON THEIR MISSION TO BRING THE RACE DOWN. NO DEAL. I REFUSE TO PARTICIPATE....BUT I'M SURE THEY WILL FIND SOME MISEDUCATED SOUL TO HELP.

2003-08-28T11:41:00.000-04:00

ONE WOULD THINK I TAKE A HAND FULL OF ECSTACY BEFORE I POST....RUN ON SENTENCES OUT THE AZZ....NO PUNCTUATION....LACK OF CONTINUOUS THOUGHT AND I'M ALWAYS DOING THIS (.................). I THINK I ABUSE THIS (...............). I TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT. IT'S NOT LIKE I'M TRYING TO PERFECT MY WRITING SKILLS ON THIS THING. I'M REALLY TRYING TO PERFECT MY SANITY...I MAY BE FAILING.

I COULD NOT BELIEVE THAT WHEN I STEPPED ON MY BATHROOM SCALE IT SAID I AM 5 POUNDS LIGHTER THEN WHAT I WAS LAST MONTH. DOMMIT. NONE OF MY CLOTHES ARE FITTING CORRECTLY. I LIKE TO COOK WHEN I HAVE THE RIGHT INGREDIENTS, BUT THAT IS A RARE OCCASSION. I'VE BEEN EATING LESS LATELY, NOT BY CHOICE REALLY. LACK OF ENERGY AND TIME. IT'S MESSING MY WEIGHT UP. I DON'T LIKE TO GET FAST FOOD ANYMORE. ESPECIALLY MCDONALDS. THEY PUT CRACK IN MCDONALDS. I AM SURE OF IT. ONCE YOU START EATING IT, IT'S SO HARD TO STOP......PEOPLE BEGIN TO SALIVATE FROM THE MERE SMELL OF IT. WHEN YOU TRY TO STOP YOU CRAVE IT. IT'S A TRAP. I HAVE BEEN CLEAN FOR ABOUT 6 MONTHS (NAH THAT ISN'T TRUE..I HAD A RELAPSE LAST MONTH). BACK TO THE WEIGHT LOSE THOUGH, A LOT OF BLACK WOMEN DO NOT HAVE THE SAME KIND OF WIEGHT ISSUES THAT SOME OTHER ETHNIC GROUPS DO. WE GENERALLY LIKE TO BE THICK. THE ONLY THING WE DON'T WANT IS THE GUT, BUT EVERYTHING ELSE IS GOOD TO GO. NOBODY TALKS ABOUT THE OTHER SIDE OF WEIGHT ISSUES. WHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL MY CELLMATE....ERRR I MEAN ROOMMATE WAS SHOVELING FOOD DOWN TRYING TO GET THICKER. SHE WOULD TELL ME ALL THE TIME THAT SHE WANTED TO BE MORE CURVY. SHE DIDN'T REALLY UNDERSTAND THAT WHEN A PERSON GAINS WEIGHT THEY GAIN IT EVERYWHERE. SO UNLESS YOU WORK OUT TO BALANCE THE FAT AND MUSCLE YOU ARE GOING TO LOOK SLOPPY INSTEAD OF CURVY. SHE WASN'T THE ONLY ONE......ALL OF US WANTED TO KEEP A FAT.....ERRR I MEAN PHATT AZZ. THAT'S WHAT BLACK WOMEN DO OVER EAT TO KEEP THAT PHAT (PLENTY HOTT AND TEMPTING) AZZ. NOBODY TALKS ABOUT THAT THOUGH. ANYWAY I HAVE TO START OVER EATING A BIT MORE SO I CAN KEEP MY ISH NICE AND JUICY...LOL.

I SAW ASHANTI'S (I COULD DO NUMEROUS WORD PLAYS ON HER NAME, BUT I'M TRYING MY BEST TO REFRAIN) NEW VIDEO. LORENZ TATE IS BACK! HE IS A LITTLE GUY, BUT HE CAN STILL GET IT! SOMETHING ABOUT THOSE LIPS AND BED ROOM EYES. HE IS NOT EVEN MY NORMAL PHYSICAL TYPE. I TEND TO LIKE THEM LONG AND LANKY WITH LITTLE MUSCLE AND PHYSICAL STRENGTH. I'M KIND OF LITTLE MYSELF SO I THINK A SLIM MATCH FITS ME BEST. LATELY THOUGH I FIND MYSELF BEING VISUALLY TANTALIZED BY THE BIGGER DUDES. PLEASE REFER TO BLAIR UNDERWOOD, L.L (WITH HIS CORNY SELF), WILL SMITH (WITH HIS CORNY SELF) TANK AND I'D LIKE TO PASS ON 50 CENT.....THAT FACE...UGGGH, YUCK. ALOT OF THESE CATS ARE WORKING OUT. WHAT'S REALLY EXCELLENT FELLAS??!! I GUESS THE MEN (WELL AT LEAST SOME) ARE BEGINNING TO RECOGNIZE.

I AM GETTING SO TIRED OF THESE FROG LOOKING MEN TALKING ABOUT "I WANT A GIRL THAT LOOKS LIKE_________ (FILL IN THE NAME OF ANY MEDIA BEAUTY)" MEANWHILE THEY ARE LOOKING LIKE THEY GOT HIT BY A THOUSAND UGLY STICKS. FUGG OUTTA HERE! THEIR TEETH ALL FUGGED UP, SHOES SCUFFED, HAIR MATTED, PIMPLED UP, AND JUST OUT THEIR EVER LOVIN' MIND FOR MAKING ANY TYPE OF PHYSICAL REQUESTS. SHUT THE FUGG UP WITH ALL THAT BULLISH AND GET REACQUAINTED WITH THE MIRROR AND REALITY. THAT'S ONE REASON I'M GLAD THAT BABS FROM MTB II IS UP IN THE GAME. SHE IS ONE OF THE FEW....UH....HOW SHALL I SAY THIS DELICATELY....DON'T KNOW HOW. SHE IS ONE OF THE LEAST ATTRACTIVE WOMEN I HAVE SEEN IN THE HIP HOP INDUSTRY IN A WHILE AND SHE SHOULD HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO TALK ABOUT HOW SHE WANTS HER SHORTY TO LOOK EVEN IF SHE LOOKS LIKE A BAT OUTTA HELL. DO YOU BABS, DO YOU.

I DON'T WANT TO GET LENGTHY, BUT I DID WANT TO MENTION THIS....IN THAT FRONTIN' VIDEO, THE LIGHTER OF THE TWO WOMEN WHO RING THE DOOR BELL IN THE BEGINNING OF THE VIDEO....I THOUGHT SHE WAS SPANISH AND MY FRIEND SAID SHE WAS BLACK (NOT THAT EITHER ONE OF US WOULD KNOW). THIS MADE ME THINK. WHAT IS BLACK ANYMORE? IS IT A CULTURE, AN ETHNICITY, A STATE OF MIND, A STYLE...........WHAT THE HELL IS IT? IT SURE HAS NOTHING TO DO WIH SKIN. I HAVE SEEN PEOPLE WHO CLAIM 100% BLACKNESS AND DON'T EVEN PLAY INTO THE WHOLE TIGGER WOODS "I'M 1\4 INDIAN 1\4 CHINEESE 1\4 GERMAN AND 1\4 POT LUCK". I EVEN SAW THIS MONTELL WILLIAMS SHOW YEARS AGO ENTITLED "I DON'T LOOK LIKE MY RACE" WITH THESE LILLY WHITE PEOPLE SAYING THEY WERE 100% BLACK (WHATEVER 100% IS). ANYWAY I KNOW I LOOK LIKE A WATERED DOWN AFRICAN AND MANY NATIVE AFRICANS DO NOT CONSIDER AMERICAN BLACKS AS "THEIR PEOPLE". I AM PROUD BECAUSE WE ARE ONE OF THE FEW RACES THAT CAN LOOK WHITE, ASIAN, INDIAN, ECT...AND STILL CLAIM 100% BLACKNESS....WHATEVER THAT IS. THIS GUY TRIED TO PULL ME INTO A DISCUSSION ABOUT RACE BEING AN IMAGINARY TERM WITH NO REAL MEANING........WHICH IS A WHOLE OTHER STORY IN AND OF ITSELF. THE TRUTH IS, ANYONE CAN BE BLACK, BUT IT IS SO HARD TO SNEEK INTO OTHER RACES. A WHITE CHICK CAN SOONER PASS AS BLACK THAN I CAN AS WHITE....WHICH IS SO UNFAIR. NOT THAT I WANT TO BE WHITE, BUT IT IS AN UNEQUALLY YOKED SET UP. WHAT PART OF THE GAME IS THAT?! EMINEM COULD BE A BLACK MAN IF HE REALLY WANTED TO. MAKE UP SOME HISTORY, GET SOME BRAIDS AND HE'D BE GOOD TO GO. THAT'S HOW DAMN WIDE OUR SPECTRUM IS. ISN'T THAT SOME ISH????

2003-08-26T01:54:00.000-04:00

I'VE BEEN PEEKING AT SOME SITES AND I HAVE TO HAND IT TO SOME OF Y'ALL........YOU GUYS ARE DEDICATED. SOME PEOPLE POST EVERYDAY ......ALRIGHTY THEN. I READ A BUNCH OF STUFF THAT MAKES ME LAUGH AND MY LAUGHING TRIGGERS A THOUGHT IN MY HEAD WHICH INSPIRES ME TO POST .....BUT THEN BY THE TIME I GET HERE I'M ALL LAZY AND ISH....PLUS I FORGET WHAT WAS SO FUNNY IN THE FIRST PLACE THAT INSPIRED ME TO COME AND POST............UH YEAH.....*TAPPING MY FINGERS*

OH OH YES............NOW I REMEMBER...I READ A POST AND SOMEONE MENTIONED HOW OUTRAGEOUS CANDY AND STUFF IS AT THE MOVIE THEATER (DOES ANYBODY ELSE FORGET HOW TO SPELL THEATER OR IS THAT JUST ME....AS I TYPE THIS I STILL DON'T KNOW IF I SPELLED IT RIGHT...EH). WHENEVER I WOULD GO TO THE MOVIES WITH MY (EX) KISS PARTNER (THAT'S CUTE RIGHT...NOT REALLY I GUESS) WE WOULD ALWAYS SNEEK FOOD IN FROM CHICK-FIL-A.....IF YOU HAVE NEVER HAD CHICK-FIL-A THEN YOU HAVE NEVER KNOWN TRUE JOY. WE'D KNOW WE WERE GOING TO THE MOVIES BUT WE DIDN'T PLAN AHEAD FOR THE MISSSION. I WOULD STILL WEAR SOME TIGHT FITTING JACKET OR SHIRT AND A LITTLE TEENY TINY PURSE. THEN WE WOULD FIGHT OVER WHO'D HIDE THE BIGGEST AND MOST AWKWARD THING IN THE SMALL OF OUR BACK OR ON OUR SIDE (STOP TRYING TO ACT LIKE YOU'VE NEVER DONE IT). I THINK WE SECRETLY GOT JOY OUT OF WALKING PAST THE MOVIE USHERS WITH TUMORS IN THE SAME SHAPE OF CHICKEN SANDWICHES AND SODA BOTTTLES. WHAT JOY. THEN WE WOULD FILL THE MOVIE THEATER WITH THE SMELL OF WAFFLE FRIES AND CHICKEN (THAT OVER POWERS POPCORN ANYDAY). ONE TIME I ACTUALLY HAD AN OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE IN WHICH I FLOATED OUT AND LOOKED DOWN UPON ME AND MY BOYFRIEND CHOWING DOWN WITH ALL OUR FOOD LAID OUT IN FRONT OF US..THROWN KETCHUP PACKETS SCATTERED AROUND LIKE RONALD MCDONLD AND WENDY JUST HAD A BRAWL TO THE DEATH... THE SMELL OF FRESHLY FRIED CHICKEN BREAST HOVERING ALL AROUND. WE LOOKED COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS. LIKE WE HAD NO KIND OF HOMETRAINING AT ALL.........BUT BLACK PEOPLE (LIKE ME) NEED CHICKEN. WHEN CHICKEN IS IN THE EQUATION THERE IS NO DECENCY. ANYWAY, BECAUSE OF THAT OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE I FELT GREALTY EMBARRASSED AND IMMEDIATELY STOPPED. I THINK IT WAS LIKE AN 'ADAM AND EVE NAKED IN THE GARDEN' TYPE OF EMBARRASSMENT....LUCKILY SOON AFTER THE MAGIC JOHNSON THEATER OPENED........AND HOT DIGGIDY DOGG.....THEY SELL CHICKEN...AND FRIES...AND OTHER OUTRAGEOUS THINGS THAT YOU DON'T SEE BEING SOLD AT ANY OTHER KIND OF FRANCHISED THEATER. HE'S A REAL BUSINESS MAN...SELL CHICKEN TO THE BLACKS DOMMIT. SELL CHICKEN TO THE BLACKS (THAT WAS A REITERATION FOR EMPHASIS). THAT'S HOW YOU'LL MAKE YOUR MONEY. ALTHOUGH NOT ALL OF US LIKE CHICKEN...............AND EVEN I MUST ADMIT THAT A STADIUM SIZED ROOM FILLED WITH THE AROMA OF CHICKEN CAN BE NAUSIATING. PLUS HE DOESN'T SELL CHICKEN BREAST SANDWICHES...JUST FRIED CHICKEN....AND I AM NOT A HUGE FRIED CHICKEN FAN.......SO WHAT AM I REALLY REJOICING FOR? NOTHING I GUESS. I GUESS I AM JUST HAPPY FOR PEOPLE THAT DO LIKE FRIED CHICKEN. NOW THEY DON'T HAVE TO SMUGGLE CHICKEN AND STUFF UP IN THE THEATER. THEY CAN JUST BUY IT RIGHT THERE AND IT WILL STILL BE HOT. IT'S A GOOD THING.

I HAVE TO GET THIS OFF OF MY CHEST. I HAD A SERIOUS DISAGREEMENT WITH SOMEONE.....THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS. I WAS VERY OFFENDED. I TOLD MY MALE FRIEND THAT I DO NOT TOSS MY SOCKS IN THE HAMPER AFTER JUST ONE WEAR. I SAID THAT UNLESS I HAVE WORKED OUT OR DONE SOME KIND OF STRENUOUS WORK WHICH ACTUALLY CAUSED MY FEET TO SWEAT (WHICH HARLDY EVER HAPPENS...CAUSE I DON'T WEAR SOCKS FOR THAT.....HA HA :P...... BY THE WAY ISN'T IT A HUGE TURN OFF FOR A MAN TO BE WEARING SOCKS AND NOTHING ELSE...IT LOOKS ABSURD) THEN I'LL TOSS THEM IN THE LAUNDRY. I DON'T STOMP AROUND THE HOUSE AND WEAR MY SOCKS LIKE THEY ARE SLIPPERS AND MY SHOES AREN'T DUSTY INSIDE.....SO WHATS THE PROBLEM? WHY DO I HAVE TO WASH THEM AFTER ONE WEAR? I MUST GET TWO WEARS THEN THEY'LL BE THROWN IN THE WASH (AND NO I DON'T DO THE SAME THING WITH MY DRAWS SMART AZZ). THAT'S A STAPLE OF MINE...STRICTLY PRINCIPLE. AM I SO WRONG?? HERE COMES THE TWIST... A WOMAN CAN DO THAT, BUT A MAN CAN NOT....MEN HAVE TO WASH THEIR SOCKS AFTER ONE WEAR. MEN HAVE BIGGER FEET AND MOST OF THE TIME THOSE HOOVES ARE SWEATING. MY FRIEND COULD NOT UNDERSTAND THAT....HE STARTED TO PROJECT- HE THOUGHT JUST BECAUSE HIS FEET SWEAT WITHIN 1.5 SECONDS OF HAVING THE SOCKS ON THAT EVERYONE ELSE GOES THROUGH THE SAME THING. THAT TURNED INTO A WHOLE OTHER CONVERSATION....HE DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO BELIEVE THAT SOME PEOPLE DON'T HAVE DOOKY REMNANTS AFTER TAKING A #2.............I'VE WIPED AND I PROMISE YOU ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION MY JOINT HAS BEEN CLEAN AS A WHISTLE EVEN AFTER A #2.....BUT THAT'S NEITHER HERE NOR THERE.....LET'S STAY FOCUSED UP IN THIS BITCH. THE POINT IS THAT MOST WOMAN DO NOT WASH THEIR SOCKS AFTER ONE WEAR....NOT EVEN OPRAH. NO NEGATIVE FEEDBACK PLEASE....IF YOU DON'T AGREE WITH ME I DON'T WANT TO KNOW YOUR OPINION.

2003-08-24T14:10:00.000-04:00

IF I GET ONE MORE EMAIL PERTAINING TO VIAGRA OR PENIS ENLARGEMENT I'M GONNA......................................DO NOTHING. *SIGH* I'M SAYING THOUGH...I CAN DEAL WITH ONE A DAY, BUT ARE TWENTY REALLY NECESSARY?! I GET THE PICTURE.

I WANT TO TALK ABOUT SOMETHING A BIT MORE....DEEP. I DON'T WANT THIS TO BE A "MESSAGE" SITE. I'M NOT INTO AFTER SCHOOL SPECIALS, BUT I FIGURED EVERYONE NEEDS ENLIGHTENMENT EVERY NOW AND THEN.....WHAT I POST MAY ACTUALLY....I DON'T KNOW....HELP SOMONE. WOW...I THINK THAT WAS A MOMENT RIGHT THERE.

I WAS HAVING A GREAT CONVERSATION WITH A FRIEND AND IT REALLY PUT JOY IN MY HEART. I LITERALLY FELT RENEWED AFTER THE CONVERSATION. IT IS TRUE HOW ONE'S WHOLE WORLD BEGINS TO CHANGE ONCE AWARENESS IS GAINED. I MEAN AM 25 AND I'M JUST SO GLAD THAT I AM DISCOVERING THINGS NOW INSTEAD OF YEARS AND YEARS DOWN THE LINE. I LOOK ABOUT 18 SO WHEN PEOPLE DISCOVER MY AGE THEY GIVE ME A LOOK OF SURPRISE THEN PITY AS IF MY LIFE IS ALMOST OVER.........I FEEL THAT IT IS REALLY JUST BEGINNING. SO MIDDLE FINGER TO THEM. I DEPRECATE (DON'T CONFUSE THAT WITH DEFECATE) MYSELF WITH FEELINGS OF SELF DOUBT AND IMMATURITY BECAUSE I FEEL SO YOUNG AND AM STILL INTO ALOT OF THE SAME THINGS THAT I LIKED TO DO WHEN I WAS 18........MY MENTALITY IS DIFFERENT SO I MUST GIVE MYSELF SOME POINTS FOR THAT...............WHAT AM I REALLY TALKING ABOUT ANYWAY?................OH YES, THAT'S RIGHT, MEDIOCRITY.

SO I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A MEDIOCRE KIND OF PERSON....NOT BECAUSE I WAS NOT CAPABLE OF BEING MORE, BUT REALLY BECAUSE I ALWAYS SAW SOMEONE DOING IT BETTER WITH MORE INNATE SKILL. SO I LET THEM HAVE IT....I'VE NEVER BEEN COMPETITIVE.......MATTER OF FACT I SHY AWAY FROM COMPETITION. NEVER SAW THE SENSE BECAUSE SOMEONE WOULD ALWAYS BE BETTER OR EVEN IF THEY WEREN'T NECESSARILY BETTER THEY WOULD HAVE MORE EFFORT AND DEDICATION.....AND MEDIOCRE PEOPLE DO NOT BELIEVE IN GIVING MORE OF THEMSLEVES THEY ARE VERY..........COMPLACENT. THAT IS THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE OVER ACHIEVERS AND THE MEDIOCRE. IT IS NOT INTELLIGENCE, NOT SKILL, NOT TALENT...NONE OF THAT. I HAVE COME ACROSS SOME VERY...UH...TALENTLESS PEOPLE THAT HAVE ACCOMPLISHED A WHOLE LOT. IT HAS TO DO WITH THE DRIVE AND AMBITION. IT IS ALL VERY PSYCHOLOGICAL.

AT TIMES MY MENTAL GENIUS IMPRESSES ME (AND I'M PRETTY HARD TO IMPRESS) AND THEN AT OTHER TIMES I WONDER HOW I EVER MADE IT THROUGH ELEMENTARY SCHOOL BECAUSE I CAN BARELY REMEMBER MY 7 TIMES TABLES. I USED TO FOCUS ON MY WEAKNESSES WAY TOO MUCH. I CHANGED THAT HABIT BECAUSE NO GOOD CAN COME FROM IT. LET ME LET YOU IN ON SOMETHING THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO TELL YOU. NOTHING IS REALLY THAT HARD. MATTER OF FACT YOU WILL FIND VERY LITTLE THINGS THAT YOU ARE NOT ACTUALLY CAPABLE OF DOING. THE HIGHER REALMS (IF YOU WILL) TEND TO EXAGGERATE THE LEVEL OF DIFFICULTY IN ALOT OF THINGS. A WEAKMINDED PERSON WOULD BE EASILY INTIMIDATED AND DISCOURAGED BY THINGS THAT ARE PRESENTED AS HARD.

HAVE YOU EVER COME ACROSS A PERSON THAT DOESN'T SEEM THAT......BRIGHT. THEN YOU DISCOVER THAT THEY ARE A BUSINESS OWNER, A LAWYER, A DOCTOR, AN ACCOUNTANT, EVEN AN ENGINEER. YOU ARE SHOCKED RIGHT. ME TOO.....WELL I USED TO BE. I'M NOT SHOCKED ANYMORE. IT'S ALL REALLY QUITE SIMPLE. INTELLIGENCE DOES NOT SEPERATE THE CLASSES......AMBITION DOES. THE DESIRE TO ACHIEVE IS THE DEFINITIVE LINE. I'M HERE TO TELL YOU THAT YOU REALLY CAN DO WHATEVER IT IS THAT YOU WANT TO DO. EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD IS SENSATIONALIZED TO MAKE IT SEEM HARDER THAN IT REALLY IS. NOTHING IS ALL THAT HARD...REALLY IT IS NOT. MAYBE A FEW THINGS ARE REALLY THAT HARD AND IT TAKES ROCKET SCIENCE TO DO......FOR EXAMPLE ROCKET SCIENCE. OTHER THAN THAT EVERYTHING ELSE IS AMPLIFIED TO SCARE OFF LAZY AND SELF DOUBTING PEOPLE. COLLEGE, GRAD SCHOOL, LAW SCHOOL, MEDICAL SCHOOL, OWNING A BUSINESS..ALLTHAT STUFF IS A PIECE OF CAKE. THAT ISH AIN'T HARD. I'VE DONE SOME OF THAT STUFF AND I AM ABOUT TO DO MORE. IN RETROSPECT I CAN HONESTLY SAY THAT IT IS NOT THAT HARD AND I HAVE WATCHED MORONS (SORRY GUYS) SPEAD PASSED ME BECAUSE I AM TOO LAZY OR INTIMIDATED OR BOTH TO GET MY GANGSTA UP AND INVEST MORE EFFORT.

ALOT OF THINGS ARE PRESENTED AS HARD AND IT REALLY ISN'T. JUST THINK ABOUT IT FOR A MOMENT. LIKE PUTTING A BED FROM IKEA TOGETHER. THEY GIVE YOU A BUNCH OF PARTS AND SOME DUTCH DIRECTIONS AND A PICTURE. YOU MAY GET FRUSTRATED, BORED, LAZY AND TIRED....BUT IT REALLY ISN'T HARD. WHEN I START TO PAINT MY TOE NAILS THAT ISH ENDS UP BEING A REAL TASK. I PRETTY MUCH HATE IT BECAUSE IT'S BORING AND TEDIOUS, BUT IT'S NOT REALLY THAT HARD. I THINK WE ARE SO USED TO A MICROWAVE SOCIETY AND ONCE WE ACTUALLY HAVE TO PUT SOME EFFORT INTO SOMETHING WE GET IMMEDIATELY DISENCHANTED AND THROW OUR HANDS UP AND WALK AWAY. WHEN WE DO THAT WE REALLY CUT OURSELVES SHORT. JUST FINISH IT AND SEE IT THROUGH. ALOT OF US CAN NOT AFFORD TO JUST WALK AWAY. IT IRRITATES ME TOO, BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY BRILLIANT BLACK PEOPLE WHO HAVE ABILITY, BUT DON'T DO ANYTHING WITH IT. I AM REALLY SPEAKING TO BLACK AMERICANS. ALOT OF US ARE GRINDING AND DOING IT, BUT THERE CAN ALWAYS BE MORE. ALWAYS. WHEN I WAS IN UNDERGRAD I SAW ALOT OF FOREIGN STUDENTS WHO COULD BARELY SPEAK THE LANGUAGE (THAT IS AN IMMEDIATE HANDICAP RIGHT THERE) BLOWING IT OUT THE BOX. IT WASN'T THAT THEY WERE NECESSARILY "SMARTER" THAN ANYONE ELSE, IT'S THAT THEY WERE FOCUSED ON COMPLETION. SCHOOL IS REALLY NO DIFFERENT FROM ANYTHING ELSE. YOU START DINNER YOU BURN SOMETHING YOU GET TIRED HALFWAY THROUGH. YOU JUST CAN'T STOP THERE AND STARVE TO DEATH...I MEAN YOU CAN, BUT THAT WOULD BE DUMB...YOU GOT TO FINISH THAT MEAL...MIGHT NOT BE PERFECT, BUT IT'S A MEAL NONE THE LESS. ALOT OF US ARE STARVING WHEN WE REALLY DON'T HAVE TO...LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY.

MY FRIEND THAT FINISHED LAW SCHOOL SAID THIS, "LEARINGING THE LAW ISN'T HARD..THE MENTAL PART IS HARD...THEY PSYCH YOU OUT AND HAZE YOU. THEY MAKE YOU DO TEDIOUS STUFF AND RUN AROUND LIKE A CHICKEN WITHOUT A HEAD. THEY JUST WANT TO SEE HOW DEDICATED WE ARE. IF WE ARE GOING TO STICK TO IT. IF WE GET A CASE THAT GETS HARD AND COMPLICATED WILL WE GIVE UP? ALOT OF PEOPLE DO GIVE UP. I DON'T REALLY KNOW ANY LAWS BY HEART...I LOOK UP THE LAWS I NEED IN A BOOK. ALL I KNOW HOW TO DO REALLY IS MANUEVER MYSELF. THEY TAUGHT ME HOW TO THINK DIFFERENTLY IN LAW SCHOOL. THAT'S ABOUT IT." HUMPH. SOUNDS LIKE STREET LIFE TO ME. THE STREETS TEACH YOU HOW TO THINK DIFFERENTLY TOO. SO DOES PRISON. SO DOES MARRIAGE. SO DOES HAVING KIDS. ALL THOSE THINGS ARE "HARD". NONE OF THAT IS INFEASABLE OR UNOBTAINABLE. IT HAS TO DO WITH DEDICATION. WHEN I WORKED IN SOCIAL WORK AND SAW PARENTS WITHOUT THEIR KIDS I WOULD THINK 'WHY CAN'T THEY JUST GET THEIR ACT TOGETHER AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR DAMN KIDS....WHAT IS SO HARD???!!!' IT WASN'T REALLY HARD. IT WAS HARD FOR THEM BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT. IT'S THE SAME THING WITH ANYTHING ELSE IN THIS WORLD. LIFE JUST REPEATS ITSELF. THE STRONGEST SURVIVE. NOT THE FASTEST, NOT THE SMARTEST, NOT THE PRETTIEST, NOT THE TOUGHEST, NOT THE FUNNIEST.......THE STRONGEST.

ONE MORE THING............IF YOU KNOW SOMETHING THAT CAN HELP SOMEONE ELSE TO ADVANCE DON'T HOLD ON TO IT.........THAT IS A MIGHTY EUROPEAN THING TO DO. I SEE PEOPLE THAT LOOK LIKE ME COME UP AND NOT GIVE A HAND TO SOMEONE. IT DOES NOT BENEFIT OUR COMMUNITY TO HOLD ON TO INFORMATION THAT CAN ADVANCE US. ALOT OF PEOPLE WANT SOMETHING BETTER, BUT THEY DON'T HAVE ANYONE TO SHOW THEM HOW TO WORK THE SYSTEM OR SHOW THEM THE ROPES. THAT IS ONE THING THAT CAN MAKE THE DIFFERENCE. MY FRIEND SAID TO ME, "WHEN I WAS APPLYING TO LAW SCHOOL I DIDN'T HAVE ANYONE TO SHOW ME WHAT TO DO OR HOW TO DO IT. I COULDN'T GO TO MY MOM OR DAD OR UNCLES OR FRIENDS ABOUT THAT BECAUSE NONE OF THEM EXPERIENCED IT. I WAS KIND OF BLIND AND THAT WAS A DISADVANTAGE AT FIRST. I WAS ON MY OWN, BUT NOW AT LEAST YOU'LL HAVE ME TO TELL YOU THINGS AND TO SHOW YOU. THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO DO I WANT TO HELP FIVE OR MORE PEOPLE SO THAT THEY CAN DO WHAT I DID AND NOT HAVE AS HARD OF A TIME....MAYBE I CAN SAVE THEM GRIEF." ISN'T THAT WONDERFUL? ISN'T THAT BRILLIANT? WELL ISN'T IT?.....................HOT DAMN. THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. WHY WOULD YOU ACTUALLY WANT ANOTHER PERSON TO STRUGGLE? ESPECIALLY SOMEONE THAT LOOKS JUST LIKE YOU. WE HAVE ENOUGH STRUGGLE. WE DO....I DON'T WANT TO HEAR NO UNCLE TOM KNEEGRAH TALKING ABOUT ' WE HAVE THE SAME OPPORTUNITIES AS EVERYONE ELSE...WE JUST NEED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE' WHATEVER KNEEGRAH. *ROLLING EYES* YOU CAN'T CONVINCE ME. WE LIVE IN A LAND THAT WAS NOT INTENDED FOR ANYBODY BUT THE WHITE MAN (SO THAT MEANS EVERY RACE AND THE WHITE FEMALE GENDER HAS AN IMMEDIATE DISADVANTAGE) AND AS MUCH AS WE FIGHT NOTHING WILL EVER BE STRUGGLE FREE FOR US. SO THAT MEANS NEPOTISM STRAIGHT OFF THE BAT FOR THE WHITE MALES.......C'MON LOOK AT GEORGE BUSH ......DUDE SHOULDN'T EVEN BE THERE - THAT'S STRAIGHT NEPOTISM. I GUARANTEE YOU THAT HE IS NOT THE SMARTEST OR BRIGHTEST OF ANYONE IN ANY KIND OF SOCIALLY SETTING THAT HE HAS PLACED HIMSELF IN. EVEN THE MOST WELL BRED AND SOCIALLY ASTUTE BLACK PEOPLE DO NOT KNOW WHAT THE HELL THEY ARE SUPPOSE TO BE DOING NEXT AND THAT IS BECAUSE WHEN THEY GET TO A CERTAIN LEVEL OF POWER AND FINANCIAL FREEDOM THEY ARE SUROUNDED BY PEOPLE THAT DO NOT REALLY WANT THEM TO SUCCEED OR THAT THINK THEY SHOULD NOT HAVE THAT POWER TO BEGIN WITH. SO THE FIGHT GETS TOUGHER FOR THEM.

IT IRRITATES ME HOW PEOPLE BEHAVE AS THOUGH THEY ARE BETTER THAN OTHERS AND THEY ALWAYS EQUATE THEY'RE SUPERIORITY BY THINGS THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH CHARACTER AND VALUES. IT REALLY SHAMES ME TO SEE BLACK PEOPLE DO THAT. JUST BECAUSE YOU WENT TO SCHOOL OR BECAUSE YOU ARE IN A BETTER NEIGHBORHOOD THEN OTHER PEOPLE YOU ARE BETTER? OR JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE A NICE WHIP OR A CHANEL BAG (THOSE OF YOU THAT KNOW FASHION KNOW THAT CHANEL CAN NOT COMPARE TO GUCCI OR FENDI...YOU SEE ALOT OF PEOPLE RUNNING AROUND W\ GUCCI AND FENDI AND LV, BUT HOW MANY DO YOU SEE WITH CHANEL.....MARINATE ON THAT) THAT YOU ARE BETTER? ALL THAT MEANS IS THAT YOU HAVE A NICER CAR OR A NICER BAG ....IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU'RE BETTER. PSHHHH. PLEASE. I WANT TO KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO FROM DAY TO DAY TO HAVE THOSE THINGS. IF YOU HAVE THEM HONESTLY AND DON'T HAVE TO SELL YOUR SOUL BY CHEATING YOUR WAY CORPORATELY, HANDLING ANY KIND OF BLOOD MONEY OR BY DOING SOMETHING DISPICABLE, THEN FINE . FEW AN FAR BETWEEN ARE ABLE TO ACHIEVE WEALTH WITH AN HONEST LIVING. YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A DRUG DEALER TO SELL YOUR SOUL. IT'S WONDERFUL TO BE FREE AND NOT TO BE ABLE TO PROPOSITION ME ANYTHING CHEAP TO CHANGE MY SOUL. ARE YOU HERE FOR A SERMON OR WHAT?!? I DIDN'T EVEN SEE THIS COMING.........WHO KNEW I WOULD WRITE ALL THIS.

THEN ALOT OF THOSE SAME PEOPLE GET UPPITY AND LOOK BACK AT LESS FORTUNATE FOLK AND THINK THAT THEY SHOULD STRUGGLE THE SAME WAY THEY DID TO GET TO WHERE THEY ARE AT. WHY????!!!!! SHOULDN'T WE BE TRYING TO MAKE IT EASIER FOR OUR OWN TO SUCCEED? YEAH THE OPPORTUNITY PRESENTS ITSELF, BUT NOBODY TELLS US ISH. WE HAVE TO LEARN THINGS OUR DAMN SELF. I LIVE IN A LILLY WHITE COMMUNITY WHERE THEY HAVE STOCK AND FINANCIAL INVESTMENT CLASSES IN PUBLIC SCHOOL, 9TH GRADE LEVEL. GO TO A PUBLIC SCHOOL IN NYC OR ANY OTHER BLACK METROPOLIS AND TELL ME IF THEY HAVE ELECTIVES LIKE THAT 9TH GRADE LEVEL........ THERE IS A HUMUNGOUS DISPARITY. DON'T GET IT TWISTED THERE ARE SOME OF THE NICESET WHITE PEOPLE AROUND HERE YOU MAY EVER MEET.......THERE ARE ALSO SOME OF THE NASTIEST. THEN AGAIN I HAVE MET SOME OF THE NASTIEST BLACK PEOPLE TOO WHO BEHAVE AS THOUGH THEY WERE RAISED BY GORILLAS. TRUTHFULLY IT HURTS MY HEART MORE TO BE DOWNGRAGED BY ANOTHER BLACK PERSON. GO FIGURE....BUT I DIGRESS YET ONCE AGAIN.......I THINK MY POINT IS WHEN SOMEONE TELLS YOU SOMETHING VALUABLE THANK THEM AND DON'T MAKE THE MISTAKE OF TOSSING THE KNOWLEDGE ASIDE BECAUSE ALOT OF PEOPLE WON'T TELL YOU A THING. THEY WILL LET YOU SIT THERE AND DESTROY YOURSELF. IT TRULY MAKES ME SAD.

JUST LET ME FILL YOU IN ON A LITTLE SUH-TING SUH-TING (SPANISH ACCENT) IN THE EARLY 1800'S CONGRESS MADE A LAW THAT THREE THINGS COULD NOT BE TAUGHT AT ANY BLACK INSTITUTIONS.........I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP MAN. JUST ASK SOMEONE WHO HAS MAJORED IN BLACK STUDIES. THE SCIENCE OF BUSINESS COULD NOT BE TAUGHT BECAUSE THE SCIENCE OF BUSINESS IS THE SCIENCE OF LIFE AND THEY DID NOT WANT US TO LIVE THEY WANTED US TO SURVIVE. EVERYBODY SHOULD KNOW THAT THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LIVING AND SURVIVING (IF YOU DON'T YOU BETTER GO TO DICTIONARY.COM..QUICKLY) THE SCIENCE OF WAR COULD NOT BE TAUGHT BECAUSE THEN WE WOULD KNOW HOW TO PROTECT OUR BUSINESSES AND OUR LIVELIHOOD. THE SCIENCE OF BREEDING BECAUSE THEN WE WOULD KNOW HOW TO STRENGTHEN OUR RACE AMONG THE STRONGER AND THE WEAKER AMONG US. CONGRESS DECIDED NOT TO TEACH THESE THINGS TO MAINTAIN THEIR POWER. *SLOW DOWN AND SIP THAT DRINK*

I'M NOT TRYING TO GET ALL 'BACK TO AFRICA' ON YOU, BUT IT IS REAL OUT THERE. WE MUST EDUCATE OURSELVES AND OUR BABIES. JUST TEACH YOUR CHILDREN TO BE CRITICAL THINKERS AND DO NOT LET THEM QUIT OUT OF LAZINESS OR INTIMIDATION. DON'T YOU QUIT EITHER. ESPECIALLY YOU YOUNG KIDS THAT HAVE NOT EVEN BEGUN TO LIVE YOUR REAL LIFE...THERE IS SO MUCH OPPORTUNITY OUT THERE. DON'T EVER DENY YOURSELF SUCCESS BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO SCARED TO TRY. OKAY.....THIS WILL BE THE LAST SERIOUS POST FOR A WHILE. *FAKE SMILE*

2003-08-21T02:33:00.000-04:00

I REALLY HAVE A PET PEEVE....GARBAGE MEN....TRASH TECHNICIANS.....I DON'T GIVE A DAMN WHAT YOU CALL THEM BECAUSE I'M NOT TRYING TO BE MILD MANNERED RIGHT NOW. I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH GARBAGE MEN TRYING TO GET AT ME WHEN THEY'RE ON DUTY. ...THE HELL?!!! SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE REALLLY GETTING DOWN TO THE BOTTOM OF THEIR WEIRD SCIENCE AND JUST ASK THEM A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS (WHILE SQUEEZING MY NOSE). AM I ACTUALLY SUPPOSE TO STOP AND CHAT AS YOU STAND IN YOUR FILTHY UNIFORM? KICK IT WITH YOU WHILE STANDING NEXT TO YOUR STENCHED AND REVOLTING GARBAGE TRUCK? DO THESE MEN HAVE THAT MUCH CONFIDENCE? A MAN IN CLEAN CLOTHES SHOULD FEEL SOMEWHAT APPRHENSIVE BEFORE APPROACHING AN ANOMALOUS WOMAN LET ALONE A MAN WHO IS WEARING DIRTY GARNMENTS PICKING UP TRASH (NO PUN INTENED).

I HAVE BEEN CAT CALLED (I GUESS 'CAT CALLED' IS SUCH AN OLD TERM AND EVEN THOUGH I AM A PART OF THE HIP HOP GENERATION THE TERM 'HOLLA AT' SOUNDS CORNIER THAN CAT CALLED...SO I'LL STICK WITH 'CAT CALLED') BY MEN LITERALLY SWINGING OFF THE BACK OF GARBAGE TRUCKS. IT DOESN'T MAKE ME FEEL GOOD IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A WALKING TRASH BAG! I GET OFFENDED THAT A GUY WOULD REALLY TRY TO KICK IT IN THAT KIND OF SETTING. AM I WRONG? I DON'T THINK I AM. SO HERE IS THE TWIST. WHEN WE WERE COMING HOME FROM AN OUTING THE OTHER NIGHT WE STOPPED AT A RED LIGHT. MY FRIEND'S COUSIN SAID SOMETHING LIKE "OOOOH HE LOOKS GOOD....HE LOOKS KIND OF YOUNG THOUGH." WE TURN TO LOOK AROUND AND THE ONLY GUY THAT IS AROUND IS THE GARBAGE MAN ON THE CORNER. WE LOOK AT HIM AND HE IS KIND OF CUTE, BUT THE WHOLE FACT THAT HE IS EMPTYING GARBAGE IS AN INSTANT TURN OFF. I WOULD NEVER THINK TO GIVE A GARBAGE MAN ANY PLAY WHILE HE IS ON THE JOB. ONLY BECAUSE IT'S TASTELESS NOT BECAUSE I DON'T RESPECT THE JOB. NOW IF I MET A GUY IN ANOTHER KIND OF SETTING AND HE HAD OTHER THINGS GOING FOR HIM AND THEN I DISCOVERED HE WAS A GARBAGE MAN I COULD WORK WITH THAT. THE WHOLE POINT IS HOMEGIRL REALLY WAS ABOUT TO GIVE HIM A LITTLE RAP...I WOULD NEVER ENTERTAIN AN EXCHANGE LIKE THAT. NOW I KIND OF UNDERSTAND GARBAGE MEN A LITTLE MORE - SOME WOMEN MUST REALLY NOT CARE IF THEY ARE DRIVING A STENCH FILLED TRUCK WHILE THEY ARE MACKING. I TRULY NEVER BELIEVED THOSE MEN WERE GETTING ANY KIND OF PLAY WHILE RIDING ON THAT TRUCK, BUT AS I SAW FOR MYSELF SOME CHICKS DON'T CARE IF A MAN APPROACHES THEM IN SOILED CLOTHES. I'M JUST NOT THAT WOMAN. GET AT ME ON YOUR DAY OFF. OKAY PLAYA?

2003-08-21T00:32:00.000-04:00

I JUST SAW THE LATEST EPISODE OF SEX AND THE CITY AND BLAIR UNDERWOOD WAS LOOKING DELICIOUS.......LET THE CHURCH SAY AMEN. EVERYTIME HE WAS IN A SCENE I WAS LITERALLY SAYING "DAMN" OUT LOUD. IT IS RARE THAT A PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTE CAN MAKE ME SAY "DAMN" ABOUT A MAN.....BUT DAMN. HE LOOKS SO GOOD I FORGIVE HIM FOR HAVING A FIRST NAME LIKE BLAIR AND I ALSO FORGIVE HIM FOR WEARING THOSE HIGH WAISTED ITALIAN PANTS.....C'MON. WE DON'T PLAY THAT. TALK TO THE STYLIST. HIS SKIN...THAT SMILE....*SIGH*

2003-08-19T21:03:00.000-04:00

DON CHEADLE IS THE MAN. WHERE IS HIS OSCAR? I MEAN I REALLY LIKE HIM IN EVERY MOVIE THAT I HAVE SEEN HIM IN. I SAW A LESSON BEFORE DYING LAST WEEK.......BOY OH BOY THAT WAS A GOOD FLICK...A LITTLE REMINISCENT OF ROSEWOOD, BUT THAT'S OKAY. I JUST LISTENED TO D'ANGELO'S VOODOO. MAN THAT ALBUM WAS SLEPT ON. THAT IS A GREAT ALBUM. IF I WENT TO A GUY'S CRIB AND HE HAD THAT IN HIS COLLECTION........HMMMMMM....I DIDN'T REALLY THINK OF HOW I WOULD END THAT SENTENCE BEFORE I STARTED TO TYPE IT. I GUESS I WANTED TO END IT WITH SOMETHING SEXY AND PROVOCATIVE....BUT THAT'S JUST NOT ME. SO NOTHING WOULD HAPPEN I WOULD PROBABLY JUST SAY, "OH WOW I LIKE THAT RECORD ALOT." THEN TAP MY FOOT AND LOOK AROUND OR SOMETHING.

I JUST REALIZED THAT PUFFY GOT THAT BEAT IN LOON'S SONG 'HOW YOU WANT THAT' FROM THE ROOTS THINGS FALL APART CD. THAT MAN STAY BITIN' OFF OF SOMEONE ELSE (CAN YOU SAY EBONICS?.......DON'T YOU HATE THAT WORD EBONICS......WHAT IS THE TECHNICAL WORD FOR WHITEY TALK? THERE IS NONE...OKAY THEN) I DO LIKE THAT SONG THOUGH. I AM SUCH A SUCKER FOR A HOT BEAT. I COULD CARE LESS WHAT THEY ARE SAYING, BUT IF THE BEAT IS HOT..IT'S A WRIZZAP. THAT'S NOT VERY RESPONSIBLE IS IT? IF GEORGE BUSH ISN'T RESPONSIBLE WHY SHOULD I BE? THAT AS WELL IS AN IRRESPONSIBLE THING TO SAY. EH..

I MADE VEGETABLE LASAGNA LAST NIGHT. IT CAME OUT GREAT. YEAH..I PUT SPINACH IN IT. I DON'T USE RICOTTA CHEESE THOUGH. THAT STUFF IS NASTY. IT LOOKS LIKE BABY VOMIT. YOU KNOW I DON'T LIKE ALOT OF WHITE CREAMY THINGS REALLY......YOU CAN LET YOUR MIND WONDER WITH THAT. DAMN YOU SCHOOL KIDS! GROW UP. WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT IS MAYONAISE, WHIP CREAM, VANILLA ICE CREAM, WHITE YOGURT...JOO KNOW STUFF LIKE THAT. EATING THAT STUFF IS NOT MY FORTE. I HAVE AN AUTOMATIC GAG REFLEX.

AS YOU CAN SEE I REALLY HAVEN'T A THING TO SAY. WELL I DID HAVE SOMETHING A BIT MORE TO SAY, BUT I'LL HOLD ON TO IT. CIAO-

2003-08-18T20:43:00.000-04:00

OH JYEAH !!!! THE NUBIAN PRINCESS IS BACK AND IN FULL EFFECT. THE BLACKOUT WAS UNFORTUNATE I ONLY EXPERIENCED A BROWNOUT....NOT A COMPLETE BLACKOUT..SO I DON'T HAVE TOO MUCH TO SAY ABOUT THAT.....EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT 1 BILLION DOLLARS IN REVENUE WAS LOST BECAUSE OF IT. SUPERB. I DIDN'T THINK THAT THERE COULD HAVE BEEN A BIGGER WASTE OF MONEY OTHER THAN THE WAR, BUT AMERICA HAS SO MANY LITTLE TRICKS UNDER THEIR SLEEVES - DON'T THEY?

SO I THOUGHT THE BLACKOUT WOULD RUIN MY WEEKEND TRIP TO MD.....BUT IT DIDN'T. IT COULD HAVE IF I LET IT, BUT IT DIDN'T. MY PLAN WAS TO GO INTO THE CITY EARLY MONDAY MORNING GET MY WIG TOSSED AND GET SOME BREAD (THE GREEN KIND), BUT THAT WASN'T HAPPENING BECAUSE THE MTA SUBWAY SYSTEM WASN'T OPERATING. SO AFTER A LOT OF BACK AND FORTH WITH SISTER GIRLFRIEND VIA PHONE WE DECIDED TO JUST DO THE THANG. SHE LEFT HER BEAUTIFUL TOWN OF SOUTH ORANGE, NJ AND SCOOPED ME UP IN GOOD OLD MIDDLETOWN, NJ AT ABOUT 7 PM. WE WERE OFF. WE LISTEN TO ALOT OF MUSIC, WAITED IN A TON OF TRAFFIC AND DID BUNCH OF LAUGHING. WE ARRIVED IN BOWIE, MD AT ABOUT MIDNIGHT. LET ME SAY THIS...I DIDN'T THINK I WOULD BE ALL THAT ENRAPTURED BY MARYLAND. I'VE BEEN BEFORE IT WAS OKAY......THIS TIME WAS A LITTLE DIFFERENT. I'M OLDER NOW AND LOOKING OUT OF DIFFERENT EYES. I WAS ALSO IN A DIFFERENT PART OF MD. WE STAYED AT HER COUSIN'S HOUSE.....REALLY HIS PARENTS HOUSE. THEY ARE ABOUT 15 MINUTES FROM D.C.

I LOVED IT. IT IS A VERY PROGRESSIVE AREA FOR BLACK PEOPLE. LOTS OF INSTITUTIONS OF EDUCATION, LOTS OF JOBS, LOTS OF FAMILIES, LOTS OF SINGLE BLACK MEN AND WOMEN AND ALOT OF BLACK CHURCHES. THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING TO DO DOWN THERE TOO. WE MANAGED TO CHILL IN VA, D.C, AND MD WHILE WE WERE THERE. WE GOT THERE PRETTY LATE SO WE MOSTLY JUST TALKED AND ATE ON FRIDAY NIGHT. SATURDAY MORNING WE PLANNED TO VISIT A CHURCH, BUT IT WAS RAINING SO HARD AND DIDN'T STOP UNTIL ABOUT 4 PM OR SO....SO WE JUST SLEPT LATE AND COOLED OUT. WHEN THE RAIN STOPPED WE DECIDED TO GO TO SOME MALL CALLED TYSON'S I AND II IN VIRGINIA. WE CRUISED THROUGH D.C. FIRST WHICH WAS COOL. WE DROVE THROUGH SOME REALLY NICE BLACK NEIGHBORHOODS. I CAME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT THERE IS ALOT OF "OLD" BLACK MONEY IN D.C. BECAUSE ALOT OF PEOPLE ARE LIVING VERY NICE. IT'S FUNNY HOW WHENEVER I GO TO A PLACE LIKE ATLANTA OR D.C. I'M ALWAYS BEING GIVEN A TOUR OF WHERE THE BLACK PEOPLE WITH MONEY LIVE. LOL. IT'S COOL TO SEE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOODS THAT ARE BANGING WITH ONLY BLACK PEOPLE LIVING THERE.

I'M SO TIRED OF PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT "BLACK PEOPLE AREN'T DOING THIS AND BLACK PEOPLE AREN'T DOING THAT" BLAH BLAH BLAH "BLACK PEOPLE GET SOMETHING GOOD AND THEY RUIN IT" BLAH BLAH BLAH. THAT IS SUCH A LOAD OF BULL. THERE ARE ALOT OF BROTHERS AND SISTERS DOING THEIR THING THAT ARE MOTIVATED AND THRIVING. I NEVER HEAR ENOUGH ABOUT THAT. I MOSTLY HEAR BLACK MOUTHS OPENING UP TO PUT SOMEONE THAT LOOKS JUST LIKE THEM DOWN. WELL, WHENEVER I LISTEN TO A BLACK PERSON DISSING THEIR OWN I WONDER IF THEY KNOW THAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT THEMSELVES TOO. THERE ARE JUST WAY TOO MANY SUCCESSFUL BLACK PEOPLE TO FOCUS ON. SO THERE IS REALLY NO NEED TO BE SO NEGATIVE ABOUT OUR OWN COMMUNITIES ALL THE TIME. IT'S SELF DEFEATING AND UNNECESSARY. I'M JUST SO TIRED OF HEARING THE NEGATIVITY. LET'S BE POSITIVE AND DISCUSS ALL THE SUCCESS THAT WE HAVE. I DON'T JUST MEAN PROFESSIONAL OR MONETARY SUCCESS I MEAN ALL KINDS OF SUCCESS. FINISHING SCHOOL, RAISING TWO PARENT FAMILIES, BEING SPIRITUALLY FOCUSED. SUPERFICIAL PEOPLE TRY TO TRIVIALIZE EVERYTHING ELSE AND FOCUS ON MONEY AND EDUCATION. NOW MONEY AND EDUCATION ARE IMPORTANT, BUT THERE ARE OTHER IMPORTANT FACTORS THAT MAKE A PERSON TRULY WELL ROUNDED, BUT I DIGRESS.........

SO WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THE WHOLE "OLD" BLACK MONEY THING IN THE CAR. WE START TALKING ABOUT D.C. AND THE BLCK PEOPLE FROM D.C. I HAVE STEREOTYPED BLACK PEOPLE FROM THAT AREA. I DON'T KNOW IF I AM OFF AND MY OPINION MAY BE A LITTLE JADED, BUT THAT'S OKAY BECAUSE IT'S MY OPINION. I WENT TO A HISTORICALLY BLACK COLLEGE AND MY FRESHMAN YEAR I NOTICED THAT 80% OF THE KIDS FROM D.C. (GIVE OR TAKE A LITTLE) WERE LIGHT SKINNED. NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. JUST AN OBSERVATION. THE NEXT YEAR I SEE THE SAME THING. THIRD YEAR SAME THING. IT MAKES A SISTER START TO THINK. WHAT IS UP?? WHY ARE THERE MOSTLY LIGHT SKINNED BLACKS?? SO WE WERE TALKING ABOUT THAT IN THE CAR AND I ASKED MY HOMEGIRL'S COUSIN IF I AM OFF BECAUSE WHEN I WAS IN D.C. I SAW ALOT OF SHADES OF BLACK PEOPLE, BUT I MUST ADMIT THERE IS A SURPLUS (IF YOU WILL) OF LIGHT SKINNED BLACK PEOPLE. WHY IS THIS? KWESI (HOMEGIRL'S COUSIN) BASICALLY SAID THAT THERE IS ALOT OF OLD BLACK MONEY AND YEARS OF EDUCATION AND MONETRAY COMFORTABLILITY. SO EVEN IN THIS DAY AND AGE ALOT OF THE "LIGHT" FAMILIES WITH MONEY WANT THERE KIDS TO MARRY "LIGHT". THERE ARE ALWAYS EXCEPTIONS FOR A DARKER PERSON IF THEY ARE ADVANCED IN THEIR EDUCATION AND HAVE MANAGED TO BECOME SOME KIND OF DOCTOR OR ENGINEER ECT. I COULD NOT BELIEVE MY EARS....NAH I BELEIVED IT BECAUSE I SAW THE PROOF IN THE PUDDING. A HELLA LOT OF LIGHT SKINNED PEOPLE...WHICH PROBALBY LED BACK TO SLAVERY AND NORTHERN PROGRESSION AND EASIER ADVANCEMENT FOR LIGHTER SKINNED BLACKS. I CAN'T BE MAD AT ANY OF THAT THOUGH BECAUSE BLACK IS BLACK IS BLACK. NO MATTER WHAT.

WE GET TO THE MALL WALK AROUND. THOMAS PINK HAS SOME BADDDD SHIRTS FOR WOMEN. WHEW! THEY ARE DRESS SHIRTS WITH WONDERFUL COLOR COMBINATIONS...I THINK OPRAH WEARS THEM. THEY GO FOR ABOUT $150 + A POP. SO I WON'T BE GETTING ANY IN THE NEAR FUTURE. I DO PLAN TO COP SOME EVENTUALLY. WE STAYED IN THE MALL UNTIL ABOUT 9 PM THEN WE HAD TO RUSH BACK TO KWESI'S HOUSE TO GET READY TO GO OUT THAT NIGHT. OUR PLAN WAS TO GO TO DREAM, BUT SATURDAY IS NOT THE NIGHT IT'S POPPING SO V.I.P WAS THE PLACE WE WERE GOING TO CHECK OUT. WE RUSH BACK TO THE HOUSE AND GET READY. I DECIDED TO WEAR THIS CUTE BLACK PLEATED MINI SKIRT, SOME BLCK HEALS WITH BLACK LEG WARMERS ( IT LOOKED TOO CUTE! I PUSHED THEM DOWN TO SCRUNCH THEM UP SO THEY COVER THE HEEL OF MY SHOE) AND THIS WHITE TIGHT FITTING BOB MARLEY SHIRT WITH A WHITE LEATHER DRIVING CAP AND THIS WHITE WIDE BELT I GOT AT THIS PLACE CALLED NEW YORK LOOK. THE BELT SAT ON MY HIPS. I KNOW MY GET-UP SOUNDS A LITTLE CRAZY, BUT I ASURE YOU I WAS LOOKING LIKE A MODEL. IF YOU DON'T KNOW JUST ASK. MY FRIEND WAS DOING HER THING TOO. SHE HAS THAT LITTLE GUCCI POUCH THAT CARRIE HAD FROM SEX IN THE CITY AND SHE JUST COPPED IT SO SHE WAS ECSTATIC (TWO YEARS AFTER CARRIE YES I KNOW, BUT IT'S A CLASSIC SO IT'S OKAY). SHE ROCKED SOME SUEDE GREEN CARGO PANTS, GREEN SNAKESKIN HEELS AND A LITTLE ARMY GREEN TANK TOP. SHE LOOKED FAB-U-LOUS. SO WE HEAD OUT TO THE CLUB AND AS WE PULLOUT OF THE DRIVEWAY KWESI SAYS, "DOES EVERYBODY HAVE THERE MONEY AND I.D.?" I ASKED HIM TO TURN THE CAR LIGHT ON SO I COULD CHECK MY PURSE BECAUSE I'M ONE OF THOSE GIRLS WHO CHANGE MY PURSE TO MATCH MY OUTFIT- SO SOMETIMES I LEAVE THINGS BEHIND. I CHECK AND I'M GOOD. WE WERE OFF.

WE HAD AN AWFUL TIME TRYING TO FIND PARKING. EVERYBODY AND THEIR MOTHER (NOT LITERALLY THANK GOODNESS) WAS GOING TO BE IN VIP THAT NIGHT. I WAS GETTING A LITTLE HYPED BECAUSE I REALLY WANTED TO GET MY PARTY ON AND SEE SOME NEW FACES....TEST MY GAME JOO KNOW...WHAT MY NAME IS?? SO WE FINALLY FIND PARKING AND IT SUDDENLY STARTS TO RAIN. I'M NOT PHASED. I PUT MY LITTLE SWITCH ON AND KEPT IT MOVING. WE ARE NOW ON LINE. ONE OF THE FRONT PEOPLE TELLS EVERYONE TO GET THEIR I.D'S OUT. I GET MY I.D.......THEN SISTERGIRLFRIEND STARTS GRUMBLING SOMETHING UNDER HER BREATH.....SO I'M LIKE "WHAT? HUH?" SHE TURNS TO ME AND SAYS, " YOU DON'T EVEN WANT TO HEAR THIS ISH." I'M LIKE "OH NO.....NO.....WHERE'S YOUR I.D? " SHE SAID "IN MY PURSE" I SAID "WELL GET IT OUT AND SH'MON" SHE SAID "NO..IT'S IN MY PURSE AT HOME" THEN ONE OF HER COUSINS SAY "OH --- WELL I KNOW ONE OF THE GIRLS UP THERE WITH THE CLIP BOARD SO LET'S SEE IF SHE CAN JUST GET YOU IN WITHOUT THE I.D." I THOUGHT THAT WAS A DAMN GOOD PLAN RIGHT THERE SO I DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER GETTING OFF LINE WITH THE REST OF THEM. I STAYED PUT AND JUST MOVED WITH THE LINE BECAUSE I JUST KNEW WE WERE GETTING IN. I LOOK BACK TO SEE WHAT'S GOING ON AND THEY WERE TALKING WITH THE GIRL THEN THEIR FACES JUST FELL. I WAS LIKE "OH DAMN". I WAS REALLY RELUCTANT TO GET OFF LINE...BUT I DID. I WALK OVER TO SEE WHAT THE STATUS WAS AND THEY SAID IT WAS A NO GO...SO THEN I STEP UP TO THE WOMAN AND I SAID, "BUT BUT BUT..BUT SHE'S A GROWN WOMAN...SHE'S 25....SHE'S FULL GROWN." LOL. THE WOMAN PUT ON THE SYMPATHETIC "I KNOW FACE" AND BASICALLY TOLD ME SHE NEEDS HER I.D. SO AS WE'RE WALKING BACK TO THE CAR I KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT BECAUSE I AM TERRIBLY DISAPPOINTED. THE REST OF THEM ARE TELLING HER IT'S OKAY AND IT'S COOL BECAUSE THERE WILL BE ANOTHER TIME AND NEXT TIME THEY WON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR ANYTHING YADDA YADDA. I JUST GET IN THE CAR LOOKING LIKE I HAD A MISCARRIAGE.

WE GET BACK TO KWESI'S CRIB AT ABOUT 1 AM AND BY THEN I AM ABLE TO LAUGH ABOUT THE WHOLE THING. KWESI SAID, " I DON'T WANT TO BE AN A-HOLE , BUT I DID ASK IF EVERYBODY HAD THEIR ISH.....WHERE DID WE GO WRONG?". LOL...I WAS SO GLAD HE SAID IT. WELL WE WATCHED COFFY WITH PAM GRIER AND CLEOPATRA JONES. THOSE MOVIES ARE HILARIOUS. THE NEXT DAY WE WENT TO HOWARD UNIVERITY'S CAMPUS AND HOWARD SCHOOL OF LAW. DAMN. THERE ARE SOME GOOD LOOKING BROTHERS IN D.C. THE WOMEN DO NOT PLAY EITHER. THEY KEEP THEIR HAIR AND NAILS DID AND STROLL AROUND CAMPUS LIKE IT'S THE CLUB. I LOVE IT! NO SWEATS AND AIRMAX. NUH -UH. I COULD HAVE SWORE I SAW SOME CHICK WITH A COOGI TRENCH COAT. I LIE TO YOU NOT- I SAW A GIRL WITH A CUTE LITTLE WHITE KNIT TOP, IVORY KNIT SKIRT, KNIT PURSE AND SOME DAMN KNITTED BOOTS!! I SAID HOTT DAMN! I'M NOT INTO THE MATCHY MATCHY TYPE OF THING, BUT HOMEGIRL WAS ON POINT. IT IS NOT A GAME.

ANYWAY IT'S A NICE PLACE TO BE. I HAVE MORE TO TELL, BUT I'M TIRED AND HUNGRY. CIAO

2003-08-13T05:38:00.000-04:00

HA HA....I JUST SAW A CLIP OF RALPH NADER GETTING A PIE SMASHED IN HIS FACE. PURE COMEDY AT IT'S BEST. WATCH THE NEWS IF ONLY TO SEE THAT FOOTAGE. I LOVE WHEN PEOPLE GET HUMILIATED.....*CLEARS THROAT*. I DIDN'T MEAN THAT..I DON'T REALLY LOVE WHEN PEOPLE GET HUMILIATED *PSSSSS....SHE HAS HER FINGERS CROSSED UNDER HER CHAIR*.

I NEED A NEW TOOTHBRUSH BADLY. WE (WE MEANING ME..FOR SOME REASON NOW I LIKE TO SAY WE WHEN I REFER TO MYSELF) ARE PUSHING THE 14 MONTH MARK.....RESERVE THE GRIMACED FACES PEOPLE!! WE DON'T NEED THAT IN OUR LIFE. WE DISCUSSED THE TOOTHBRUSH THING ALREADY DIDN'T WE?

I HAVE MADE A WONDERFUL NEW DISCOVERY THAT I WANT TO SHARE WITH THE WORLD (BECAUSE I TRULY BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE DON'T KNOW CERTAIN THINGS UNTIL I TELL IT). A PERSON'S FAVORITE COLOR DOES NOT ACTUALLY HAVE TO BE A COLOR THAT THEY ENJOY WEARING. WHAT GREAT NEWS! YEA!!!!!!! I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT IN ORDER TO HAVE A FAVORITE COLOR YOU MUST NOT ONLY ENJOY SEEING THE COLOR AND DECORATING WITH IT, BUT YOU MUST ALSO ENJOY WEARING IT. THE GREAT NEWS IS JUST BECAUSE IT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU WOULD EVER BE CAUGHT DEAD IN IT. FABULOUS NEWS.

SPEAKING OF FABULOUS..THAT RAPPER GUY HAS ME WALKING AROUND THINKING THAT THE WORD IS ACTUALLY SPELLED F-A-B-O-LO-US.

WELL I MISSED THE 'WHITE SHIRT AND JEANS PARTY' THIS PAST WEAKEND (MISPELLING INTENDED) DUE TO RAIN. YEAH YEAH YEAH I KNOW THE THEME THING SEEMS A LITTLE 5TH GRADE, BUT APPARENTLY THAT'S WHAT EVERYBODY IS DOING NOW. THE PARTY WAS HELD AT THE HAMMERSTEIN BALLROOM ON 34TH STREET. I SAW PICTURES AND I DON'T REALLY REGRET NOT GOING. IT WAS DEFINATELY CROWDED AND FOXY BROWN WAS UP IN THE CUTS, BUT IT SEEMED A LITTLE TOO HOOD FOR ME. IT ALSO SEEMED WAY TOO CROWDED TO DANCE AND IF I'M NOT DANCING I WANT TO BE ENTERTAINED WITH FASHION........FROM THE PICTURES THE FASHION WAS A LITTLE SUB PAR. PEOPLE WERE NOT DOING IT LIKE THEY WERE DOING IT FOR T.V. WHEN I DO IT I LIKE TO DO IT LIKE I'M DOING IT FOR T.V. SO WHAT'S THE POINT OF DOING IT IF EVERYONE ELSE ISN'T GOING TO BE DOING IT (I VERY MUCH ENJOYED WRITING THAT JIBBERISH RIGHT THERE)THAT'S WHY I DON'T LIKE TO GO OUT ANYMORE. PEOPLE ARE TAKING THIS WHOLE 80'S LOOK A BIT TOO FAR. JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE A LITTLE RIPPED SHIRT AND SOME PLASTIC BANGLES YOU DO NOT MIRACULOUSLY CHANGE INTO JODEY WATLEY CIRCA 1987. I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST THIS WHOLE 80'S LOOK WHEN DONE RIGHT. SPEAKING OF 80'S....ISN'T THAT GAP COMMERCIAL WITH MADONNA AND MISSY CUTE. I LIKE IT. I DON'T LIKE EITHER ONE OF THEM AS ARTISTS, BUT THE COMMERCIAL IS REALLY CUTE.

I HAD TO TUNE IN TO QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY SINCE THERE WAS ALL THIS HYPE AROUND IT. I HATE TO BE LURED IN BY 'THE MAN' AND ALL HIS MEDIA HYPE, BUT I MUST ADMIT THOSE QUEERS INTRIGUE ME. THEY ARE REALLY ENTERTAINING...AND THEY MAKE BEING GAY FUN. AS FOR THAT SHOW BOY MEETS BOY THAT COMES ON AFTER GQUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY....THUMBS DOWN. FILE THAT UNDER 'NEVER SHOULD HAVE BEEN DONE'.

*SIDENOTE* IF BLOOMBERG DID ANYTHING WORTHY OF ACCOLADES IT WAS MAKING THE SMOKE FREE LAW. THANK YOU SIR.

I HATE SMOKE. I CAN'T EVEN STAND BLOWING OUT A CANDLE BECAUSE OF THE SMOKE THAT RISES AFTER...BUT THANKS TO QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY I LEARNED A TRUSTY TIP.....PUT A CUP OVER THE CANDLE. I'M LYING THEY DIDN'T TEACH ME THAT. I LEARNED THAT ON MY OWN. HEY I HAD TO DO SOMETHING FOR MY ECCENTRIC SMOKE DISORDER. LIMME LONE.

I AM SO TIRED OF MEN WITH HAWK FEET OPENING THEIR MOUTHS AND SAYING THINGS ABOUT WOMEN WITH MESSED UP FEET WEARING SANDALS. UMMMM IN ALL ACTUALLITY YOUR FEET AND YOUR HANDS ARE SUPPOSED TO LOOK JACKED UP BECAUSE YOU USE THEM VIGOROUSLY ALL DAY......I MEAN IT WOULD BE ANOTHER STORY IF YOU WERE BORN A PARAPALEGIC. SO ALL YOU MEN THAT ARE HIDING YOUR GNARLED UP, ELEPHANT CALLOUSED FEET- DRINK A NICE PIPING HOT CUP OF SHUT THE FUGG UP!! STANK YOU VERY MUCH. MY FEET ARE COOL, BUT IT REALLY ANNOYS THE CRAP OUT OF ME TO HAVE DUDES STARING DOWN AT MY TOE CLEAVAGE AND INSPECTING IT EVERYTIME I PASS BY LIKE THEY'RE THE TOE POLICE OR SOMETHING. GO THE HELL ON WITH THAT.

THAT WILL BE ALL....

2003-08-12T01:33:00.000-04:00

MY TOOTHBRUSH IS WAYYYYYYY OLD. I THINK I MAY VERY WELL BE PAST THE EXPIRATION DATE. A TOOTHBRUSH SHOULD BE CHANGED EVERY SIX MONTHS RIGHT? OR IS IT EVERY THREE MONTHS? I THINK IT'S SIX......WELL I AM PAST THE 12 MONTH MARK. AND I REALLY NEED A NEW BRUSH. FINDING THE RIGHT KIND OF TOOTHBRUSH IS SERIOUS BUSINESS. I HATE HARD BRISTLE BRUSHES (SAY THAT 5 TIMES FAST). I DON'T LIKE THEM TOO TOO SOFT EITHER OR I FEEL LIKE THE BRUSH ISN'T DOING IT'S JOB. I WANT ONE THAT IS GOING TO TAKE SOME TEAR BECAUSE I ACTUALLY DO LISTEN TO THE DENTIST AND BRUSH MY TEETH 2-3 TIMES A DAY. FOR ALL YOU FOLKS THAT ARE BUYING THAT TOOTH WHITENING STUFF - HERE'S A QUICK MONEY SAVER: DON'T SMOKE, DON'T DRINK COFFEE AND BRUSH YOUR TEETH AT LEAST TWICE A DAY (ESPECIALLY BEFORE YOU GO TO SLEEP). YOU WILL SEE THE MIRACULOUS DIFFERENCE WITHIN WEEKS....TRUST ME ON THIS. ALL THAT WHITENING STUFF IS JUST FOR PEOPLE WHO DO NOT WANT TO TAKE CARE OF THEIR TEETH THE WAY THEY SHOULD AND PLUS IT STRIPS YOUR ENAMEL. I DON'T WANT ANY JACKAZZ CHRONIC SMOKER TOOTH WHITENING ADDICT EMAILING ME TRYING TO CURSE ME OUT BECAUSE OF MY STATEMENT EITHER....SO SAVE IT. MIDDLE FINGER TO YOU.

I HAVE MORE PLANS FOR THIS WEEKEND AND HOPEFULLY THESE PLANS WILL STICK. I'M GOING DOWN TO BOWIE, MD. NOT THE SCHOOL JUST THE TOWN. SISTERGIRLFRIEND AND I ARE GOING TO DRIVE DOWN THERE TO VISIT HER COUSIN AND HANG OUT. THERE'S SOME CLUB IN D.C CALLED DREAM WHICH WE PLAN TO ATTEND. WHEN WE WERE ON THE PHONE WITH HER COUSIN HE SAID THAT BEYONCE IS SUPPOSE TO BE THERE THIS WEEKEND. I AM NOT INTO THE WHOLE CELEBRITY STALKING THING. A CELEBRITY BEING AT A PARTY DOESN'T NECESSARILY MAKE IT ANY BETTER, BUT I WANTED TO CHECK THE CLUB OUT ANYWAY BECAUSE I HEARD ABOUT IT A WHILE AGO.

WHAT THREW ME FOR A LOOP IS MY MAN SAID IF WE WANT TO GET INTO THE CLUB FREE WE HAVE TO BE THERE BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 6 AND 8. WHAAAAAT????!!!!! NAH!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M GOOD. PICTURE THAT! ME GETTING TO A CLUB ON A FRIDAY EVENING AT 6. PARTIES DON'T GET POPPIN' UNTIL 1 AM. THAT IS WAY TOO MUCH CLUB TIME. THIS IS D.C THOUGH AND I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY OPPERATE OUT THERE. ANOTHER THING IS THEY DO NOT HAVE THE NO SMOKING LAWS AND I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO TOLERATE SMOKE FOR THOSE EXTENDED HOURS.

ONE THING THAT I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO IS CHECKING OUT HOWARD LAW SCHOOL. HER COUSIN GOES THERE AND MAYBE HE CAN RECRUIT ME. I ALWAYS SAID I WOULD NEVER DO CIVIL RIGHTS LAW, BUT AS I GET OLDER MY VIEWS ARE CHANGING MORE AND MORE. HOWARD SPECIALIZES IN CIVIL RIGHTS LAW AND THE INTERNSHIP POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS BECAUSE THE CAPITAL IS RIGHT THERE. THIS MASTERS IN ENGLISH THING HAS TURNED OUT TO BE A TWO SEMESTER EPISODE OF BLOOPERS AND PRACTICAL JOKES AND I'M JUST NOT FEELING IT ANYMORE. I CAN DO THE WORK AND MY GRADES ARE LOVELY, BUT IT'S TOTALLY BORING. YAWN. I DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH PASSION FOR IT......DO I HAVE ENOUGH PASSION FOR ANYTHING? THE ANSWER IS NO, BUT IF I WERE TO PICK A WAY TO TOTURE MYSELF WHILE SIMULTANIOUSLY WASTING THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS GETTING A MA IN ENGLISH WOULD NOT BE IT. PLUS I HATE PUNCTUATION, GRAMMER AND SPELLING AS YOU CAN PROBABLY TELL FROM MY BLOG. WERE MY MISPELLINGS, DOUBLE NEGATIVES, RUN-ON SENTENCES AND ERRORED VERB TENSE AGREEMENT ENOUGH TO GIVE ME AWAY???? OH. MY ORIGINAL PLAN WAS LAW SCHOOL ALL ALONG AND I TOOK THE LSAT A YEAR AFTER I GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE, BUT................OH NO! YOU GUYS ARE TRYING TO TRICK ME.

I AM NOT SUPPOSE TO BE TALKING ABOUT MY PERSONAL LIFE LIKE THAT. I GUESS I KINDA GOT SIDETRACKED. UH UH.......THIS BLOG IS SUPPOSED TO BE ISSUE FREE AND LIGHT AS A FEATHER. I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT ALL THAT STUFF HERE. THAT WAS CLOSE. WOW.....I JUST GOT PULLED IN ALL OF THE SUDDEN.

ALRIGHT I'M OUT.

2003-08-08T16:19:00.000-04:00

WELL FOLKS I THOUGHT I HAD DONE AN AMPLE JOB OF DELETING THE CONTENTS IN MY AUGUST 6TH ENTRY......THE COMPUTER PROVES ME WRONG. SINCE IT IS THERE FOR YOUR VIEWING DELIGHT YOU MIGHT AS WELL TRAIL DOWN AND READ TO YOUR HEARTS CONTENT. I WAS EMOTIONALLY DRUNK AT THE TIME I WROTE IT.....YEAH THAT'S MY EXCUSE. PLUS I KIND OF GOT BORED OF THE ENTRY AND A LITTLE LAZY SO IT DOESN'T MAKE TOO MUCH SENSE. ACTUALLY IT RESEMBLE THE SAME QUALITIY OF PAPERS I USE TO TURN IN MY FRESHMAN YEAR. NONSENSICAL JIBBERISH (I'VE REALLY GOT THE GIGGLES FOLKS).

WHY OH WHY IS SNOOP D-O- DOUBLE G STILL PRESSING HIS HAIR. THERE IS NOTHING ATTRACTIVE ABOUT A GROWN BLACK MAN HOT COMBING HIS HAIR. THEN WEARING IT IN A DOOBIE LIKE HE'S SOME COVER MODEL FOR DARK AND LOVELY.....WHAT PART OF THE GAME IS THAT SNOOP?

LATELY (TRANSLATES INTO SINCE FOREVER) I HAVE FOUND MYSELF HAVING MY OWN PERSONAL EPISODES OF 'WHAT NOT TO WEAR'. I DON'T REALLY WATCH THE SHOW THAT MUCH, BUT WHEN I DO I PREFER THE BBC VERSION. I ALWAYS OBSERVE WHAT EVERYONE HAS ON AND BEGIN TO CRITIQUE THEM VERY CONSCIOUSLY....IT GIVES ME GREAT JOY ACTUALLY. I DO IT WITHOUT BEING ASKED AS WELL. AS YOU CAN IMAGINE THIS DOES NOT ALWAYS GO OVER TOO WELL. THERE ARE SEVERAL INDIVIDUALS WHO COULD CARELESS WHAT I DO NOT WANT THEM TO WEAR. DEFIANCE IS A BIZATCH.

THERE ARE A COUPLE OF SHOWS ON T.V. THAT I AM NOW COMFORTABLE ADMITTING THAT I LIKE. I LIKE TO WATCH MARTHA STEWART KITCHEN...SHE COOKS UP SOME GOOD STUFF. I ENJOY 'WEDDING STORY'..I TYPED THAT WITH A GRIMACE OF SELF DEPRECATION.....LARRY DAVID'S 'CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM'.....THAT CRAZY LARRY. 'THE DAVE CHAPELLE SHOW' IS EXTREMELY HILARIOUS....I WISH I COULD GET TICKETS (I TRIED BUT THEY ARE NOT TAPING AT THE MOMENT). 'TO LIVE AND DATE IN NEW YORK' IS INTERESTING. 'SHIPMATES' IS ALWAYS ENJOYABLE...ESPECIALLY WHEN SOMEONE IS GETTING CURSED OUT OR HAVING A DRINK POURED OVER THEIR HEAD. 'ELIMIDATE' IS ALSO ENJOYABLE, BUT I MOSTLY LIKE TO WATCH THE BLACK PEOPLE'S DATES WHICH ARE FEW AND FAR BETWEEN. 'LIKE IT IS' ALSO IS A GOOD PROGRAM BUT I RARELY GET TO SEE IT. 'MY WIFE AND KIDS' ALSO MAKES ME LAUGH. 'THE LOOK FOR LESS' EVEN THOUGH ALOT OF THE OUTFITS THEY PULL TOGETHER ARE TRASH. MAKING THE BAND IS ALSO KNEE SLAPPPING FUNNY....BUT LATELY IT'S BEEN A LITTLE DRY - I'M NOT EVEN GONNA FRONT. I SAW THE PREVIEW OF THE NEXT EPISODE WHEN FRED AND NESS GO AT IT...OH JYEAH. I ALSO LIKE MTV'S 'MADE' WHY I DO NOT KNOW. 'PROJECT GREEN LIGHT' IS INTERESTING ALSO. HMMMMMMM. I LIKE ALOT OF SHOWS ON THE FOOD CHANNEL TOO. THIS IS ALL I CAN THINK OF FOR NOW.

HAS ANYONE NOTICED THAT ZARA'S STUFF IS 4 x'S AS EXPENSIVE AS H&M BUT THE QUALITY IS ONLY ONE LEVEL HIGHER. I REMEMBER WHEN ZARA'S USED TO BE WAY MORE AFFORDABLE, BUT NOW THEY TRY TO RAPE YOUR POCKETS. THEY BETTER GO 'HEAD WITH THAT. BANNANA REPUBLIC AND GAP LOOK VERY GENERIC NOW-A DAYS.....I HAVEN'T GOTTEN ANYTHING FROM THEM IN AT LEAST A YEAR OR TWO (IF NOT MORE). IF I NEED A PLAIN WHITE SHIRT OR SOME OTHER COOKIE CUTTER TYPE ITEM I'LL GO TO THE GAP, BUT THAT WOULD BE IT.....AS A MATTER OF FACT I'VE BEEN GOING TO CLUB MANACO FOR ALL MY COOKIE CUTTER ITEMS. JERSEY GARDENS OFF OF THE TURNPIKE HAS ALOT OF STORES AND ALOT OF REDUCED PRICES. MATTER OF FACT I'M GOING TO THE SAKS FIFTH OUTLET AND COP SOME PAPER DENIM AND CLOTH JEANS THIS WEEKEND. ORIGINALLY $135, BUT I'M GETTING THEM FOR $65.....YA HEARD. THEY'RE BETTER THAN SEVEN JEANS IF YOU ASK ME.......BUT YOU REALLY DIDN'T ASK ME.

I LIKE THE BEAT OF THAT NEW JUELZ SANTANA SONG IT'S CALLED 'SANTANA....SOMETHING OR OTHER I FORGET'. IT'S HOT THOUGH. I STOPPED LISTENING TO WORDS OF SONGS LONG AGO BECAUSE THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT ANYTHING ANYMORE. VERBAL POLLUTION STRAIGHT UP. I ALSO FINALLY SAW THE BEGINNING OF THE VIDEO FOR THAT COLD PLAY SONG ON MTV. SO SHE DIES AND HE JUST WALKS OFF HUH? SPLENDID.

OH- AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT KNOWS THE CORRECT SPELLING OF YEAH AND YEA?? YEAH (AS IN YES PRONOUNCED YEH- YAH) YEA ( AS IN HIP HOP HURRAY PRONOUNCED YAY). LET IT BE KNOWN AND SPELL ACCORDINGLY. THANKS.*FAKE SMILE*

2003-08-08T03:28:00.000-04:00

I CANCELLED ALL THE WONDERFUL PLANS THAT I MADE TODAY BECAUSE OF THE WEATHER. MY PLAN WAS TO GO TO THE PANTENE PRO-V\MTV CONCERT IN CENTRAL PARK, BUT AL ROKER SAID IT WOULD RAIN THIS EVENING. I DO NOT LIKE TO STAND IN MUD. I DO NOT LIKE TO BE SPLASHED. I DO NOT LIKE HOLDING AN UMBRELLA FOR MORE THAN 30 MINUTES. I DO NOT LIKE TO WEAR OLD LOOKING SHOES UNLESS I AM PAINTING A ROOM ( I HAVE NEVER PAINTED A ROOM, BUT I IMAGINE MYSELF WEARING OLD SHOES WHILE DOING IT). TAKING ALL OF THE THOSE THINGS INTO CONSIDERATION I DECIDED NOT TO ATTEND THE CONCERT. I AM ANNOYED, BUT I RATHER BE ANNOYED THAN COMPLETELY MISERABLE. MYA, TWEET VANESSA CARLTON AND SOME OTHER LADY WERE SCHEDULED TO PERFORM. IT'S SUPPOSE TO SHOW ON MTV THIS FOLLOWING MONDAY. I RESENT THE FACT THAT I WILL BE WATCHING IT ON T.V. INSTEAD OF SEEING IT IN PERSON. THIS IS NOT GOOD. I WOULD HAVE BEEN STANDING CLOSE TO THE STAGE SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS, "MY BODY'S LIKE WHOA!! MY ASS IS LIKE WHOA!! MY LOVE IS LIKE WHOA!!" THEN EVERYONE IN CENTRAL PARK WOULD HAVE TURNED TO LOOK AT ME AND CHECKED OUT MY SICK DANCE SKILLS AND MYA WOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE ,"DAMN..WHO'S THAT CHICK STEELING ALL MY SHINE?!". THEN I WOULD HAVE JUMPED ON STAGE AND DONE THE TAP DANCING NUMBER FROM THE VIDEO LIKE I WAS BO JANGLES THE III. -------END DREAM.

I REALLY WENT OUT OF MY WAY TO GET THOSE TICKETS TOO. I DRAGGED MY GUY FRIEND TO GET SOME WITH ME FROM THE MTV STORE DOWN IN TIMES SQUARE. AS SOON AS I DISCOVERED THE TICKETS WERE FREE I HIGH TAILED IT TO THE STORE THE NEXT DAY. SINCE THEY LIMITED THE TICKETS TO FOUR PER PERSON I MADE MY FRIEND GET SOME TOO. THE MTV CLERK TRIED TO HERB HIM AND ONLY GAVE HIM THREE. HE STOOD THERE WITH HIS HAND OUT AND SAID, "UH - WHERE IS MY FOURTH TICKET?? ISN'T IT FOUR PER PERSON???". SHE GAVE IT UP BEGRUDGINGLY. DON'T YOU HATE WHEN PEOPLE TRY TO GET TIGHT WITH THINGS THAT AREN'T EVEN THEIRS TO BEGIN WITH? *WHITE GIRL SIGH* WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOUT? SO I NOW HAVE WASTED 8 FREE TICKETS BECAUSE STANDING IN THE RAIN DOES NOT FALL UNDER THE 'BLACK GIRL CHIC' CATEGORY. SUPERB.

I CAN NOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME UNDERSTAND HOW THE MTV STORE IS STILL IN BUSINESS. THEY CAN NOT BE MAKING ANY MONEY BECAUSE ALL THEY SELL IS GARBAGE AND YOU CAN NOT SELL GARBAGE AND BE ABLE TO PAY FOR PRIME REAL ESTATE LIKE THAT. HMMMMMMMM. I GUESS TOURISTS BUY FROM THEM...............YEAH THAT MUST BE IT. IT SEEMS LIKE ONE OF THOSE FAKE KIND OF BUSINESSES THAT SELL A BUNCH OF LITTLE CRAP, BUT REALLY MAKE THEIR MONEY OFF OF RUNNING NUMBERS IN THE BACK....YOU WOULD HAVE TO LIVE IN NYC TO KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT....OR MAYBE NOT...MAYBE I'M THE ONE THAT NEEDS TO GET OUT MORE TO SEE THAT THEY ARE DOING THAT KIND OF THING EVERYWHERE...JYEAH RIGHT.

WELL, AT LEAST I GOT THE WATERMELON. WATERMELON IS SO EASY TO CUT...THE KNIFE JUST SLIDES RIGHT THROUGH......BOY THAT WAS INTERESTING.

2003-08-05T19:22:00.000-04:00

NOW I KNOW WHERE THE TERM 'HAVE YOU ON THE EDGE OF YOUR SEAT' COMES FROM. I WAS WATCHING.........EH, I FORGET WHAT THE MOVIE WAS. ANYWAY I WAS WATCHING A MOVIE THE OTHER NIGHT AND IT GOT SO GOOD I LITERALLY MOVED TO THE EDGE OF MY SEAT AND PUT MY LITTLE PAWS UNDER MY CHIN AND EVERYTHING. THERE WAS A LONG MIRROR IN FRONT OF ME SO WHEN I TURNED I SAW MY BODY LANGUAGE. I WAS SHOCKED. I LOOKED THIRSTY. VERY THIRSTY. TALK ABOUT STUPEFACATION. I COULD NOT BELIEVE THAT I WAS LITERALLY ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT WAITING FOR THE CLIMAX...GET YOUR MIND RIGHT.

LATIN PEOPLE ARE SEXY. JUST NATURALLY. SOMETHING ABOUT THEM THAT JUST LEAKS SENSUALITY. I DON'T KNOW IF IT IS THE SPICY CULTURE OR WHAT BUT THEY JUST HAVE THIS NATURAL SEX APPEAL..........FOR INSTANCE I LOVE LATIN MUSIC AND DANCE. THERE'S JUST SOMEHTING ULTRA SEXY ABOUT IT, BUT FOR SOME REASON WHEN I GO TO DO IT.............EH NO. I DO NOT LOOK LIKE MY LATIN COUNTERPARTS (AND NEITHER DO YOU IF YOU'RE NOT LATIN). I WENT TO A LITTLE SHIN DIG MY FRIEND WAS HAVING AND WHEN THE BLACK PEOPLE TRIED TO DANCE TO THE MUSIC WE ALL JUST LOOKED LAME DOING IT (I DON'T KNOW MAYBE OTHERS WERE SUFFERING FROM BEYONCEITIS AND THOUGHT THEY WERE DOING BIG THINGS, BUT AGAIN....NO). NOW ON THE FLIP SIDE WHEN SOME OF THE SPANISH PEOPLE STARTED SHAKING- IT WAS A WRAP . THEY JUST LOOKED SEXY AS ALL GET OUT. I WAS A LITTLE JELLY, BUT HEY.

MOTHER DEAREST WENT TO A CHURCH PICNIC AND SHE MENTIONED TO ME THAT THE HOSPITALITY DEPARTMENT WOULD BE PURCHASING 100 WATERMELONS TO PASS OUT *HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY*. I ASKED HER TO SWIPE AT LEAST TWO FOR OLD GIRL. I HEART WATERMELONS ( BUT I DON'T LIKE FRIED CHICKEN- AT LEAST NOT HOMEMADE FRIED CHICKEN- SO HA!). ANYWAY SHE CAME BACK EMPTY HANDED WITHOUT THE WATERMELON. NOW IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR A WAY TO OUTRAGE ANY BLACK PERSON - LOOK NO FURTHER. JUST COME HOME WITHOUT SAID WATERMELON AND YOU'LL GET SCRATCHED UP. DON'T EVER- AND I MEAN EVER- PROMISE A WATERMELON AND NOT COME THROUGH WITH THE DEAL. I WAS HIGHLY UPSET BECAUSE I WAS REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO EATING TWO WATERMELONS SAM-BO STYLE ALL BY MYSELF. I HAVE NOT EVEN HAD ONE SLICE OF WATERMELON THIS WHOLE SUMMER. MY MEMEBERSHIP JUST MAY BE REVOKED. I PLAN ON GOING TO THE SUPERMARKET AND PURCHASING A GIGANTIC SIZED WATERMELON..BUT NOT THE SEEDLESS KIND 'CAUSE THEY JUST DON'T TASTE THE SAME.

2003-08-03T17:54:00.000-04:00

ONE OF THE WORST THINGS A MAN CAN DO WHEN KISSING IS CHIN HOLDING. I ABSOLUTELY HATE IT. WHY ARE YOU HOLDING MY DAMN CHIN???? LET GO! LET MY CHIN GO BEFORE I KICK YOU IN THE GROIN. IT IS INFURIATING. I CAN UNDERSTAND HOLDING MY NECK OR EVEN EMBRACING MY WHOLE HEAD, BUT WHY ARE YOU GRIPPING MY CHIN LIKE IT'S A STEERING WHEEL? I NEED TO BE ABLE TO MANUEVER MY OWN DAMN CHIN AND I CAN NOT DO THAT WHILE SOMEONE HAS IT GRIPPED WITH THE FIST POWER OF A NEW BORN BABY. I AM NOT A STAMP! THERE IS NO NEED FOR YOU TO HOLD ME BETWEEN YOUR INDEX FINGER AND THUMB. JUST LET ME GO. EVERYTIME (ALL TOGETHER THAT MAKES TWO) IT'S DONE I SNATCH MY FACE AWAY AND THEN STARE IN UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE. IT'S A VIOLATION OF CHIN AND NO WOMAN- I MEAN NO WOMAN- SHOULD HAVE TO GO THROUGH WHAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH (TWICE). IF YOU ARE INTO CHIN HOLDING.......WELL THAT'S JUST DOWN RIGHT SICK!

I HAVE ALWAYS SAID THIS AND I WILL STAND FIRM ON MY GROUND. CURSING....CUSSING.....POTTY MOUTHING....WHATEVER YOU CALL IT- IT'S A VERY PERSONAL THING. THERE ARE CERTAIN INTIAL RULES TO CURSING THAT SHOULD BE ADHERED TO BEFORE JUMPING HEAD FIRST. 1) DO NOT PLAYFULLY CURSE AT SOMEONE WITHIN THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES OF KNOWING THEM (IF YOU CAN GO LONGER THAN FIVE MINUTES GOOD FOR YOU). 2) DON'T START WITH THE HEAVY HITTERS..START OFF SLOW WITH A COUPLE OF DAMNS AND HELLS. 3) DO NOT CURSE AROUND OLDER PEOPLE AS WE ALL KNOW THEY CAN SAY ANY 'MOTHER EFFIN BULL ISH' THEY WANT..BUT IF YOU SAY HALF THE THINGS THEY DO SOMEONE WILL GET POPPED IN THE MOUTH AND IT WON'T BE THEM 4) DO NOT CURSE AROUND YOUR COWORKERS FOR THE FIRST WEEK OF EMPLOYMENT. IT'S BAD MANNERS. CURSING HAS BECOME MUCH LIKE THE WHITE MEAT...ALOT OF PEOPLE DO NOT PARTAKE. THE NUMBER OF VERBALTARIANS IS GROWING AND GROWING EVERYDAY. PEOPLE HAVE STOPPED CURSING FOR THEIR OWN PERSONAL HEALTH AND THEY HAVE WORKED VERY HARD AT IT. NON-CURSER ARE KIND OF LIKE PEOPLE WHO ARE ON A NEW DIET, QUIT SMOKING OR STOPPED DRINKING. DO NOT UNDERMINE THEIR HARD WORK BY CURSING AT THEM OR TAUNTING THEM WITH YOUR SAILORS MOUTH. FOR YOU TO DO IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM WITHOUT KNOWING WHERE THEY STAND OR WHAT THEY'RE INTO IS DISCOURTEOUS. I PERSONALLY LIKE TO WAIT FOR THE OTHER PERSON TO CURSE FIRST. AT THE SAME TIME I AM OFFENDED IF THEY CURSE AT ME UPON FIRST ENCOUNTER. IT'S A TURN OFF. I'M NOT A BIG CURSER, BUT I ADMIT I HAVE HAD THE PROBLEM OF BECOMING A CHAMELEON CURSER. ON PREVIOUS OCCASSIONS IF I WAS IN AN ENVIRONMENT WHERE PEOPLE ARE CURSING UP A STORM I HAVE BEEN PULLED INTO THE TORNADO. I 'VE BEEN CURSE FREE FOR A COUPLE YEARS NOW (WITH SOME RELAPSE). FOR THE MOST PART I TRY TO ABSTAIN. I MUCH PREFER TO USE PSEUDO CURSING I.E. ISH, PUFF, DOGG NUTTS AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST PENIS FACE. WHAT'S THE POINT IF IT IS AN INNUENDO TO CURSING? ..........I'M WEANING OFF SLOWLY, BUT SURELY- IS THE ANSWER. K THANKS NUMB NUTTS.........

WHEN A BLACK ACTOR OR ENTERTAINER HAS JUST GOTTEN MARRIED I REALLY GET INTERESTED IN SEEING PICTURES OF THE NEW WIFE....NOT BECAUSE I'M INTERESTED IN THE WOMAN, BUT BECAUSE I WANT TO SEE IF SHE IS BLACK OR WHITE. IS THAT SAD OR WHAT???? WHO SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF THEMSLEVES ME OR THEM? PROBABLY ME.......*HOLDING MY BREATH*. EXHALING GIRL..................

WHAT DESPERATE MAN CREATED SLAM BALL?? DON'T WORRY YOU'LL START TO SEE THE COMMERCIALS TOO AND THEN YOU'LL KNOW WHAT THE HECK I'M TALKING ABOUT.

TOOTLES-

2003-07-31T20:12:00.000-04:00

"So you're just gonna sit there and suck your thumb while I'm talking to you?? That's some real disrespectful unprofessional (ish). When you're picking your hair- you know you're picking your hair. When you're sucking your thumb you know you're sucking your thumb...This is wack - I'm out."

I KNEW IT WOULD ONLY BE A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE SOMEONE ADDRESSED THE THUMB SUCKING...AND APPROPRIATELY SO. THIS SHOW IS SO NONSENSICAL IT'S GETTING OUT OF HAND. AS MY FRIEND FROM BELIZE SAYS, " DIS IS PASS DA MARK!". WE ALL HAVE TO ADMIT THE WHOLE SHOW (AND OTHERS TOO) IS TOTAL PROPAGANDA....COMPLETE HOGWASH. THIS IS NOT HOW IT WORKS IN THE MUSIC INDUSTRY. PEOPLE LIKE THIS DO NOT GET DEALS. IT IS NOT HISTORY TO PUT A GROUP OF PEOPLE SO MUSICALLY DIVERSE TOGETHER...IT'S JUST PLAIN DUMB. THEY DON'T MESH- THEY DON'T FLOW. THEY ARE TRASH AS OF NOW. THEIR ATTITUDES ARE TRASH, THEIR MUSIC IS TRASH AND THEIR LOOK IS DEFINATELY TRASH. THIS SHOW IS AN ATTEMPT AT BRAINWASHING PEOPLE INTO BELIEVING THAT ARTISTS ARE STILL GIVEN CHANCE AFTER CHANCE AFTER CHANCE TO SOUND GOOD. THEY SHOULD CHANGE THE NAME OF THE SHOW FROM 'MAKING THE BAND 2' TO '20 EPISODES OF BADBOY PUBLICITY- THANKS SUCKAS!' WE'RE BEING BALLYHOOED PEOPLE!!

I'M STILL WATCHING THOUGH *PUT ON SAM-BO SMILE*

2003-07-30T14:51:00.000-04:00

I COME ON THE NET TO GET AWAY FROM ALL THE WEIGHTY ISSUES OF (MY) LIFE. I DON'T REALLY REALLY WANT TO TALK ABOUT ALL THAT STUFF HERE. LIFE CAN BE SO UNHUMEROUS AND SOBERING SO I WOULD MUCH PREFER TO COME ONLINE AND TYPE ABOUT TRIVIAL THINGS. THERE WILL BE MOMENTS WHEN I AM MENTALLY SUCKERED INTO SPEWING MY EVERDAY WORRIES ONTO THIS SCREEN...FRET NOT. THANKS FOR ALL THE LOVE BY THE WAY....I AM TRULY TOUCHED (THOSE ARE THE TYPE OF THINGS YOUR SUPPOSE TO SAY RIGHT? O-TAY).

THE WHOLE POINT OF ADVERTISING IS TO PERSUADE THE CONSUMER TO BY THE PRODUCT CORRECT? WHY ARE THERE SO MANY DUMB COMMERCIALS OUT THERE THAT BARELY HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE ACTUAL PRODUCT. WHY ARE SOME COMMERCIALS ONLY ON CERTAIN CHANELS AS WELL. WHENEVER I'M FLIPPING PASSED UPN OR WB (YOU KNOW ALL THE STATION THAT SUPPOSEDLY SERVICE THE BLACK COMMUNITY) WHY IS THERE ALWAYS SOME COMMERCIAL ABOUT GETTING YOUR G.E.D OR HOW TO GET FAST CASH FOR YOUR CAR, OR GETTING AN ASSOCIATIATES DEGREE THROUGH THE MAIL, OR TELLING YOU THAT THEY'LL HELP YOU WITH YOUR LAWSUIT FOR THAT BAD FISH SANDWHICH YOU HAD LAST WEEK, OR GETTING YOUR PHONE TURNED BACK ON.....WHAT THE HECK. WHAT KIND OF MESSAGE DOES THAT SEND. THAT WAS STRAIGHT RHETORICAL BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT KIND OF MESSAGE IT SENDS. I DON'T SEE ANY OF THOSE COMMERCIALS COMING ON AFTER STANK AZZ 'KING OF QUEENS' (I'LL GIVE YOU A LAP DANCE IF YOU HAVE EVEN SEEN THE SHOW).

I HATE THAT TAMPAX COMMERCIAL YOU KNOW THE ONE WHERE THE GIRL IS WEARING ALL WHITE AND SHE'S ON THE RAG *ROLLING MY EYES*...THEN SHE EXCUSES HERSELF TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.......THEN SHE SETS HER TAMPAX ON THE WINDOW SILL WITHOUT THINKING A STUPID MOVE LIKE THAT THROUGH AND TAKING INTO ACCOUNT THAT THE BATHROOM IS HUGE AND HER TAMPAX WOULD HAVE BEEN SAFE IN A MILLION OTHER ACCESSABLE AREAS, BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOO SHE CHOOSES THE WINDOW.... THE WINDOW IS WIDE OPEN AND A HUGE GUST OF WIND KNOCKS IT OUT.....THEN SHE DOES THE OMGOSH LOOK.....SHE SUDDENLY TURNS INTO MAVERICK AND COMES UP WITH A PURE GENIUS IDEA OF WASTING ALL THE HOME OWNERS MAXI-PADS BY MAKING SOME MAGICAL RESCUE ANCHOR INSTEAD OF WALKING HER TAIL DOWNSTAIRS AND GETTING HER TAMPAX OUT OF THE BUSHES....THEN AFTER IT'S ALL SAID AND DONE SHE TELLS HER BOYFRIEND THE LINE WAS LONG AS IF THEY WERE AT THE MOVIES INSTEAD OF A FRIENDS HOUSE.......THAT WHOLE COMMERCIAL IS A TALL ORDER OF DOO DOO.

AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT IS TIRED OF DAMON DASH. I THOUGHT PRODUCERS WERE THE ONLY PEOPLE ALLOWED TO DANCE AROUND IN OTHER ARTIST'S VIDEOS. AT FIRST HIS LITTLE DANCE WITH THE ARM PUMP AND SHIMMY WAS REALLY CUTE, BUT NOW........I'D SAY THE WORLD HAS HAD MORE THAN ENOUGH. MORE THAN ENOUGH OF HIM AND HIS BOTTLE OF VODKA (WHICH NO ONE IS BUYING BY THE WAY 'CAUSE I'VE NOT YET SEEN IT SITTING ON A SHELF IN A BAR...THEN AGAIN I DON'T GO TO BARS...BUT IT MAY BE IN 40\40).

TSK TSK TSK AT BEANIE SEAGLE. HE JUST COULD NOT RESTRAIN HIS URGE TO CONTINUE RUNNING THE STREETS. MY FRIEND FROM PHILLY SAYS SHE HAS LIVED ACROSS THE STREET FROM HIM HER WHOLE LIFE AND SAW HIS LAST DRAMA UNFOLD WHEN HE WAS RUNNING FROM THE COPS IN HIS YUKON. THE CHASE WAS ON AND WHEN BEANIE GOT TO THE BLOCK HE JUMPED HIS FAT AZZ OUT OF THE CAR AND TRIED TO THROW TWO GATS IN THE BUSHES AND KEEP IT MOVING ON FOOT. YEAH RIGHT..LIKE HE'D HAVE A CHANCE ON EARTH AT OUT RUNNING ANYONE. LOL.......... HE'S JUST AS BAD AS THOSE MAKING THE BAND KIDS. OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE SOMETHING OF THEMSELVES IS RIGHT THERE, BUT THEY INSIST ON FEEDING THEIR EGO INSTEAD OF THEIR FAMILY. FIGHTING A LOSING BATTLE.....LET SELF DIE GUYS....LET SELF DIE. WHY AM I EVEN TALKING ABOUT THIS. I HAVE NO INVESTED INTEREST IN ANY OF THESE CATS. I SURPRISE MYSELF SOMETIMES....SHAME ON ME.

CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHY ALSHARPTON IS IN THE MOVIE 'MR.DEEDS'? MORE THAN THAT- WHY IS HE PERPETRATING CHARACTERISTICS OF THE REV. JESSE JACKSON. HE KNOWS DAG ON WELL HE'S NOT KNOWN FOR VOWEL CHIMES, LIKE SOUNDS AND RHYME. WE HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN.

I AM REALLY TIRED OF HEARING WOMEN....BLACK WOMEN....SAY THAT THERE ARE NO GOOD MEN OUT THERE. YES THERE ARE. HOW CAN YOU EVEN SAY THAT. YOU HAVE TO BE AN UPRIGHT WOMAN TO FIND AN UPRIGHT MAN. YOU HAVE TO BE ON YOUR OWN COURSE OF SUCCESS IN ORDER TO MEET SOMEONE WHO IS ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT. I MEAN PEOPLE MEET PEOPLE AT ANY PLACE AND ANYTIME. I JUST DON'T THINK THAT GOING TO CLUBS AND BARS WILL HELP ALL THAT MUCH IN FINDING YOUR SOUL MATE. THAT'S LIKE GOING TO MCDONALDS FOR A NUTRITIOUS MEAL. I LOVE BLACK MEN. I JUST LOVE THEM.

AS COMMON SAYS 'IT DOESN'T TAKE A WHOLE DAY TO RECOGNIZE SUNSHINE' AND I KNOW THE BLACK MAN'S WORTH IN MY LIFE. THERE IS JUST SOMETHING ABOUT MY KING THAT MAKES ME SMILE. I LIKE TO STAND AMIDST A GROUP OF TALL BROTHERS AND BE SHADED BY THEIR WARMTH. I LIKE THEIR SWAGGER. I LIKE IT WHEN THEY SHOW LOVE AND GIVE EACH OTHER THE BROTHER POUND. I LIKE IT WHEN THEY ARE GOOFING OFF AND LAUGHING. I LIKE TO SEE THEM WITH THEIR CHILDREN. I LIKE IT WHEN THEY ARE GENTLE. I LIKE BEING IN A BARBER SHOP AND JUST WHEN THEY START TO GET VULGAR AND ANIMATED ONE OF THEM SAYS 'DON'T CURSE IN FRONT OF A LADY'. I LIKE IT WHEN I SEE THEM SUCCEED. I LIKE IT WHEN THEY DO THEIR FRATERNITY STEPS. I LIKE WHEN THEY TALK IN THAT LOW MONOTONE 'YOU KNOW YOU'RE SEXY' VOICE. I LIKE IT WHEN THEY GO OUT OF THEIR WAY TO BE CHIVALRIOUS. I LIKE IT WHEN THEY SHOW LOVE TO A QUEEN. I LOVE THE REFLECTIONS OF THEIR SKIN IN THE SUN. I LIKE IT WHEN THEY CALL ME 'SISTER'. I LIKE TO HEAR THEM SPEAK WORDS OF POETRY. I LIKE IT WHEN THEY FIGHT FOR JUSTICE. I LIKE THAT I AM A REFLECTION OF THEM. I LIKE TO FOLLOW THEIR LEAD. I LIKE IT WHEN THEY MAKE DECISIONS. I LIKE IT WHEN THEY DEFEND AND PROTECT THEIR FAMILY. I LIKE IT WHEN THEY READ THE NEWSPAPER IN THE MORNING. I LIKE THE FACT THAT THEY CAN BE ANYTHING AND DO IT SO DAMN WELL. I LIKE IT WHEN THEY DON'T WAIT FOR YOU TO ASK THEM FOR HELP. I LIKE IT WHEN THEY PLAY BALL, OR COACH A TEAM, OR OWN A TEAM. I LIKE THAT NOT ALL OF THEM ARE ATHLETIC. I LIKE THE SCIENTIFIC BLACK MAN. I LIKE THE BUSINESS ORIENTED BLACK MAN. I LIKE THE KNEE SLAP BLACK MAN. I LIKE IT WHEN THEY TEACH. I LIKE IT WHEN THEY LEARN. I LIKE IT WHEN THEY FOLLOW MY DIRECTIONS. I LIKE THE BREAK DANCING BLACK MAN. I LIKE THE HARD WORKING 9-5 BLACK MAN. I LIKE THE BLACK MAN THAT HAS NOT FOUND HIS WAY YET. I LIKE THE BLACK MAN THAT HAS HAD IT ROUGH, BUT WANTS SOMETHING MORE. I LIKE THE BLACK MAN THAT HAS HAD IT EASY AND WANTS TO KEEP IT EASY. I LIKE THE PRAYING BLACK MAN. I LIKE THE GOD FEARING BLACK MAN. I LIKE THE ARTISTIC BLACK MAN. I LIKE THE DREADED BLACK MAN. I LIKE THE LOW FADE BLACK MAN. I LIKE THE BLOW OUT BLACK MAN. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE MY KING. WITH EVERYTHING I'VE GOT- I LOVE HE WHO ABIDES AT MY CENTER.

THAT WAS NOT A POEM.

2003-07-29T11:59:00.000-04:00

I AM SO IN LIKE WITH AARON MCGRUDER.....AT FACE VALUE OF COURSE. ANY PERSON CAN MASK THEMSELVES TO BE ANYTHING THEY WANT UNTIL YOU REALLY GET TO KNOW THEM, BUT FROM WHAT I HAVE SEEN.. HE HAS SOME VERY ATTRACTIVE ATTRIBUTES. HE IS INTELLECTUALLY ASSERTIVE, HE IS SARCASTIC, SOCIALLY AWARE, HE IS PHYSICALLY APPEALING......VERY NICE ON THE EYES AND HE SEEMS TO BE SO RESPECTFUL OF PEOPLE. I JUST LIKE HIM. I LIKE A MAN TO BE MENTALLY ASTUTE WITHOUT COMING OFF AS CONDESCENDING. I AM REALLY FEELING HIM RIGHT NOW. I ALWAYS LIKED HIM, BUT I LIKE HIM TWICE AS MUCH NOW. I JUST SAW HIM ON REAL TIME HBO THE OTHER DAY. THE KID WAS SO WITTY AND HUMEROUS. ALL HIS ARGUMENTS WERE WELL SUPPORTED AND DIRECT. HE WAS SICK WITH IT VERBALLY. HE CAME ACROSS WELL VERSED AND ALL THAT GETS ME KIND OF HOT. DAMN. THAT IS JUST THE KIND OF BROTHER I WANT- NAH SCRATCH OUT WANT- NEED. THE TYPE OF BROTHER THAT YOU CAN TAKE TO A GHETTO BBQ OR A POLITICAL DINNER AND HE WILL BE WELL LIKED BY BOTH CROWDS....BUT MOST IMPORTANT BE THE SAME PERSON AT BOTH CROWDS. NO PRETENSE JUST GENUINE. I LIKE A BLACK MAN THAT CAN ARTICULATE HIS THOUGHTS WITHOUT ASSIMILATING INTO A WHITE MAN. THAT KIND OF DIDN'T COME OUT RIGHT, BUT YOU GET MY DRIFT. I MEANT WITHOUT PRETENDING TO BE SOMETHING HE'S NOT. I JUST LIKE TO SEE BLACK MEN (AND WOMEN FOR THAT MATTER) BE ABLE TO HOLD A WELL ROUNDED CONVERSATION. WHAT IS SEXIER THAN THAT? OKAY, THERE MAY BE A FEW THINGS SEXIER THAN THAT, BUT NOT MANY. FORMAL EDUCATION DOES NOT EQUATE KNOWLEDGE....I LEARNDED THAT A LONG TIME AGO. EDUCATION DOES EQUATE KNOWLEDGE BECAUSE TO HOLD AN INTELLIGENT CONVERSATION MEANS THAT YOU HAVE INVESTED IN TRYING TO LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERYDAY......WELL IF NOT EVERYDAY AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE. IN ANY EVENT ALL I'M SAYING IS AARON MCGRUDER IS A SILVER DOLLAR AND HE CAN GET IT! (NOT LITERALLY...PSSSSSSH WHO AM I KIDDING?!! HE CAN GET IT!).

OH BY THE WAY WE NEED MORE BLACK REPUBLICANS. I AM NOT A BLACK REPUBLICAN AND NEVER HAVE BEEN. I USED TO BE A DEMOCRAT, BUT I DO NOT KNOW IF THE PARTY TRULY WORKS FOR ME. I DON'T KNOW IF ANY PARTY TRULY WORKS FOR ANYONE, BUT FOR NOW I WILL REMAIN NON PARTISAN UNTIL I SEE SOME REAL CHANGE. I WILL JUST VOTE FOR WHO I THINK WILL DO A BETTER JOB WITHOUT TRYING TO URINATE ON AMERICANS IN THE PROCCESS. THE REASON WHY WE NEED MORE BLACK AMERICANS IS VERY SIMPLE. I'LL GET TO THAT IN A MINUTE THOUGH. I USED TO ISH ON BLACK REPUBLICANS CALLING THEM EVERY NAME IN THE BOOK UNLCE TOMS, SELL OUTS, YADDA YADDA BLAH ZAY BLIGGIDY BLAH YOU NAME IT. I DIDN'T EVEN REALLY KNOW WHY. I DID IT OUT OF IGNORANCE AND MISEDUCATION. I FIGURED THAT ANYTHING THAT INVOLVED MOSTLY WHITE PEOPLE WAS FOR THE BETTERMENT OF ONLY WHITE PEOPLE....I STILL HOLD TRUE TO THAT TO SOME DEGREE.....FOR PERSONAL INTEREST REASONS.....WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH NOT LIKING WHITE PEOPLE BUT MORE TO DO WITH MONOPOLIZED POWER.....BUT I DIGRESS - WHICH HAPPENS OFTEN. IN ONE OF MY CLASSES THE PROFESSOR STARTED ASKING HOW WE FELT ABOUT CERTAIN PROMINENT ISSUES IN AMERICA: ABORTION, GUN CONTROL, CAPITAL PUNISHMENT, GUN CONTROL, CAPITAL PUNISHMENT, GUN CONTROL, GUN CONTROL, LOL SOME MORE GUN CONTROL, WELFAIR REFORM, AFFIRMATIVE ACTION AND EDUCATION. TO MY DISMAY (AND THE REST OF THE CLASS) WE DISCOVERED THAT ALOT OF BLACK PEOPLE HOLD VERY CONSERVATIVE VIEWS ON ALOT OF ISH.....BUT YET WE STILL VOTE DEMOCRATIC. IT'S TRUE....WELL IT WAS TRUE THAT DAY. SO WHY ARE WE STILL DEMOCRATS...DAMNED IF I KNOW. ANYWAY BACK TO THE TOPIC AT HAND WE NEED MORE REPUBLICANS BECAUSE THE ONES THAT DO EXIST AND SERVE IN CONGRESS AND CABINET ARE DYING OFF SLOWLY AND THIS CAN NOT HAPPEN. WE ARE BECOMING EXTINCT IN THE REPUBLICAN PARTY. IF THERE ARE NO BLACK FACES IN THOSE FORUMS IT'S AS GOOD AS A KLU KLUX KLAN MEETING. WE CAN'T HAVE THAT-- NOT IN THE WHITE HOUSE ANYWAY....LOL.. THAT WAS FUNNY TO ME *CLEEARING THROAT*. BLACK PEOPLE MUST BE REPRESENTED IN ALL SECTORS. THAT IS THE ONLY WAY TO OBTAIN TRUE POWER IN AMERICA. SO WE NEED MORE BLACK REPUBLICANS FOR THE NUMBERS AND REPRESENTATION. YOU CAN LIKE IT OR HATE IT BUT IT MAKES MORE SENSE THEN NO SENSE.

LAST TOPIC FOR THE DAY.....WOMEN AND JEALOUSY. I ADMIT I HAVE BEEN GUILTY OF THIS JEALOUSY THANG. WHEN I AM IN A RELATIONSHIP I NEEDED TO KNOW AT ALL TIMES THAT I AM THE ISH. I NEEDED FOR MY MAN TO LET ME KNOW THAT IT WAS ABOUT ME AT ALL TIMES. SO WHEN THE WONDERING EYE THING STARTED.......THERE WOULD BE PROBLEMS. WHEN MY GUY WANTED TO GO TO CLUBS OR EVENTS WHERE THERE WERE A LOT OF WOMEN I WOULD GET REALLY PANICKY. I FORGOT THERE ARE WOMEN EVRY WHERE. I WOULD GET PANICKY AGAIN. BAD BUSINESS. WE CAN'T DO THAT GIRLS. IT'S FEEDING INTO THE HYPE. IF YOU ARE WITH A GUY AND THEY LOOK AT ANOTHER WOMAN LET IT GO. DON'T EVEN COMMENT.DON'T COMMENT NOW. DON'T COMMENT LATER. DON'T COMMENT TWO DAYS FROM NOW A MONTH A YEAR....YOU KNOW HOW WE DO! WE'LL PULL ISH FROM FIVE YEARS AGO. DON'T DO THAT FOR TWO REASONS 1) IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ACKNOWLEDGING THAT THERE IS ACTUALLY ANOTHER WOMAN IN THE AREA BESIDES YOU THAT IS WORTH LOOKING AT 2) YOU ARE FEEDING INTO HIS BAD HABITS AND HELPING HIM GET A RISE OUT OF THE ACT BECAUSE REGARDLESS OF A GUY ADMITTING IT OR NOT THEY LIKE TO SEE YOU ALL WORKED UP OVER THEIR ATTENTION...TO A CERTAIN EXTENT. I THINK CONFIDENCE IS MORE OF A TURN ON TO A MAN AND INSECURITIES LIKE THAT IS A HANICAP IN THE RELATIONSHIP. IF YOU THINK THAT HE IS LOOKING THEN THAT IS ACKNOLEDGING THAT ANOTHER CHICK IS WORTH LOOKING AT AND MAYBE HE'LL START LOOKING EVEN MORE. IF HE STARTS LOOKING EVEN MORE NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO THEN JUST LET HIS RAGGEDY AZZ GO......YOU DON'T NEED ALL THAT AGGREVATION. UH UH NO....YOU ARE THE ONE. YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WORTH GLANCES SO ACT LIKE IT. SHAKE YOUR TAIL PUT ON THE EXTRA HARD SWITCH AND MAKE SURE THAT YOU ARE ALWAYS ON POINT. NOT FOR HIM- FOR YOURSELF BECAUSE IF YOU FEEL THAT WAY ALL THE TIME YOU WILL START BELIEVING IT ALL THE TIME.

K..I'M DONE

2003-07-27T09:24:00.000-04:00

UH..ONE REQUEST- RIP MY EYEBALLS OUT IF I HAVE TO SEE ANOTHER WOMAN WEARING A SEE THROUGH SHIRT WITH NO BRA. WHO SAID THAT WAS FASHIONABLE? DO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT THERE ARE WOMEN OUT THERE THAT ARE SO SHIFTLESS AND UNIMAGINABLE THAT THEY CAN NOT CONJURE UP BETTER WAYS TO EXHIBIT THEIR SEXUALITY?!?! UNLESS YOU ARE CURRENTLY WORKING IN A STRIP CLUB THAT IS NOT THE MOVE. IT IS TASTELESS AND CLASSLESS AND IT SIMPLY MAKES ONE LOOK LIKE LESS. I AM DUMBFOUNDED THAT THERE ARE ACTUALLY WOMEN THAT HAVE THAT LITTLE DEPTH AND SELF WORTH THAT THEY WOULD PRESENT THEMSELVES OUT IN THE STREET LIKE THAT. IT'S AS SHOCKING AS SEEING A WOMAN WITH A SHIRT THAT SAYS "I AM A WHORE,SKANK AND SLUT". I CAN NOT UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF IT NO MORE THAN I CAN UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF 'THE ARTIST FORMERLY KNOWN AS PRINCE' IN HIS ASS-LESS PANTS. JUST DON'T MAKE NO DAMN SENSE. WHAT IS NEXT? MEN WITH SEE THROUGH PANTS AND NO DRAWS.....HMMMMMMMMM.................OKAY LET'S STAY FOCUSED HERE. FOR PROSPERITY'S SAKE- CAN SOMEONE OTHER THAN ME TELL THEM TO STOP IT RIGHT NOW????!!!!!! PRETTY PLEASE WITH A NIPPLE ON TOP? "DRESS SHABBY THEY WILL NOTICE THE DRESS; DRESS IMPECABLY THEY WILL NOTICE THE WOMAN" - COCO CHANEL.

NOW THIS IS ONLY FOR A SELECT GROUP. I AM NOT TRYING TO THROW ALL MEN IN THE SAME CATEGORY. FOR YOU CATS OUT THERE THAT DO NOT LIKE THE TERM 'BOYFRIEND'.....NOT BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO BE TIED DOWN, BUT BECAUSE YOU THINK THE TERM SOUNDS YOUNG AND CHILDISH. OKAY, FAIR ENOUGH. DON'T CALL ME YOUR 'BOYFRIEND' YOU SAY? YOU WANT ME TO CALL YOU MY 'MAN' HUH? NAH. I DON'T THINK SO BRO. YOU SEE- REAL MEN DON'T STAY IN COMMITTED RELATIONSHIPS INDEFINATELY. REAL MEN......GROWN MEN....GET M-A-R-R-I-E-D. YES, THAT'S RIGHT MARRIED. SO EITHER YOU STAY SINGLE AND DON'T COMMIT UNTIL YOU ARE READY FOR THAT LEVEL OF COMMITMENT OR YOU SUCK IT UP AND DEAL...BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE. A BOYFRIEND. NUFF SAID.

WE ARE NEARING THE END OF MY RANT SO HOLD TIGHT. I REALLY HAVE AN ISSUE WITH THIS TERM 'FEMALES' THAT IS BEING THROWN AROUND SO FREQUENTLY. AT FIRST I JUST HEARD THE TERM USED BY MEN, BUT FOR THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS I HAVE BEEN HEARING THE TERM USED BY WOMEN MORE AND MORE. WHEN I HEAR THE TERM FEMALE ROLLING OFF THE TONGUES OF PEOPLE IT HAS THE SAME VENOMOUS RING AS BITCH. I DON'T LIKE IT. THERE ARE TWO KINDS OF HUMAN BEINGS....MEN.....AND WOMEN. FOR THE HUMAN FEMALE SEX THERE ARE TWO CATEGORIES.......GIRLS AND WOMEN. IT'S ONE OR THE OTHER. WHEN YOU ADDRESS SOMEONE BY USING THE TERM FEMALE YOU MAY NOT NECESSARILY BE REFERRING TO A WOMAN. YOU MAY BE TALKING ABOUT A FEMALE CAT, ELEPHANT, ZEBRA..OR DOG. I DON'T KNOW. ONE THING THAT I DO KNOW IS WHEN YOU SAY GIRL OR WOMAN THERE IS NO AMBIGUITY. I DON'T LIKE THE TERM FEMALE. I AM NOT TRYING TO BE HEAVY INTO SEMANTICS HERE, BUT RATHER EXPRESS A GENUINE CONCERN. WHEN A WOMAN OR MAN REFERS TO ME AS A FEMALE I TAKE THAT AS A DIRECT INSULT. I AM MORE THAN A FEMALE I AM A WOMAN.

OH BY THE WAY... THE MEMO WENT OUT......I GOT IT A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO, BUT IT SEEMS AS THOUGH SOME OF YOU MAY HAVE BEEN OVERLOOKED. BRAIDS ARE DONE IF YOU ARE OVER 17 JUST CALL IT A WRAP. NO MORE BRAIDS OKAY. BRAIDS ARE FOR LITTLE BOYS. THIS IS JUST AN OPINION. IT IS FAR TOO MUCH MAINTAINENCE FOR A GROWN MAN. YOU GUYS CAN BARELY DO ENOUGH TO KEEP THE DOO DOO STREAKS OUT OF YOUR DRAWS LET ALONE MAINTAIN BRAIDS ON A WEEKLY BASIS. YOU SEE FOLKS, WHEN YOU ARE UNDER 17 AT LEAST YOU MAY HAVE AN ATTENTIVE MOM LOOKING AFTER YOU AND MAKING SURE YOU AREN'T LOOKING RAGGEDY, BUT AFTER YOU GET PAST A CERTIAN AGE YOU HAVE TO MANAGE ON YOUR OWN. SOME OF YOU CAN NOT MANAGE ON A TON OF STUFF LET ALONE THE BRAIDS. IF YOU MUST KEEP THEM GET YOUR HAIR TRIMMED EVERY SO OFTEN SO YOU CAN WEAR YOUR HAIR OUT IN A FRO AND IT WON'T LOOK COMPLETELY RAGGEDY. YOU HAVE NOT BEEN DOING THAT HAVE YOU? I THOUGHT NOT. WEAR YOUR HAIR OUT SOMETIMES AND MAKE SURE YOU TRIM IT AND CONDITION IT AND STUFF. DON'T GROW IT TOO LONG BECAUSE IT STARTS TO LOOK A LITTLE FRUITY IF IT'S GOING DOWN YOUR BACK. I DON'T CARE FOR THE BRAIDED LOOK ON GROWN MEN, BUT I WILL ADMIT IT LOOKS COOL ON SOME. THIS DOES NOT SUPERCEDE THE FACT THAT IT HAS BEEN PLAYED FOR SOME TIME NOW. DON'T KILL THE MESSENGER GUYS! THE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH SO HELP ME SUPER CAT. NOW IF ANY OF YOU HAVE SEEN THE NEW 112 VIDEO I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. WHAT IS SUPER CAT DOING??????? DOESN'T HE KNOW HE LOOKS LIKE AN OLD AZZ MEMBER OF B2K. HE LOOKS LIKE OMARION FASTFORWARD 50 YEARS. IT'S A WRAP FOLKS.

AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT HAS FOUND 'INVISIBLE MAN' BY RALPH ELLISON INCREDIBLY INTERESTING, BUT HAS NOT BEEN ABLE TO READ IT WITHOUT STOPPING AND BEGINNING TO READ OTHER BOOKS JUST TO REMEMBER THAT YOU HAVE NOT FINISHED 'INVISIBLE MAN' AND THEN YOU PICK IT UP AGAIN, BUT STOP TO PICK UP SOMETHING LIKE 'THE ISSYSS PAPERS' WHICH IS ALSO EXTREMELY NTERESTING (YES THIS IS A RUN ON SENTENCE AND WHAT?????) BUT YOU PUT 'ISSYSS PAPERS' DOWN AS WELL WITHOUT FINISHING IT ONLY TO PICK SOMETHING DUMB UP LIKE 'US WEEKLY' WHICH IS INCREDIBLY FUN! THEN WHEN YOU'RE FINISHED WITH THAT YOU REALIZE THAT YOU WOULD RATHER SPEND ALL YOUR SPARE TIME WATCHING REALITY T.V. INSTEAD OF HELPING YOUR MIND TO GROW WITH ENLIGHTENMENT. OH..........I GUESS I'M THE ONLY ONE. EH......

2003-07-26T17:55:00.000-04:00

SO I WENT OUT LAST WEEKEND WITH MY FRIEND. IT TWAS HER 25TH BIRTHDAY...YAY....NO REALLY YAY!!! IT WAS ONE OF THOSE LET'S DO STUFF ALL WEEKEND TYPE OF BIRTHDAY CELEBRATIONS......SO I'LL GIVE YOU A WHOLE WEEKEND OUTLINE STARTING FROM FRIDAY. I TOOK THE C TRAIN FROM FORTY DUECE AND HOPPED OFF AT 135TH. I GO TO MY CHICA'S HOUSE WHO LIVES IN THE VERY HEART OF HARLEM ( I HEART HARLEM BTW). SHE WASN'T OFF WORK YET SO I DECIDE TO WALK UP 8TH AVE AND GO TO THE MY HAIRDRESSER, MYRA, TO GET MY WIG TOSSED. I MUST MAKE AN IMPORTANT NOTATION HERE. I HAVE BEEN GROWING MY HAIR OUT NATURAL FOR A LITTLE OVER A YEAR NOW. I JUST GOT SO TIRED OF PERMING IT. THE BURN, THE IRRITATION, THE HORROR.........SO I STILL GO TO MY DOMINICAN MOMMY AND HAVE HER DO A WASH AND SET AND BLOW IT OUT. I CUT THE ENDS EVERY MONTH OR SO AND IT'S BEEN GROWING OUT PRETTY NICELY. NOW I HAVE 'THE ORIGINAL' BLACK GIRL HAIR. I DON'T HAVE THAT EXTRA SOFT CURLY TYPE OF HAIR. I HAVE THE SUPER DUPER TIGHT ITSY BITSY SPIRAL TYPE OF KINKY HAPPY TO BE NAPPY HAIR MIXED IN WITH THE LITTLE BIT OF LEFT OVER PERMED HAIR. IN ANY EVENT I GET MY HAIR BLOWN OUT REGULARLY BY MY DOMINICAN MOMMY.....AND LET ME TELL YOU. MY JOINT LOOKS FLOWY AND BLOWY AND STRAIGHT. IT IS SILKY AND NOT GREASED DOWN AND IT MOVES. I MEAN YOU WOULD THINK THAT TERRORISTS WERE UP IN MY HEAD BECAUSE IT IS JUST THE BOMB! SO FOR ALL OF YOU SISTERS THAT ARE STRUGGLING WITH TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO GO ABOUT GROWING YOUR JOINT OUT NATURAL WITHOUT JUST CUTTING THE WHOLE THING OFF... COME AND SEE A GOOD DOMINICAN MOMMY THAT CAN BLOW YOUR DOME PIECE OUT AND MAKE YOUR HAIR MORE MANAGABLE. HAVING SAID ALL THAT WE CAN MOVE ON......

SO BY THE TIME I GOT FINISHED WITH ALL THAT IT WAS NEARING 7PM. I WALKED OVER TO HMV ON 125TH AND COPPED THE BEYONCE CD FOR THE BIRTHDAY GIRL. THAT ALBUM IS PRETTY FABULOUS BY THE WAY. I AM STILL VERY ADAMANT ABOUT THE FACT THAT BEYONCE CAN NOT DANCE THOUGH. SHE CAN MOVE AND SHE PUTS ALL HER EFFORT INTO IT, BUT SHE IS NOT AN INNATELY TALENTED DANCER. SHE IS ON THE MEDIOCRE MARK. K THANKS. OH AND BY NO MEANS IS HAVING AN OPINION ON THESE TYPE OF THINGS BEING A HATER...IT'S JUST SIMPLY HAVING AN OPINION. CAN PEOPLE NOT HAVE THOUGHTS AND ARTICULATE THEM ANYMORE WITHOUT FEAR OF BEING CALLED SOME LAME PSUEDO TERM LIKE 'HATER'. MOVING ON...

SO I AFTER I LEAVE HMV I DECIDE TO MEET HER AT HER JOB. WE JUMPED IN HER CAR AND CAME BACK TO HER CRIB, KICKED IT, GIGGLED ABOUT DUMB STUFF, BLAH BLAH ZAY BLAH. BY THEN IT WAS NEARING FREAKS COME OUT AT NIGHT TIME. AND 8TH AVENUE WAS JUMPING. IT WAS A REALLY NICE EVENING. THE KIND OF EVENING WHERE YOU STILL SEE BABIES HANGING OUT WITH THEIR DRUNK MOMS ON THE STREET CORNER AFTER 1 AM- YOU GOTTA LOVE THAT. SO LITTLE KIDS ARE ZIPPING UP AND DOWN THE AVE ON THEIR MOTORED SCOOTERS, OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. OH I SKIPPED THE PART WHEN I FELL ASLEEP. I FELL ASLEEP. I AM THE TYPE THAT CAN NOT FALL ASLEEP IF I PLAN TO GO OUT. I WILL NOT WANT TO GET UP BECAUSE SLEEP SUPERCEEDS EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE...EATING, TAKING PHONE CALLS, BURNING BUILDINGS.....IT MUST WAIT UNTIL I AWAKE ....WHICH COULD BE THE NEXT DAY. SO I BEGRUDGINGLY AWOKE AND DECIDED TO GO TO SOME LOUNGE SPOT WITH HER CALLED GROOVEJET. IT'S OVER BY CHEETAH'S WHICH I REFUSE TO GO TO ANYMORE. CHEETAH'S IS CORNBALL AND COMMON. TOO MANY UNCLASSY FOLKS POPULATE IN THERE. ANYWAY GROOVEJET WAS FREE FOR US BECAUSE ONE OF THE PEOPLE WE WERE ROLLING WITH NEW THE DUDE AT THE DOOR. IT WAS OKAY. NOT MY KIND OF MUSIC OR CROWD. I DON'T DRINK OR SMOKE SO UNLESS THERE IS MUSIC THERE IS NO POINT IN ME GOING TO A LOUNGE. THAT'S WHY I PREFER CLUBS OVER LOUNGES. I LIKE A GARAUNTEE THAT PEOPLE WILL BE DANCING WHEN I WALK IN. THEN I CAN JUST SUBMERGE MYSELF IN THE SCENE. SO I DIDN'T WANT TO STAY AT GROOVEJET TOO LONG. I WANTED TO GO TO CHURCH THE NEXT DAY. THER IS NOTHING IRONIC ABOUT THAT BY THE WAY. YOU PEOPLE ARE CRAZY.

SO NEXT DAY FAST FORWARD TO AFTERNOON. WE HIT UP THE HARLEM BOOK FAIR. I HEARTED THE BOOK FAIR. SO MANY WONDERFUL FACES, AND STYLE, AND HARMONY, AND HAIR, AND BLACK LITERATURE, AND SPOKEN WORD, AND JAZZ.....ME LOVED IT. ME REALLY DID. I LIKE TO SEE MY PEOPLE IN THERE NATURAL CREATIVE ELEMENT. I WISH I COULD REINVENT MYSELF AND REWIND BACK TO HARLEM RENNESIANCE. OH WELL. NO CHANCE OF THAT. SO MY BIRTHDAY GIRL JUST NOW DISCOVERED BLACK SMUT AND BABY MOMMA DRAMAS.....SHE IS AN OFFICIAL ADDICT. SO SHE WAS CIRCLING AROUND THE BLACK EXPRESSION TABLES LIKE SOME BOOK VULTURE. SHE WAS LOOKING FOR SOME BOOK BY ZHANE. I AM OVER ALL OF THAT. I DID THAT IN COLLEGE. I DON'T REALLY READ BOOKS OF THAT CALLIBER ANYMORE. NOT KNOCKING IT THOUGH. I HAVE JUST OUTGROWN ALL OF THAT OMAR TYREE, E. LYNN HARRIS, ERIC JEROME DICKEY STUFF. SO WE LEFT THE BOOK FAIR AND THEN WENT BACK TO HER APARTMENT TO PARTAKE OF THE CAKE. NOW IF THERE IS ANYBODY FROM HARLEM OR NEW YORK CITY FOR THAT MATTER THAT HAS NEVER HAD A SLICE OF 'MAKE MY CAKE'. YOU NEED TO ASK SOMEBODY. THAT CAKE IS SERIOUS BUSINESS. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE A CAKE LOVER TO FALL IN LOVE. I AM NOT A CAKE LOVER EITHER. THEY MAKE THE BEST CAKE IN NYC HANDS DOWN. PLUS THEY ARE A BLACK OWNED BUSINESS. THE PLACE IS VERY CLEAN AND THEY SELL OTHER YUMMY STUFF TOO. THEY HAVE COOKIES, COBBLERS, BROWNIES AND PIES OOOO CHILE! EVRYONE GOES TO THEM. YOU SHOULD TOO. MAKE MY CAKE ON 137TH I BELIEVE.

THE NEXT DAY WE REGROUPED AND ENDED UP GOING TO PALLISADES MALL IN UPSTATE NEW YORK. IT WAS ONE OF THOSE WEIRD CAR RIDES WHERE WE ACTUALLY LEFT NEW YORK AND WENT THROUGH NEW JERSEY JUST TO COME BACK INTO NEW YORK BECAUSE SOMEONE SAID IT WAS QUICKER. HEY, I LIKE CAR RIDES WITH FUN PEOPLE SO IT WAS COOL WITH ME. SO WE WENT TO PALLISADES MALL AND THIS TRIP INCLUDED TWO CARS,3 KIDS AND FOUR ADULTS. I AM CHILDLESS AND SO IS BIRTHDAY GIRL. HER SISTER AND SISTER IN LAW WERE THE ONLY ONE WITH CHILDREN. OH F.Y.I. WHEN I WAS WORKING IN THE SOCIAL WORK ARENA I WAS INFORMED THAT THE WORD 'KID' IS DEROGATORY AND THE WORD 'CHILD' SHOULD BE USED INSTEAD. WHY- I AM STILL UNSURE......SO YEAH THERE WERE 3 KIDS AND FOUR ADULTS. NOW THIS WAS MY FIRST VISIT TO PALLISADES MALL WHICH WAS STARTLING BECAUSE AFTER ALL I AM THE CONSUMMATE SHOPPER. THIS MALL IS FABULOUS. THEY HAVE EVRYTHING YOU COULD IMAGINE, EVERY STORE YOUR OF YOUR HEARTS DESIRE....EXCLUDING HIGH LABEL STORES LIKE SAKS AND SUCH. THEY HAD EVRY FRANCHISED RESTARAUNT TOO. UPON ENTERING I WAS HIT WITH THE AROMAS OF CHEESECAKE FACTORY. I HEART CHEESECAKE FACTORY. THIS MALL IS SO BIG THAT IT HAS A FERRIS WHEEL AND A ROLLERCOASTER IN THERE. MIND YOU, THE ROLLERCOASTER IS NOT BIG BUT IT IS ENOUGH TO GIVE A RUSH. I WENT ON IT. I AM NOT A ROLLERCOASTER PERSON BUT I WENT ON IT ANYWAY. TWAS FUN. SO WE LEFT AFTER A LONG DAY....AND WE PLAYED BEYONCE'S CD OVER AND OVER. SMILES.

SO LATER THAT NIGHT WE WENT TO VUE. NOW I HEARD THAT VUE IS POPPING ON SUNDAY NIGHTS FOR THE GROWN AND SEXY PEOPLE. IT'S ON THE EAST SIDE IN THE FIFTIES. WE ARRIVED. ALOT OF STUNTING OUTSIDE WITH PEOPLE ROLLING UP IN HUMM V'S AND BENZOS AND THE OTHER COLLAR POPPING VEHICHLES. EH....... WHATEVAH.........I THOUGHT I LOOKED ESPECIALLY LOVELY IN MY SEA BLUE LEATHER FLOWERED HEALS WITH MY FRENCH MANICURED TOES, MY MINI LIGHT BLUE DENIM SKIRT, THIS CUTE LITTLE WHITE PEASANT TOP I GOT FROM CLUB MANACO AND THIS LEATHER BLUE FLOWERED PIN THAT MATCHED EXACTLY WITH MY HEELS. I ALSO HAD A LITTLE BAG THAT I COPPED DOWN BY 34TH STREET THAT SET THE WHOLE LOOK OFF. I THOUGHT I LOOKED CUTE, BUT I NOW REALIZE I MAY NOT BE THE BEST JUDGE OF APPEARANCE. 'CAUSE I THOUGHT LUMMIDEE WAS CUTE-EASY ON THE EYES-NO HALLE BERRY , BUT OK. I HAVE BEEN INFORMED MORE THAN SEVERAL TIMES THAT NO ONE THINKS SHE IS ATTRACTIVE AND INSTEAD OF SINGING UH OH PEOPLE ARE NOW SINGING OH NO. NOT TOO HAPPY ABOUT THIS. OH WELL. WE GET IN. IT'S CROWED, BUT CROWDED DOES NOT A GOOD PARTY MAKE. THE MUSIC WAS GAR-BAGE. THE SAME SONGS WERE BEING REPLAYED SO OFTEN THAT WE BEGAN TO SUSPECT THAT THERE WAS NOT A LIVE DJ IN THE HOUSE AND THAT WE WERE LISTENING TO A CD. THAT ATMOSPHERE WAS ALRIGHT, BUT NOT SO GREAT THAT I WANTED TO DANCE DANCE DANCE. I LOVE TO DANCE, BUT I JUST WAS NOT FEELING IT. WE LEFT AROUND 3AM. EH......

SO THAT ABOUT WRAPS IT UP FOLKS. ONE-

2003-07-16T23:03:00.000-04:00

AM I THE ONLY ONE ON THE PLANET THAT FAILS TO SEE WHAT THE BIG DEAL IS ABOUT EMINEM AND 50 CENT. THEY ARE BOTH OKAY. JUST OKAY...NOTHING MORE. THEY CAN RHYME, BUT THEY ARE HARDLY IN THE TOP 10 BEST RAPPERS CATEGORY. I'M SORRY THEY'RE JUST NOT. DON'T KILL THE MESSENGER. I'VE HEARD BETTER RAPPERS WHEN I WAS IN THE DORMS HANGING OUT WITH MY FELLOW (DRUNK) SCHOLARS. PEOPLE WOULD FLOW WITH SOME SICK STUFF. I MEAN IF YOU PUT ANYONE OF MY DRUNK HOMIES (SLURRED WORDS AND ALL) THEY COULD COME UP WITH LYRICS JUST AS TIGHT.....AND THEY'RE NOT EVEN WANNA BE RAPPERS....THEY ARE WANNA BE LAWYERS AND DOCTORS AND TEACHERS. IMAGINE WHAT THEY WOULD BE ABLE TO SPIT IF THEY WERE SERIOUSLY DEDICATED TO THE RAP GAME. ALL I'M SAYING IS BOTH OF THEM HAVE YEARS OF IMPROVEMENT BEFORE YOU CAN EVEN BEGIN TO SAY THEY ARE IN THE TOP 10....C'MON. MOVING ON.......

DOES ANYBODY OUT THERE REMEMBER THE CANDY 'BONKERS'. IT WAS KIND OF A CROSS BETWEEN 'NOW AND LATERS' (BY THE WAY I HAVE MY NOW AND LATER GATORS ON) BUT NOT AS SOFT AS STARBURSTS. ANYWAY I USED TO HEART 'BONKERS'. DO THEY STILL MAKE THEM? IT'S STRANGE THAT I ONLY REMEMBER THE GRAPE -BEING THAT I HATE GRAPE FLAVORED CANDY. DID THEY MAKE OTHER FLAVORS BESIDE GRAPE....I'M SURE THEY DID. IT'S IMPORTANT TO GIVE PEOPLE OPTIONS INSTEAD OF CORNERING THEM WITH ONE FLAVOR. IF THEY DID ONLY HAVE ONE FLAVOR IT WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN GRAPE ANYWAY BECAUSE ACCORDING TO MY LAST POLE CHERRY IS A FAVORITE AMONG KIDS.....AND *CLEARING THROAT* ADULTS......EH. CARRY ON.....................

2003-07-13T13:57:00.000-04:00

I WANT TO TELL THE WORLD (MEANING REAL LIFE FRIENDS) THAT I HAVE A BLOG. AT THE SAME TIME I DON'T WANT TO TELL ANYONE BECAUSE THEN IF I EVER HAVE THE URGE TO TALK ABOUT THEM IT COULD ABSOLUTELY RUIN A FRIENDSHIP. I GUESS I AM SUPPOSE TO TREAT THIS THING LIKE A DIARY. IN REAL LIFE I WOULDN'T GO AROUND AND SHOW MY DIARY, BUT MAYBE THAT'S WHY I NEVER REALLY KEPT A DIARY. EH... NO THE REASON WHY I NEVER REALLY KEPT A DIARY IS BECAUSE I COULD NOT COMMIT. IT IS HARD TO REMEBER TO PUT YOUR THOUGHTS DOWN ON A REGULAR BASIS......PLUS I DON'T LIKE THINGS THAT REQUIRE TOO MUCH EFFORT. LOL. OPENING A BOOK, THINKING AND THEN WRITING IS A WHOLE LOT OF EFFORT ON MY PART. I'LL KEEP THIS JOURNAL THING ON THE LOW FOR NOW...

DOES ANYONE ELSES WATCH FAME? AM I THE ONLY ONE? I CAN'T BE THE ONLY ONE BECAUSE IT'S STILL ON T.V. WHICH MEANS IT'S GETTING SOME KIND OF RATINGS OUT THERE. I DON'T REALLY SEE VERY MANY OF THE ENTERTAINMENT SHOWS COVERING IT. WHY? IT HAS WAY BETTER TALENT THAN ANY OF THE AMERICAN IDOL SHOWS. I AM ROOTING FOR HARLEMM LEE. UH THAT WASN'T A MISPELL...HE SPELLS HARLEM WITH TWO M'S. ANYWAY HE IS THE GREATEST HE HAS A LOT OF PASSION. I ALSO LIKE THAT CHICK SERENA.

I DON'T HAVE TOO MUCH TO SAY TODAY I HAVE ALOT ON MY MIND. I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT MY MODUS OPERANDI. AM I THE ONLY PERSON OUT THERE THAT STARTED A MASTERS PROGRAM AND IS NOT SURE IF THEY ARE GETTING THEIR MASTERS IN THE RIGHT THING? I MEAN PEOPLE GET THEIR UNDERGRAD DEGREE IN THINGS AND NEVER USE IT...DOES THAT HAPPEN OFTEN IN GRADUATE SCHOOL TOO? 'CAUSE I THINK IT'S HAPPENING TO ME. I REALLY DON'T KNOW IF I WANT TO SEE THIS THING THROUGH. CAN'T I HAVE MORE TIME? TO FIGURE THINGS OUT? I DON'T WANNA WASTE TIME THINKING, BUT I DON'T WANT TO WASTE TIME ACTING IMPULSIVELY EITHER. WILL I KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE BY THE TIME I TURN 50? SHIIIIIIIIIIIIII.....I HOPE SO. EH......

2003-07-12T10:18:00.000-04:00

THIS SUMMER HAS BEEN A GIGANTIC WASTE FOR THE MOST PART.....JUNE CAME SO QUICK AND THEN IT WAS GONE. NOW IT'S MID JULY AND THIS MONTH HAS BEEN PRETTY MUCH UNEVENTFUL. I ALWAYS CONSOLE MYSELF BY SAYING 'THERE IS ALWAYS NEXT SUMMER', BUT I HATE THAT I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING REALLY WORTH MENTIONING. I WANT TO SAY I WENT TO '_______' (FILL IN NAME OF SEXY FOREIGN COUNTRY). THEN TELL PEOPLE EXACTLY HOW FABULOUS IT WAS. I WANT TO DO SOMETHING TOTALLY EXCITING AND UNEXPECTED. I WANT TO GO INCOGNITO FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS AND THEN COME BACK NEW AND IMPROVED. I DON'T HAVE A COMPLETELY CLEAR DEFINITION OF WHAT NEW AND IMPROVED WOULD BE YET, BUT WHEN I FIGURE IT OUT I'LL TYPE IT UP AND POST IT. TYPING ABOUT MY LIFE IS GOING TO BE MORE BORING THAN I THOUGHT....OH WELL. I MEAN I KNEW NOTHING WAS REALLY POPPING FOR ME LIKE THAT, BUT TO ACTUALLY READ SENTENCES FULL OF NOTHINGNESS IS SHOCKING...OH WELL AGAIN.

I'VE BEEN BUYING A COUPLE OF THINGS THIS SUMMER BECAUSE I REALLY DIDN'T HOOK MY CLOSET UP LAST SUMMER. I THINK IT IS BECAUSE I'M A FUNCTIONAL BUYER. I DON'T LIKE TO BUY TOO MANY CLOTHES THAT CAN BE WORN IN ONLY ONE SEASON. I AM THE TYPE OF PERSON THAT WILL BE WALKING AROUND IN LONG SLEEVED SHIRTS DURING THE SUMMER ( BUT IT'LL BE THIN) AND THEN I'LL WEAR THAT SAME LONG SLEEVED SHIRT IN THE WINTER, SPRING AND FALL WHILE ADJUSTING THE LAYERS AS NEEDED. SO I WILL WEAR THAT THIN ASS SHIRT DURING THE SUMMER WITH A SKIRT, DURING THE SPRING WITH A LIGHT SWEATER, DURING THE FALL WITH A HOODY OR JACKET AND THEN FINALLY DURING THE WINTER WITH A THICK SWEATER AND SNORKLE COAT.

I ALWAYS SEE PEOPLE CHANGE THEIR CLOSETS AROUND AND PUT THEIR SWEATERS AND HEAVY PANTS AWAY WHEN THE WEATHER GETS WARMER TO MAKE ROOM FOR THEIR SPRING AND SUMMER CLOTHES....EH NO. I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT AND I DON'T WANT TO MAKE TIME FOR THAT. THAT IS FAR TOO LABOR INTENSE FOR ME. SO ALL OF MY CLOTHES WILL STAY WHERE THEY ARE AND I'LL JUST FIGURE OUT A WAY TO MAKE ALL OF MY CLOTHES WORK THE WHOLE YEAR THROUGH. ANOTHER THING I WILL NOT DO IS BUY THIN JEANS. I HATE THIN JEANS. I PURCHASED A PAIR OF THIN JEANS AND CALLED MYSELF WEARING THEM IN THE DEAD OF WINTER. THERE WAS NO WAY I WAS GOING TO LET MY JEANS GET OVER ON ME AND THINK I WOULD ONLY WEAR THEM FOR ONE SEASON. AS SOON AS I STEPPED OUTSIDE AND CAUGHT A NICE GUST OF WIND IT FELT AS THOUGH I WAS LITERALLY BARE LEGGED. THAT WIND WAS CUTTING MY LEGS SOMETHING AWFUL. UGGGHHHH. NEVER AGAIN. FROM THEN I SWORE THAT I WOULD NEVER BUY A PAIR OF THIN JEANS FOR THE REMAINDER OF MY TIME HERE ON EARTH. I FIXED THAT PROBLEM BY ONLY PURCHASING HEAVIER JEANS BECAUSE I HAVE NO PROBLEM SWEATING IT OUT DURING THE SUMMER. SO MIDDLE FINGER TO ALL THE JEAN COMPANIES THAT THINK EVERYONE WILL BUY TWICE THE AMOUNT OF JEANS TO ALTERNATE FROM SEASON TO SEASON. NOT ME BUDDY!